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So, im a little troubeled cause i really do love this guy but i dont want to.This guy is amazing but recently i found myself making or about to make the same mistakes i made with my ex boyfriend and it scared the hell out of me! First i found myself chosing and evening with him than an evening with friends (something i swear i would never do and i actually never did till last friday. I always put my friends first now), and, even worse, he had to travel due to work and i found myself MISSING HIM like crazy and feeling like crap on the weeked cause he wasnt here. I hate missing and all that! I just get off of a very very long relationship of 7 years and the last thing i want NOW is to miss someone. The last thing i want is to suffer!!!! I also found myself being jealous of the girls he is friends in facebook with, and, damn, i SO HATE JEALOUSY, i was so over that. Actually, one of the very nice feelings i had when my LTR ended was that relief of not feeling jealousy again. So cool! But now it is coming back!
Any advice in how i refrain this natural state of mine in where im so in love and into the other person that i end up suffering? I mean, i really adore this guy and wanna keep dating him, but any advice to make it lighter?? i really dont wanna be in a relationship now, and im not, but it seems that is only words, cause im certainly suffering as if i were in relationship and one thing i DO know: im not ready for that yet.
Wont get into details cause this is a PG13 forum, but did you ever were in a relationship when sex was so overwhelmingly amazing that you find yourself thinking you are in love with a person too soon (less than 2 months after starting going out) but you are really just feeling lust??
I ve been going out with this guy for the last 2 months, after my very long 7 year relationship ended, and, well, lets put it this way: never before had sex with someone like i do with him. Either it is insane chemistry, or he is out of this world cause he is older and more experienced, or am i out of this world cause he makes me, or we make eachother the best cause of the chemistry. I dont know. But it is amazing. He has all the other qualities i like in a guy too (smart, intellectual, writer, funny, humble, nice and a gentleman) but its not possible im IN LOVE (wich i feel) with someone i just know for 2 months after being in such a long relationship. I just dont find it possible that im feeling LOVE so soon, so i might be confusing it with the lust i feel when im with him?? what do u think? is this possible? am I in love?? Im terryfied by the thought of being in love and vulnerable again
It sounds like you are on the rebound, you lucked up to have met this guy who has a very compatible sexual chemistry with you. I do not believe it is love, I have been there before-this is just the classic dopamine effect. It will eventually were off and you will eventually see each other for who they really are (this could be a good or bad thing; it will be good if you can still accept one another after that fact). If this relationship ends as a result you are going to be hurt. I say have fun and enjoy but keep those thoughts of being "in love" until you truly get to know one another after the honeymoon phase of this relationship passes.
Wont get into details cause this is a PG13 forum, but did you ever were in a relationship when sex was so overwhelmingly amazing that you find yourself thinking you are in love with a person too soon (less than 2 months after starting going out) but you are really just feeling lust??
I ve been going out with this guy for the last 2 months, after my very long 7 year relationship ended, and, well, lets put it this way: never before had sex with someone like i do with him. Either it is insane chemistry, or he is out of this world cause he is older and more experienced, or am i out of this world cause he makes me, or we make eachother the best cause of the chemistry. I dont know. But it is amazing. He has all the other qualities i like in a guy too (smart, intellectual, writer, funny, humble, nice and a gentleman) but its not possible im IN LOVE (wich i feel) with someone i just know for 2 months after being in such a long relationship. I just dont find it possible that im feeling LOVE so soon, so i might be confusing it with the lust i feel when im with him?? what do u think? is this possible? am I in love?? Im terryfied by the thought of being in love and vulnerable again
Its happened to me too OP. All I will say is, if it ain't broke don't fix it. Don't change much to upset the good thing you have going and enjoy
So, im a little troubeled cause i really do love this guy but i dont want to.This guy is amazing but recently i found myself making or about to make the same mistakes i made with my ex boyfriend and it scared the hell out of me! First i found myself chosing and evening with him than an evening with friends (something i swear i would never do and i actually never did till last friday. I always put my friends first now), and, even worse, he had to travel due to work and i found myself MISSING HIM like crazy and feeling like crap on the weeked cause he wasnt here. I hate missing and all that! I just get off of a very very long relationship of 7 years and the last thing i want NOW is to miss someone. The last thing i want is to suffer!!!! I also found myself being jealous of the girls he is friends in facebook with, and, damn, i SO HATE JEALOUSY, i was so over that. Actually, one of the very nice feelings i had when my LTR ended was that relief of not feeling jealousy again. So cool! But now it is coming back!
Any advice in how i refrain this natural state of mine in where im so in love and into the other person that i end up suffering? I mean, i really adore this guy and wanna keep dating him, but any advice to make it lighter?? i really dont wanna be in a relationship now, and im not, but it seems that is only words, cause im certainly suffering as if i were in relationship and one thing i DO know: im not ready for that yet.
Any helpful advice? thanks
this is natural
you are on new ground with this guy,, you want to enjoy and protect what you have -past insecurities will creep in,,you are only human.. when you "miss" someone its a wanting, uncomfortable feeling,,,but its there...
we so love to neatly package and label all we go thru...
that when we are wanting,,,, and it aches,,we want to fix it now,,
guard against filling the voids with insecurity driven actions- like the other girls on fb and such...
keeps things good, all above board,,, and dont be sharing these insecurities with your man,,,because he may also be on new ground,,,and if you do share "crazy thoughts" with him,,,-meaning throwing the insecurities out there,,,you are almost legitimisizing them.
cherish what you have now,,,
dont allow your past to haunt you...
do what you think is right- even if its missing a night with friends to spend time with him...what you have is very rare...so cherish it, embrace it,,,and dont be offended if your close friends try to ground you,,,throw up flags,,, they can easily be jealous,
Location: Central Bay Area, CA as of Jan 2010...but still a proud Texan from Houston!
