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Old 06-25-2013, 02:08 AM
 
1,765 posts, read 2,321,227 times
Reputation: 1519

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Quote:
Originally Posted by TheHurricaneKid View Post
It's a long story, but, my ex suggested that we move in together to raise it.
This sounds weird. I'm sorry. but all of a sudden? This is sketch.

 
Old 06-25-2013, 03:41 AM
 
1,255 posts, read 1,239,252 times
Reputation: 1024
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheHurricaneKid View Post
When should I do that?
When a child is born, insist on paternity test, not before. Ask her to accompany her to her gynecologist each time just to make sure she isn't destroying your nerves with a prolonged lie. It could still be a possibility because you broke up.

Remember, do paternity test with each child you get, no buts and ifs. Since you are unmarried, that's the best option for you. When you apply for paternity, don't sign it blindly. Say that you want to do a paternity test to prove that you are father before signing and go with the test, don't speak that you want to "confirm", you want to PROVE that you are the father. Proving to others (and to yourself, of course).
Anyone who is against it is against your well-being, regardless how well their intentions are or what morality they preach. If they want to speak to you about morality, just remind them that it's past gone in times when people married before sex and when dealing with it was a family matter (when your neighborhood/family would literally have feuds with each other over many things in family matters).
Hundreds of thousands of young men are doing that and their own relatives are fully supportive of their actions. Life isn't over, will not be and should not be, over such a matter like having a child. You just have to adapt your life to new changes.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Raena77 View Post
Yes its very accurate. Plus it saves on the what if's not my kid.
That shouldn't be his concern now. He has no option to either abort or choose a child to be born so it's not even about his legal options even if he is "pro-choice". Father shouldn't even bother with it. I'd advise him to chill out and concentrate on anything else. If the mother wants to abort the child based on things such as child's paternity, that speaks a lot about the mother herself. But a father has no say anyways and should not bother to determine paternity before a child is born.
 
Old 06-25-2013, 06:10 AM
 
3,558 posts, read 4,144,538 times
Reputation: 3743
So the chance she could still be lying or kidding is completely off the table?

First thing I would do is personally witness her taking a pregnancy test, then go from there. You aren't together, you obviously have reasons not to trust her.

Funny how some attitudes around here change once it's real.
 
Old 06-25-2013, 06:19 AM
LLN
 
Location: Upstairs closet
4,914 posts, read 8,364,531 times
Reputation: 6345
The obvious response is, "who is the baby daddy?"
 
Old 06-25-2013, 07:26 AM
 
Location: Pa
42,565 posts, read 42,449,792 times
Reputation: 24873
Quote:
Originally Posted by nald View Post
When a child is born, insist on paternity test, not before. Ask her to accompany her to her gynecologist each time just to make sure she isn't destroying your nerves with a prolonged lie. It could still be a possibility because you broke up.

Remember, do paternity test with each child you get, no buts and ifs. Since you are unmarried, that's the best option for you. When you apply for paternity, don't sign it blindly. Say that you want to do a paternity test to prove that you are father before signing and go with the test, don't speak that you want to "confirm", you want to PROVE that you are the father. Proving to others (and to yourself, of course).
Anyone who is against it is against your well-being, regardless how well their intentions are or what morality they preach. If they want to speak to you about morality, just remind them that it's past gone in times when people married before sex and when dealing with it was a family matter (when your neighborhood/family would literally have feuds with each other over many things in family matters).
Hundreds of thousands of young men are doing that and their own relatives are fully supportive of their actions. Life isn't over, will not be and should not be, over such a matter like having a child. You just have to adapt your life to new changes.



That shouldn't be his concern now. He has no option to either abort or choose a child to be born so it's not even about his legal options even if he is "pro-choice". Father shouldn't even bother with it. I'd advise him to chill out and concentrate on anything else. If the mother wants to abort the child based on things such as child's paternity, that speaks a lot about the mother herself. But a father has no say anyways and should not bother to determine paternity before a child is born.

Excuse me he should care.He needs to know if she takes him for child support. Yes she can keep it or not. But down the road if it isn't his, he has proof(documentation) that stands up in court. Do you want to pay for a baby that's not yours?
 
