Men: Why do people do this? (how to, women, husband, vs)
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Okay. My SO left me and there was another woman involved. I get that. What I don't understand is why men don't say what is wrong, when the problem starts - and why won't they say what went wrong after the breakup (it isn't like it will change anything after the breakup). I have asked repeatedly for answers to no avail.
On another thread started by JerZ, entitled (in part) Husband is trying . . ., she wrote
Quote:
Yes, it's only half the story. I'm sure he has his reasons for having not wanted me/not wanted to be good to me for these past few years but he never says why, he just stalks around, neglects/leaves the room for the night, glares and refuses to give me reasons so I've never known how to fix any of this or how to make him happy.
He certainly must have his reasons but I've never known what they were and I've never known why he has been so adamant about staying together despite whatever they may be.
So, PLEEEEEASE . . . can someone tell me
1. What is going on in a man's head to not speak up until it's too late
2. Why don't they give any reasons for the breakup
3. If it's a two-way street why not tell the other person so they know what they did wrong and can learn from it
Mod comment 06/25/13: People, this can be true for BOTH genders. PLEASE do not post gender-bashing comments. Play nice.
(I've changed the title of the thread from "Why do guys do this?" to "Why do people do this?")
Okay. My SO left me and there was another woman involved. I get that. What I don't understand is why men don't say what is wrong, when the problem starts - and why won't they say what went wrong after the breakup (it isn't like it will change anything after the breakup). I have asked repeatedly for answers to no avail.
Because many people, even many otherwise people, become craven cowards when it comes to dealing with conflict. This is especially true when their own behavior has been less than honorable. Your ex is trying to not have to deal with your negative emotions.
Okay. My SO left me and there was another woman involved. I get that. What I don't understand is why men don't say what is wrong, when the problem starts - and why won't they say what went wrong after the breakup (it isn't like it will change anything after the breakup). I have asked repeatedly for answers to no avail.
On another thread started by JerZ, entitled (in part) Husband is trying . . ., she wrote
So, PLEEEEEASE . . . can someone tell me
1. What is going on in a man's head to not speak up until it's too late
2. Why don't they give any reasons for the breakup
3. If it's a two-way street why not tell the other person so they know what they did wrong and can learn from it
I think they don't give any reasons because they don't know exactly what the reason is themselves. If they are leaving you for another woman, well that's your reason. Sometimes men don't realize there's something wrong in the relationship until they meet another woman who awakens something in them. I once heard a guy say its about the old vs the thrill of the new. But as a whole guys that do things like this aren't very good in relationships anyway, IMO.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Quote:
So, PLEEEEEASE . . . can someone tell me
1. What is going on in a man's head to not speak up until it's too late
2. Why don't they give any reasons for the breakup
3. If it's a two-way street why not tell the other person so they know what they did wrong and can learn from it
Short answer, we don't think ya'll can handle it and in a lot of cases women prove men right on this.
Okay. My SO left me and there was another woman involved. I get that. What I don't understand is why men don't say what is wrong, when the problem starts - and why won't they say what went wrong after the breakup (it isn't like it will change anything after the breakup). I have asked repeatedly for answers to no avail.
On another thread started by JerZ, entitled (in part) Husband is trying . . ., she wrote
So, PLEEEEEASE . . . can someone tell me
1. What is going on in a man's head to not speak up until it's too late
2. Why don't they give any reasons for the breakup
3. If it's a two-way street why not tell the other person so they know what they did wrong and can learn from it
No, reason is because many people take everything for granted and he sees you as a commodity, like anything else that he has at his disposal. A car analogy comes into the deal. This means you're literally disposable at any moment and that's it. It's not a "man's thing" it's as much present among women as it is among men. Everything in the life is seen as commodity to a personal "success" or happiness.
Those are some tough times because many folks generally see others as non-human beings. They aren't even aware of that but their mindset functions like that and that's one of the biggest problems.
Because many people, even many otherwise people, become craven cowards when it comes to dealing with conflict. This is especially true when their own behavior has been less than honorable. Your ex is trying to not have to deal with your negative emotions.
I'm not a guy but I honestly feel that it's because they don't know what's wrong. As in, they can not make sense of what they feel and express it. They just know something is wrong and feels wrong but they don't quite know what.
I didn't intend for this to be a thread where one gender was stereotyping the other. The only two reasons I chose to address this to men is because both JerZ and I had it happed to us from a man and most of the women I know don't have a problem speaking up when something is wrong. They will talk to a GF or a mate, but they don't let a relationship go down the toilet without saying something.
When a person starts a thread about their SO/spouse, at least one person posts something to the effect of, Well, that's only one side of the story. That is definately true, but if the people who don't give us information are (as you say) cowards, selfish, etc., then how do we examine our part in the downfall if we are not given any information? We can only post our side, if we aren't told the other person's side.
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