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...it takes a different type of skill and experience to help a woman orgasm than a man. (I'm sure any bisexual person can confirm that for us.) For men it's a fairly mechanical process, and fairly similar from man-to-man. For women it's a little more complex, and varies more from woman to woman. In other words, what worked for your last man will likely work for the next man, but what worked for your last woman may not at all be what your next one is into.
I am bisexual, and my experience contradicts your theory.
I don't know where this myth comes from, that all men are the same, sexually. But I have seen dozens of posts on sex-advice forums, in which men assume it. If one guy prefers sex act A to sex act B, he is convinced that all men do -- that A is just 'better' for men, than B is. It's a very common misconception.
As for inexperienced men getting off more easily with a partner, that has to do with our cultural assumptions about what constitutes 'sex'. We define sex as the act or acts that make it easiest for most (not all!) men to orgasm. When you think about it, this is a rather bizarre definition.
If you change the definition to one that centers on what women typically like, you will find that women orgasm more easily than men. And doesn't lt that seem irrational, to redefine sex like that? But it's what we have done, as a culture, only in the other direction.
While experience may come with age. I also believe that sex has changed a lot over the last 10-20 years.
Many younger girls nowadays look at anal sex and blow jobs like something that's completely normal for most sexual experiences. Many older women I have been with are like "whoa no way" or like a "whoa that was a first time in like 20 years."
I would imagine the same goes with older guys and younger guys as well. Definitely notice that in the older men I talk to. I do have some guy friends in their 40's that can go like 4-5 times a day like a lot of younger guys. So it definitely depends on the guys.
From my social circle and experience compared to reading online, I'd have to agree. Also, reading the statistics about anal and oral sex for age groups before, this is more commonplace in my own age group and younger. I remember even in late teens, girls discussing anal. Whether they would or had tried it. What they thought of it. I get the impression, that this isn't 'okay' in some generations.
Do you think it might be because we grew up with online porn as teenagers? I know when I was 13, there was a lot of free online porn and any adults in my life didn't have the first clue how to block it. Plus this was before adults seemed to be aware of any dangers to chat rooms and there weren't any warnings. I'd go online and would be immediately asked ASL and pretty often complete strangers would make filthy and lewd offers. As a kid, my eyebrows nearly flew off my head. I think those of us born in the 80's and later, had a very different introduction to sexuality than previous generations.
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Originally Posted by LS Jaun
Sounds good on paper but haven't met a woman yet that was interested in having a real relationship with two men. Though, 1/2 of the women Ive dated over the last 5 years were open to an occasional woman. Ive only recently come to terms with that.
I think more women are open to the idea, I just think we're wise enough to never suggest to SO's.
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Originally Posted by augiedogie
GoCubs: I'm very happy for you and your hubby. However, in consideration of this, we all have to go outside our personal experience and realize we may not be typical. IMHO, you would be in the minority. If you study the issue for a few years, check surveys, results, look at people's behavior, then you might come to a different answer. Again, look at the issue of prostitution. Its men who will overwhelmingly pay for sex, not women. Its men who are expected to have a good job, have a nice place, be stable etc. Men have very few of these requirements in general. They are happy in many cases, even if she lives with mom or drives an old car. Think "Pretty Woman" or "For the love of the Game, or "You've got mail" The women are poor, but the guy is a catch, not just based on his looks, but that he's got money. Why else do you have the "he has to be the one to ask or pursue" game.
I will add that I'm not completely closed to the idea that women have an equal sexual desire. People have changed a lot in my lifetime. I just don't see much evidence of it.
If the referenced survey were true, I doubt you'd get these results in this survey. I also doubt that you could find an activity that most men would rather do than sex.
I think this varies by your social circle and where you live.
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Originally Posted by GoCUBS1
I have previously posted stories about my conversations with my GF's and my friend who owns an "intimacy" shop in the city and deals with female customers on a daily basis. I also tried to describe the social demographic I am in. The point is I only related my personal experience after you related yours... And we all have different experiences... I just read a study that Chicago has a high rate of sexual activity (it was on the C-D Chicago forum), so maybe that impacts my experiences - maybe I live in a sexually liberal area. Who knows - maybe it is something in the water - I can only relate what I have seen/heard in my demographic group and it is supported by the OP's study.
