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doesn't concern me. i understand she is an indivual before she is my wife and as such interacts with others on a daily basis on her own accord.
we regularly use the same computer and all our information is there to be auto filled if the other really wants to go snooping. that's said, i dont care...and if i have any concerns about anything i just ask her about them.
Nailed it. Where's the fun in living with someone who you need to be snooping on. That sounds like hell. For both people. One's an insecure emotional wreck and one's just getting wrecked by the wrecker.
If you don't have trust, then really, all you have is maybe sex or a paycheck.
Sharing passwords of just knowing that stuff has nothing to do with trust or not trust or snooping or not snooping.
I know all my wife's passwords (though I routinely forget them), and I have never once used them to "snoop" or whatever.
It just comes to pass...
"Hey, where's your schedule?"
"It's on my email - just log in and print it yourself."
"Hey, you're logged into amazon...what's the password so I can buy this?"
"Blah blah xyzqpr."
"Hey, the baby is doing something cute!!! What's the password for your phone so I can take a pic?!"
"It's qrstuv diddly doo dah."
If someone requested the password for my accounts I'd think he was insane, and give him a chance to back away from that request. If I discovered he had found my passwords and was monitoring my email or social media accounts we'd be done. I don't date snoops.
If I thought I had to snoop on my partner it would signal to me that it was the end of the relationship anyway since I won't date someone I can't trust.
Nope. No need to request passwords. I believe we have a right to our own private, individual space. I don't need to be all up in his stuff.
If I seriously suspected something was going on, I may look into finding evidence in other ways.
Also, you may find other upsetting things that may have nothing to do with you or the relationship. Why create an issue? I don't believe in giving up privacy when in a committed relationship.
Would you ever request for your partner to provide her/his passwords?
Absolutely not. If I can't trust her, I'm not going to enter into a relationship with her.
Quote:
Originally Posted by pixie stix
What if, instead of requesting, you accidentally found her/his information...would you use it?
No. In fact, I've been in this situation before, and didn't. I would expect the same from her. I don't even feel comfortable when she asks me to check a text message on her phone when she's driving. To me that's the modern technological equivalent of opening a letter addressed to someone else, or listening in on their phone conversation.
Quote:
Originally Posted by pixie stix
If you have reason to suspect your partner is betraying you, it makes sense right?
No. Ending the relationship makes sense of you don't trust them. Snooping doesn't.
No. Ending the relationship makes sense of you don't trust them. Snooping doesn't.
This sounds insane to me.
Let's say you've had a great long-term relationship, and then your partner starts showing some signs of cheating. You'd just end the relationship on the mere suspicion, rather that do anything to find out the facts? If they aren't cheating, you don't necessarily want to confront them and upset them. If they are cheating, you want some evidence when you confront them, and have some idea of what's going on so you can protect yourself appropriately. If they're potentially going to cheat, knowing something about what's going on may help prevent it and resolve whatever issues are motivating them to do so.
Let's say you've had a great long-term relationship, and then your partner starts showing some signs of cheating. You'd just end the relationship on the mere suspicion, rather that do anything to find out the facts? If they aren't cheating, you don't necessarily want to confront them and upset them. If they are cheating, you want some evidence when you confront them, and have some idea of what's going on so you can protect yourself appropriately. If they're potentially going to cheat, knowing something about what's going on may help prevent it and resolve whatever issues are motivating them to do so.
Insane? That's a bit of a reach. I suppose I might view it differently in a long-term relationship. I've never suspected a long-term partner of cheating, so I can't say for sure, but I still think if I was that suspicious I would probably just end it. It's hard for me to imagine that it could really be a "great long-term relationship" if I've resorted to snooping.
The thing is, once it has reached that point, the trust is already gone. It can only go one of two ways from there: Either I find out I'm right about the cheating, in which case any remaining trust I had is gone, or I find out I'm wrong, in which case I was being paranoid and untrusting for no reason. Neither of these dynamics is a good indicator for the future of the relationship. I'd rather just end it at that point.
or I find out I'm wrong, in which case I was being paranoid and untrusting for no reason. Neither of these dynamics is a good indicator for the future of the relationship. I'd rather just end it at that point.
You'd end a good relationship because you developed unjustified paranoia? You wouldn't try to fix yourself first? I'll stick with my opinion that this sounds insane.
Snooping is totally justifiable under certain circumstances. I'm not saying everyone you date and have a fight with, but yes for a long term marriage when things just don't make sense or add up, absolutely. You NEED to know what's going on to protect yourself and other people. In my case is was a cheating spouse, but I know of another situation where the wife was hiding her debts and another where someone was giving so much to scam charities that it nearly bankrupt them.
Get off your high horses. Coming from a time before "Password" meant anything I know people have always done what they had to do to be informed. This is NO different. There are no secrets in a marriage and if you suspect something is fishy or different you need to trust your gut because nobody knows the situation better than you and ignorance can be devastating.
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