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I think in general when people say this (that they want to remain friends) what they are really trying to convey is that they still care, that they aren't cutting you off like you never existed to them.
They don't want to be with you any longer, but they don't wish you any ill will or feel anything but sad that they contributed to your hurt.
Most people know after a long term relationship ends you can't "just be friends". Now, after some amount of time, say a period of years, you could be in touch and be more comfortable with each other, but real friendship is harder to achieve.
My ex wanted to stay friends. As soon as I announced "guess what, I have a new boyfriend now." No phone calls, no texts, no nothing. Several days later, I received a phone call, "Hey, remember the ring I gave you, send it back because you don't deserve it anymore." ooooooooook.
You need to concentrate on your own emotional well being at this moment. Staying "friends" with this guy can only hurt you in the long run. You are going through a painful healing process and only your feeling matters at this point. Forget about him, you can find somebody more suitable for you in the future.
learn from this-pawn the ring before you make a new boyfriend announcement
Feel like i needed to comment cause the exact same thing happened to me. My ex broke it off after 7 years of relationship. He meant the world to me, and i gave, quite literally, everything for him. When he broke it off it was like my world explode completely. It wasnt so much (now i know) that i was THAT in love with him (cause, honestly, our relationship had been bad for at least a year) but the fact that he was my world, everything to me, and i was in such a position in where a life without him seemed impossible. I was in a point when i was gonna start a family with him and all. Anyways....
He broke it off. Decided he is having the 30s crisis (he is turning 30 this year) and wants to travel the world and do many things before "commiting". Anyways, he broke up with me, the supposed "love of his life".
And AFTER breaking up, well, he said he wanted us to be friends. Since i loved him so much i said ok. WORST MISTAKE EVER. He would call me constantly to talk about things that happened at his work, or everyday stupid things, and it confused the hell out of me in the first stages of the post-break up! I would end up crying asking him why he ended things if i was his best friend and he loved me? (cause he told me, when he call me: "you are my best friend and i love you!"). I would end up feeling miserable NOT UNDERSTANDING why he broke it off with me. Then he decided it was better not to talk cause i would always end up crying. Thats when things started getting better for me, my social life improved, started meeting new people, my work life improved considerably, i started having fun, MET SOMEONE ELSE (someone....AMAZING), and suddenly i realize that life without crying everyday was a much better life than the one i ve been living for years with him.
Anyways, after almost 2 months in where i felt awesome, he apparead again in my life telling me he "wanted to be friends" cause he missed me. And me, of course, i said ok. WORST MISTAKE EVER PART 2. He ended up telling me (you know, cause we are friends -fyi when he told me this we ve been only broke up for 3 months !-) that, last year, WHEN WE WERE STILL TOGETHER, he had a romance with a girl. You know, a crush, he went out with her and with me for a while there , he thought he felt something for her and thought on breaking up with me for her, but ended up realizing the girl was bad news or whatever. HE TOLD ME THIS. Something that happened like a year ago. To infuriate me or hurt me. Simply cause he ask if i was with someone and i answered "yes" (not giving any details).
After that, he was determined to hurt me. To this day, i dont answer his calls but i get all kind of texts from him. One day he hates me, one day (like today) he sent messages saying "i love you".
ONE ADVICE FOR YOU, FROM SOMEONE IN A SIMILAR SITUATION: CUT ALL CONTACT WITH HIM! For real. Give yourself time. A LONG TIME.
I am good friends with my ex's, and when it comes to dating it's a bit of a red flag to me if soemeone is not. We might not be compatible..
A lot of people, though, I think when they say 'friends' they mean 'not enemies'. As in, he wants to be reassured that you do not hate him and/or are not going to torch his car. Up to you if you want to provide that reassurance.
Feel like i needed to comment cause the exact same thing happened to me. My ex broke it off after 7 years of relationship. He meant the world to me, and i gave, quite literally, everything for him. When he broke it off it was like my world explode completely. It wasnt so much (now i know) that i was THAT in love with him (cause, honestly, our relationship had been bad for at least a year) but the fact that he was my world, everything to me, and i was in such a position in where a life without him seemed impossible. I was in a point when i was gonna start a family with him and all. Anyways....
