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I'm a newbie here and I'm really needing some advice from some unbiased people. I have been with my fiance for almost 3 years, we are getting married in October, this year. Last night we had an argument and he walked out, angry and texted me telling me he wasn't coming home. I haven't heard from him since last night. I don't know where he is and his phone is off.
Unfortunately this isn't the first time he has done this. It happened once before over a year ago. He checked into a hotel and stayed overnight returning a full day later. Our argument started when I told him I was hurt that he was very short with me the evening before. The last few days he has been very edgy. He has been stressed out at work and he has a very "high up" position in the company and he isnt happy with how things are going there. I feel like he has been bringing that anxiety home and taking it out on me.
Last night when we were talking and I told him he had hurt my feelings, I started to cry. He told me I was being ridiculous and dramatic. My fiance is very educated and intelligent. He is very introverted, where I'm extroverted and have no problem saying how I feel. He would rather avoid conflict and walk away from the situation then deal with it head on.
He has been very good to me and in all other facets of life, he is a wonderful and generous man. I love him dearly and I know he is very devoted to me. But this getting up and leaving isn't something I can deal with for the rest of my life! I feel its manipulative and cruel and its his way of controlling the situation. I could really use some help.
It is a sign of how he reacts to stress. I would not marry this man (sorry). I know that is probably not helpful, but just my own opinion as a wife and mother, I would not marry a man who runs away at a fight/stress. Stewing alone in a room for a few hours, sure, but abandoning? No. What if you had a baby? If he does this when just dating, I can't imagine how bad it would get in the future.
I'm a newbie here and I'm really needing some advice from some unbiased people. I have been with my fiance for almost 3 years, we are getting married in October, this year. Last night we had an argument and he walked out, angry and texted me telling me he wasn't coming home. I haven't heard from him since last night. I don't know where he is and his phone is off.
Unfortunately this isn't the first time he has done this. It happened once before over a year ago. He checked into a hotel and stayed overnight returning a full day later. Our argument started when I told him I was hurt that he was very short with me the evening before. The last few days he has been very edgy. He has been stressed out at work and he has a very "high up" position in the company and he isnt happy with how things are going there. I feel like he has been bringing that anxiety home and taking it out on me.
Last night when we were talking and I told him he had hurt my feelings, I started to cry. He told me I was being ridiculous and dramatic. My fiance is very educated and intelligent. He is very introverted, where I'm extroverted and have no problem saying how I feel. He would rather avoid conflict and walk away from the situation then deal with it head on.
He has been very good to me and in all other facets of life, he is a wonderful and generous man. I love him dearly and I know he is very devoted to me. But this getting up and leaving isn't something I can deal with for the rest of my life! I feel its manipulative and cruel and its his way of controlling thesituation. I could really use some help.
I am sorry to hear about your problem. I agree that is immature and cruel behavior. He could at least text you and say that he is OK so you aren't calling all of the hospitals and police departments in your area to make sure that he isn't injured or dead.
If, or when, he returns I would suggest joint counseling before you get married. Imagine how much worse it would be if he just walks out when one of his young children says something that he doesn't like or starts to cry? You are an adult and can ,at least somewhat, understand his reasons (stress at work) but having Daddy walk out could be devastating for a child.
If he is doing it now, before you are married, don't expect the behavior to stop just because of a wedding ceremony.
Just on face value, you are coming of as whiny and a wimp. I say this because there is a "me me" vibe coming off.
What he did/does is childish too, I'm not condoning that, but I get the impression that you don't give a F about his work stress and just want to dump on him about how "your feeling" without as much regard to his work/stress anxiety level.
I could be wrong, but that is what comes across to me.
You both need to communicate and not take things so personally, that goes a long way in life in general. A lot of times people have things going on their own heads and others misinterpret them.......
says who? This is not how an intelligent adult reacts to a mild argument. He sounds cold and unfeeling, plus he's putting you through hellish stress, and not for the first time. If I were you, I would seriously re-think my commitment to this "man." You deserve better. Don't let his alleged intelligence cow you into thinking he knows better than you. Trust your instincts: "I feel its manipulative and cruel and its his way of controlling the situation." Exactly right! Now seriously consider breaking this ill-fated engagement.
Just on face value, you are coming of as whiny and a wimp. I say this because there is a "me me" vibe coming off.
What he did/does is childish too, I'm not condoning that, but I get the impression that you don't give a F about his work stress and just want to dump on him about how "your feeling" without as much regard to his work/stress anxiety level.
I could be wrong, but that is what comes across to me.
You both need to communicate and not take things so personally, that goes a long way in life in general. A lot of times people have things going on their own heads and others misinterpret them.......
Being stressed at work isn't a reason to treat someone you love poorly. I'm the kind of person that sits down and wants to talk rationally about things. I don't run away. When he has an issue I sit and listen. But he is the type of person that keeps stuff bottled up. You can't force someone to talk to you.
says who? This is not how an intelligent adult reacts to a mild argument. He sounds cold and unfeeling, plus he's putting you through hellish stress, and not for the first time. If I were you, I would seriously re-think my commitment to this "man." You deserve better. Don't let his alleged intelligence cow you into thinking he knows better than you. Trust your instincts: "I feel its manipulative and cruel and its his way of controlling the situation." Exactly right! Now seriously consider breaking this ill-fated engagement.
You are right he was very cold and unfeeling. I think breaking it off is a bit much at this point. I'm not quite there yet. He is very educated and intelligent. Emotionally mature is something he is not.
But he is the type of person that keeps stuff bottled up.
Red flag!
Would he be open to getting counseling with you on communication skills and conflict resolution? Ask him. See how he reacts. That right there might tell you if the wedding should be gone through with or cancelled.
Being stressed at work isn't a reason to treat someone you love poorly. I'm the kind of person that sits down and wants to talk rationally about things. I don't run away. When he has an issue I sit and listen. But he is the type of person that keeps stuff bottled up. You can't force someone to talk to you.
I agree.
I still think you didn't "hear" me about sort of bombing him with your needs... again,I could be way off base, but I'm still getting a me me thing kind of happening.
Which isn't fair because I don't know either one of you.... men have a tendency to do that "run" away thing and not talk, not saying it's right, but I think that happens with a lot of men.
Either way, best of luck to you. There isn't a lot that anyone can do to help you if he doesn't want to talk to you and acknowledge that there is an issue.
As you mentioned, can't make the horse drink the water....
Would he be open to getting counseling with you on communication skills and conflict resolution? Ask him. See how he reacts. That right there might tell you if the wedding should be gone through with or cancelled.
I think that is a good idea..thank you
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