Considering I have talked to many of my close GF's frankly about sex - high school, college sorority (lived with 100's of girls for years and we talked a lot about sex), neighbors, work friends, etc... I believe I have enough anecdotal evidence that also supports the conclusions of the OP's study. Feel free to post your surveys, results, etc.. that counter these conclusions... The OP's survey is one piece of evidence.
Movies and TV sitcoms are make-believe and filled with stereotypes. Just because a woman may be more apt to choose a more conservative (or societal approved) behavior (e.g. does not frequent prostitutes, or pursue ONS), does not mean they do not have a high level of desire....
Sounds like Chicago isn't so different from Toronto.
As for sex with women vs sex with men. Yes, there are much larger differences between individual women than there are between men. If it worked with one man, something similar will usually work with another man. The same isn't true for women.
I am bisexual, and my experience contradicts your theory.
I don't know where this myth comes from, that all men are the same, sexually. But I have seen dozens of posts on sex-advice forums, in which men assume it. If one guy prefers sex act A to sex act B, he is convinced that all men do -- that A is just 'better' for men, than B is. It's a very common misconception.
I don't believe women either want or need sex as much as men , I know its not fashionable to say such a thing nowadays but humans are not that different today than they ever were
Interesting. I am very curious as to why the graph regarding; How many are having sex at least once a week is only displaying the combined %'s from men and women.
Curious as to whether it is exactly 50/50, or skewed one way or another.
And the midwest women.... why do they consistently think their drive is high, compared with women in the rest of the nation?
I think more women in the midwest just answered "Yes" to the question of whether they had a high sex drive, without knowing how other women responded.
I have no idea why the midwest women seem to consistently rate themselves as having a higher sex drive - there was another study on the Chicago forum about all this...
I have seen hundreds of forum posts, including many on CDR, in which men state categorically that they would never have a serious relationship with a woman with a high sex drive, especially one higher than their own.
These men say that they believe women with high sex drives are more likely to cheat, and/or more likely to have 'too much' previous sexual experience. (These men do not explain why their own higher drive doesn't make them likely to cheat, or slutty, or otherwise rule them out as partners .)
I think it's clear than, when it comes to marriage, many men deliberately select women with lower sex drives than their own. A man with an average sex drive chooses a wife with a lower than average one, and a man with a high drive chooses a wife who is average. This does not mean women with high drives don't exist, only that they are unlikely to be married to men with issues around gender and sex.
I think this is why we get so many married guys complaining about lack of sex. They are the guys who did not think about the predictable consequences of their choices, and do not think now about what they did to create the situation they are in. They just complain.
That and the couch potato explanation someone posted earlier .
Myth. All the studies out there show married people having sex more frequently than single people.
Lots of men in that thread admit they aren't into their wives anymore anyway; you don't think the wife picks up on that?
I have seen hundreds of forum posts, including many on CDR, in which men state categorically that they would never have a serious relationship with a woman with a high sex drive, especially one higher than their own.
These men say that they believe women with high sex drives are more likely to cheat, and/or more likely to have 'too much' previous sexual experience. (These men do not explain why their own higher drive doesn't make them likely to cheat, or slutty, or otherwise rule them out as partners .)
I think it's clear than, when it comes to marriage, many men deliberately select women with lower sex drives than their own. A man with an average sex drive chooses a wife with a lower than average one, and a man with a high drive chooses a wife who is average. This does not mean women with high drives don't exist, only that they are unlikely to be married to men with issues around gender and sex.
I think this is why we get so many married guys complaining about lack of sex. TYhey are the guys who did not think about the predictable consequences of their choices, and do not think now about what they did to create the situation they are in. That and the couch potato explanation someone posted earlier .
Sounds like a lame'o excuse for a hoochie mama to have 50+ prior partners to me. In which case, duh, most good guys don't want any of that.
I think it's clear than, when it comes to marriage, many men deliberately select women with lower sex drives than their own. A man with an average sex drive chooses a wife with a lower than average one, and a man with a high drive chooses a wife who is average. This does not mean women with high drives don't exist, only that they are unlikely to be married to men with issues around gender and sex.
I think this is why we get so many married guys complaining about lack of sex. TYhey are the guys who did not think about the predictable consequences of their choices, and do not think now about what they did to create the situation they are in. That and the couch potato explanation someone posted earlier .
That is a really interesting theory! I never thought of that.... Would love to see any other research on this....
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. Ive only recently come to terms with that.
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