Old 06-25-2013, 07:30 AM
 
Location: Pa
42,565 posts, read 42,449,792 times
Reputation: 24873
Hurri can also count back when he might of made the baby, then count forward 9 months when the baby might be due.
 
Old 06-25-2013, 07:41 AM
 
5,121 posts, read 5,293,324 times
Reputation: 5798
Quote:
Originally Posted by Raena77 View Post
Hurri can also count back when he might of made the baby, then count forward 9 months when the baby might be due.
Mod cut: Off topic. But even then babies can be born early or late. Someone else mentioned she should be showing. She may or may not be at 4 months... some women show earlier and some later. It all depends on the woman's build and how she's carrying.

I would stay calm Hurricane. She could still still be lying--at this point you only have the word of a woman who seems unreliable and who you have had little recent contact with. But if she isn't lying, someone else here gave great advice about a paternity test before you do or commit to anything. You life isn't over, it's just a little more complicated (and it could be temporary).

Good luck and hang in there.

Last edited by PJSaturn; 06-25-2013 at 08:53 AM..
 
Old 06-25-2013, 08:02 AM
 
1,255 posts, read 1,239,252 times
Reputation: 1024
Quote:
Originally Posted by Raena77 View Post
Excuse me he should care.He needs to know if she takes him for child support. Yes she can keep it or not. But down the road if it isn't his, he has proof(documentation) that stands up in court. Do you want to pay for a baby that's not yours?
He should find that out at the point when he can make his legal choice - at childbirth. Not even a second before that. Good thing is that he isn't married, he needs to consent to have his name being put on birth certificate for now (in some cases there were frauds by making a false signature and such things, but that's something else).
What I am saying is this: once a child is born, he should come and demand paternity test SO HE CAN PROVE THAT HE IS THE FATHER. Not to "confirm" or "remove his doubts", but to prove it. To others. And to himself, of course.

He shouldn't be paying for paternity test just so that she can abort a child if it's not his. If he pays for it and finds that the child is his... then what? He still has no say over abortion even if he is pro-abortion. This is why he should chill out and let the things play out. He should be around and support her in any decision that she makes but keep in mind the part about paternity testing and stuff, that is if he is pro-life of that child. He shouldn't put any unnecessary stress upon her, as it can cause many consequences.
If he is pro-abortion, then all he can do is deliberately stress out how she slept with other men, shame her into the ground, blame her for everything, accuse her of deliberately ending pregnant, yell and scream so that everyone can hear it, then go his way.

Once the child is born, any guy is highly advised to do paternity test. Please stop with medieval stuff and please stop with "being offended". People are doing DNA test upon surrogacy on a regular basis even though they believe what they tell them. Children are being marked within hospitals on births to avoid getting the wrong baby. Using "fertile days", "week deduction", "when the condom failed" and such notions is like using medieval methods for discovering a crime suspect for theft, rape or murder. We have DNA analysis and various technology assistance methods that should practically make this whole deal non-existent and paternity testing should have been obligatory long ago.

@OP, you got into this mess and you got a child with a woman that is now your ex, you'll most probably have to rearrange your life to accomodate the new reality and that means lots of sacrifices. But don't be an idiot and don't fall prey to stupidity or shaming. Don't listen to anyone else other than the opinions of your closest relatives on this matter and none of them would EVER discourage you in taking DNA test. If they ever hear you mentioning it, they'd encourage you to do it. Nearly half of all "illegal tests" are done by mothers of their sons.
Numerous guys fall prey to such frauds and never find out. Those who do find out get their world ruined overnight. That's incredibly cruel thing not just for a guy and his emotional being, but for the whole family. Not just a financial obligation. Unfortunately it's not even sanctioned but the victim(s) of the fraud will continue being punished even further.

But please take this on your mind: she might still be lying and doing all this just to make you seriously stressed out because she has nothing better to do.
 
Old 06-25-2013, 08:44 AM
 
Location: NW Indiana
39,373 posts, read 14,447,057 times
Reputation: 99520
Folks, this thread has strayed far from the opening post topic. It's time to close it.

To the OP - don't make any quick decisions without all the facts. Best of luck to you.


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