He broke it off. Decided he is having the 30s crisis (he is turning 30 this year) and wants to travel the world and do many things before "commiting". Anyways, he broke up with me, the supposed "love of his life".
And AFTER breaking up, well, he said he wanted us to be friends. Since i loved him so much i said ok. WORST MISTAKE EVER. He would call me constantly to talk about things that happened at his work, or everyday stupid things, and it confused the hell out of me in the first stages of the post-break up! I would end up crying asking him why he ended things if i was his best friend and he loved me? (cause he told me, when he call me: "you are my best friend and i love you!"). I would end up feeling miserable NOT UNDERSTANDING why he broke it off with me. Then he decided it was better not to talk cause i would always end up crying. Thats when things started getting better for me, my social life improved, started meeting new people, my work life improved considerably, i started having fun, MET SOMEONE ELSE (someone....AMAZING), and suddenly i realize that life without crying everyday was a much better life than the one i ve been living for years with him.
Anyways, after almost 2 months in where i felt awesome, he apparead again in my life telling me he "wanted to be friends" cause he missed me. And me, of course, i said ok. WORST MISTAKE EVER PART 2. He ended up telling me (you know, cause we are friends -fyi when he told me this we ve been only broke up for 3 months !-) that, last year, WHEN WE WERE STILL TOGETHER, he had a romance with a girl. You know, a crush, he went out with her and with me for a while there , he thought he felt something for her and thought on breaking up with me for her, but ended up realizing the girl was bad news or whatever. HE TOLD ME THIS. Something that happened like a year ago. To infuriate me or hurt me. Simply cause he ask if i was with someone and i answered "yes" (not giving any details).
After that, he was determined to hurt me. To this day, i dont answer his calls but i get all kind of texts from him. One day he hates me, one day (like today) he sent messages saying "i love you".
ONE ADVICE FOR YOU, FROM SOMEONE IN A SIMILAR SITUATION: CUT ALL CONTACT WITH HIM! For real. Give yourself time. A LONG TIME.
Sorry to hear about your story. Not to side track. Maybe that's why he broke up with you in the first place and pretended with the b.s.
Sorry to hear about your story. Not to side track. Maybe that's why he broke up with you in the first place and pretended with the b.s.
Well, it could be, cause our first break up was actually last year around June, wich is suspiciously close to the date he started going out with this girl. But it was one of those "breaks up" when he suddenly decided he wanted to get back together with me but more "lightly", so i went along with it. He wanted to have the cake and eat it, too. Classic. So he was going out with me and the girl at the same time for 3 months (that whats he says, it could have been more for all i know), and he was lying to me too cause he swore he wasnt with anyone. And then he broke up with me AGAIN this past March. Probably he had a new girl in mind after that last one failed. And after this new girl failed too, he decided he wanted to be "friends" with me again (aka sleep with me). Hes been asking to sleep with me on the phone for weeks before i definetely decided not taking any more of his calls.
Saddest part? I thought he was different. I didnt think he was that kind of guy. Not the cheater type. Anyways.....silly me
My ex told me he still wanted to remain friends after we broke up and although at the beginning it was tough I'm so glad we did. I spent alot of time with him and thought of him as a friend so when we ended i didnt want to be spiteful and cut him out my life......... He now has a new girl and I'm really happy for him.
I agree. My own experience on the receiving end is that it was confusing and hard to adjust to= + for your decision. On the giving end, I had to say something...but how could we be just "friends"? She came back for "clarification" numerous times and we never worked it out...because it was impossible to be together and not have sex. = + for your decision (based on what you said).
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. My ex broke it off after 7 years of relationship. He meant the world to me, and i gave, quite literally, everything for him. When he broke it off it was like my world explode completely. It wasnt so much (now i know) that i was THAT in love with him (cause, honestly, our relationship had been bad for at least a year) but the fact that he was my world, everything to me, and i was in such a position in where a life without him seemed impossible
. Anyways, he broke up with me, the supposed "love of his life".
. Anyways.....silly me
