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I have a male friend my age (36). I think there was half a minute when I kinda considered him... until he started checking out every young woman who passed him by.
I like him. We work well together. I'm helping him with a project of his outside of work. I consider him a friend.
BUT...
Whenever we hang out, he needs to talk about every young woman's body and how she looks and which parts of her he finds the most attractive.
I'm sensitive about my age, and although I am still attractive, I have a few defects on my body (I have what's called a 'lipoma' that prevents me from wearing short skirts, though I still can rock a pair of skinny jeans!)
I know he is not interested in me and I am not in him, but I find it very uncomfortable to be with him and he is objectifying and scoping out every younger woman with a perfect body who passes. It's super obvious and it makes me feel bad about myself. Stupid, I know.
Any suggestions?
Your friend has no tact, nor does he understand that talking about these things openly around a woman who doesn't want to hear about them is rather trashy.
He's a good friend, right ? Be honest with him and tell him it bothers you.
We guys are usually not the brightest bulb when it comes to reading feelings or girls minds.
If he truly thinks of you as a friend, then he is going to be comfortable around you. I won't lie I have female friends that I speak about how other women are attractive that I see around them, because they are my friends, no different than how I would talk around my guy friends, and they do the same around me. Having said that, as an above poster said, if you are not comfortable hearing those things let him know, and if he is really a friend he will stop discussing them around you.
I have definitely given him hints that I find it uncomfortable. I'm actually not sure how to broach it.
He's actually not that close of a friend, but like I said, we're working on a project together and he just moved to town and I like him enough that I want to help him out.
It's natural to want to talk about dating and relationships with friends. I'm also single and dating and wouldn't mind having another friend to share war stories with - and it can be fun to do that with someone of the opposite sex.
But the way he goes about looking at younger, attractive women just completely brings out my insecurities.
A) because I'm older
B) I can't wear revealing clothes anymore because of my medical problem even though (I think) I've got a rockin' hot bod
You have been friendzoned. Find someone else/better to be with. Cut ties with this guy if you need to.
There's always the post that advises the OP to cut all ties with someone, be it a friend, a long term SO or a spouse. Sometimes that's not bad advice, but it blows me away that in almost every thread no matter what the situation, there's bound to be the "let him'her go" comment.
To the OP, if you two are as close as you say and the feeling is mutual, which I don't doubt, just talk to him. Say, "Hey, it makes me uncofortable and I don't like it, so cool it, buddy." Then ruffle his hair and go about your business.
There's always the post that advises the OP to cut all ties with someone, be it a friend, a long term SO or a spouse. Sometimes that's not bad advice, but it blows me away that in almost every thread no matter what the situation, there's bound to be the "let him'her go" comment.
To the OP, if you two are as close as you say and the feeling is mutual, which I don't doubt, just talk to him. Say, "Hey, it makes me uncofortable and I don't like it, so cool it, buddy." Then ruffle his hair and go about your business.
I suppose you and I see different things. If anything, this forum is good for that (different perspectives).
Thanks Joe.
No... he's a new friend. This isn't about romance. It's about insecurities. I actually DO want to talk to him about relationships... that's what friends do. I just don't know how to broach him about the fact that his over-consciousness of young women brings out the worst in me.
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