7,484 posts, read 10,444,054 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SophieLL
oh yeah that will be great
how do i do that again?
It takes a lot of inner work, self-reflection, self-awareness, and reality checks.
How you increase your self esteem is a personal choice...what does it for me may not do it for you. There are tons of books out there for building self esteem, for understanding co-dependency, and for trust/control issues. However all relationship issues IMO can be resolved once you have a strong healthy sense of self-worth and I am not speaking about ego. I am strictly speaking about inner peace and self-esteem. Low self-esteem leads to all of the issues I mentioned.
But the bottom line is it will require a lot of effort on your part.
So, im a little troubeled cause i really do love this guy but i dont want to.This guy is amazing but recently i found myself making or about to make the same mistakes i made with my ex boyfriend and it scared the hell out of me! First i found myself chosing and evening with him than an evening with friends (something i swear i would never do and i actually never did till last friday. I always put my friends first now), and, even worse, he had to travel due to work and i found myself MISSING HIM like crazy and feeling like crap on the weeked cause he wasnt here. I hate missing and all that! I just get off of a very very long relationship of 7 years and the last thing i want NOW is to miss someone. The last thing i want is to suffer!!!!I also found myself being jealous of the girls he is friends in facebook with, and, damn, i SO HATE JEALOUSY, i was so over that. Actually, one of the very nice feelings i had when my LTR ended was that relief of not feeling jealousy again. So cool! But now it is coming back!
Any advice in how i refrain this natural state of mine in where im so in love and into the other person that i end up suffering? I mean, i really adore this guy and wanna keep dating him, but any advice to make it lighter?? i really dont wanna be in a relationship now, and im not, but it seems that is only words, cause im certainly suffering as if i were in relationship and one thing i DO know: im not ready for that yet.
Any helpful advice? thanks
I see a lot of red flags here. (bolded items)
Don't take this the wrong way. But reread your entire post here. Think about what is written from 3rd person.
It pretty much sounds like you are having crazy monkey sex with a guy, but you aren't in a relationship. I'm not judging that. But it really sounds like you are misplacing lust for emotions. This guy is rocking your world, and it gives you a high.
But when the guy isn't around, how do you feel? You miss him right? Then you are jealous, right?
This is not healthy. The reality is that you are still a huge mess, and you are using sex as a distraction from the pain in your break up.
Plus, regarding bolded: you really need to work on that stuff. Those bolded feelings are bad for relationships, and you shouldn't be feeling those that much. Especially 2 months in. AND you even say this isn't a relationship.
Many posted have said to the affect, "enjoy it". I disagree.
I think the sex is a distraction, and then you are crashing emotionally when he isnt around. You cry after sex because it is the only time you are experiencing joy and it feels good, and your body is so overwelmed, you cry to process what is going on.
It would be a good idea to chill a little bit with the sex. Try to control the peaks and valleys of your emotions. Most guys i know (read: not all.... I guess) will be weirded out from crying after sex.
I don't mean to he a debbie downer, but I have a feeling this is going to get messy.
Don't take this the wrong way. But reread your entire post here. Think about what is written from 3rd person.
It pretty much sounds like you are having crazy monkey sex with a guy, but you aren't in a relationship. I'm not judging that. But it really sounds like you are misplacing lust for emotions. This guy is rocking your world, and it gives you a high.
But when the guy isn't around, how do you feel? You miss him right? Then you are jealous, right?
This is not healthy. The reality is that you are still a huge mess, and you are using sex as a distraction from the pain in your break up.
Plus, regarding bolded: you really need to work on that stuff. Those bolded feelings are bad for relationships, and you shouldn't be feeling those that much. Especially 2 months in. AND you even say this isn't a relationship.
Many posted have said to the affect, "enjoy it". I disagree.
I think the sex is a distraction, and then you are crashing emotionally when he isnt around. You cry after sex because it is the only time you are experiencing joy and it feels good, and your body is so overwelmed, you cry to process what is going on.
It would be a good idea to chill a little bit with the sex. Try to control the peaks and valleys of your emotions. Most guys i know (read: not all.... I guess) will be weirded out from crying after sex.
I don't mean to he a debbie downer, but I have a feeling this is going to get messy.
You might be right about most of this. Im really insecure, and i need to control those issues. Being inscure and having self esteem issues did no favours to my last relationship.
About the weirded about the crying after sex, thankfully, this guy is not. And its more like a "fun" cry, its not dramatic, and it only happened twice anyway. But no, he wasnt weirded at all. Hopefully this wont get messy, this guy is super sweet and awesome and seems to really care for me (or love me may i say).
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First i found myself chosing and evening with him than an evening with friends (something i swear i would never do and i actually never did till last friday. I always put my friends first now), and, even worse, he had to travel due to work and i found myself MISSING HIM like crazy and feeling like crap on the weeked cause he wasnt here. I hate missing and all that! I just get off of a very very long relationship of 7 years and the last thing i want NOW is to miss someone. The last thing i want is to suffer!!!!
I also found myself being jealous of the girls he is friends in facebook with, and, damn, i SO HATE JEALOUSY, i was so over that. Actually, one of the very nice feelings i had when my LTR ended was that relief of not feeling jealousy again. So cool!
But now it is coming back!
