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He knew that both (the proposal especially) was super important to me and he just ignored it.
It took me a long time to learn, but I finally figured out that someone whose actions show he does not care that something is important to me, no matter how much he loves me and I love him, is not compatible with me. You can't persuade someone to have empathy.
You try to do the stuff that is important to him, right?
I would walk out of his life in a heartbeat. He isn't giving you a ring or proposing, because so far, he doesn't have to. You are sticking around, and he knows it. So why should he? He's getting what he wants - you are putting up with it. Walk away.
He isn't going to marry you point blank. YOu can continue to play the engaged couple and the facade but the wedding will never happen. Don't waste anymore time with someone who isn't willing to put you first.
We booked all the wedding vendors and I ordered my wedding dress.
About a month ago he showed me a picture of the ring and it wasn't at all the one I picked out. I wasn't mad or anything, a ring is a ring and the new one was pretty, but I did say "oh, you ordered a different one" He said this one was cheaper. I just said ok and left it. Two weeks ago my mom asked him what the hold up is with the ring (the store said 3-4 weeks and at this point it had been 6) and he told her, to my total shock, that he had cancelled it because it wasn't the one I wanted. He said he hasn't ordered a new one yet and he will "when he gets around to it"
A week before we got engaged he bought himself a Porsche and a new golf membership. He definitely does not have any money issues and has more than twice my annual salary in his chequing account alone. Keep in mind, I have a great job and I'm not short of cash myself so I am definitely not a gold digger. The day after the conversation with my mom he bought himself an expensive new computer for playing online poker. All he does when he is not working or golfing is play online poker.
I know this sounds bad but I'm growing more and more resentful every single day. I'm so sick of people asking to see the ring and hear about the proposal story and I have neither. I'm hurt! He knew that both (the proposal especially) was super important to me and he just ignored it. I feel so unimportant to him over this and I'm sure I'm probably being stupid but I can't help it. I put up with his outright lies about a proposal coming soon for an entire year and now that we're engaged I hate it! I'm sick of the pity looks and I'm sick of the "did he spend the ring money on his new car?" comments. My ex didn't propose (I married and divorced young) and got me a ring that was on sale so that he could get himself a new bike and it always made me feel like crap. Now 10 years later I'm in the same situation.
He is a great guy. He usually puts me happiness first and we have so much fun together. I do love him with all my heart which is why all of this is even more difficult.
How can I get over this and feel less resentful? Am I just being really selfish?
I don't think your fiance wants to marry you. I also think I would feel the same way if a woman pressured me to propose. You picking out a ring instead of letting him do it, tells me something about you. Because you have a good job doesn't mean you are not a gold digger, your actions tell me otherwise. Why does him buying a new car and a computer even enter into this? You think he should have spent the money on you, instead?
I didn't read the posts from any of the other posters, but I'm sure some of them or maybe most of them feel sorry for you, just like you feel sorry for yourself. My advice would be move on, find another boy friend and next time don't be so demanding, don't pressure him for a wedding date, don't pick out your own ring, and don't let your Mother stick her nose into a situation where it doesn't belong. I can understand why your fiance hesitated getting married to you. Take a better look at yourself and what you have said about this whole situation.
You picking out a ring instead of letting him do it, tells me something about you. Because you have a good job doesn't mean you are not a gold digger, your actions tell me otherwise.
Did you miss the part where she picked an extra-cheap one? And where she has plenty of money of her own and doesn't want his?
Did you miss the part where she picked an extra-cheap one? And where she has plenty of money of her own and doesn't want his?
Just because she has a lot of money doesn't mean she isn't a golddigger. You can be rich and a golddigger. Why else do attractive actresses in their prime settle with old billionaires?
My thought is that he doesn't want to break it off with you, so he's doing things to sabotage the relationship so you'll be the 'bad guy' and break it off with him.
If he wanted to get married, he would have picked out the ring and proposed...you wouldn't have had to basically beg him for it and do it yourself.
Is your relationship so fragile that if you told him EXACTLY how you feel, it would jeopardize the relationship? I think when you get to the point of getting married, people should be comfortable speaking their minds.
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Am I too selfish?
