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View Poll Results: Would you settle for someone who you weren't particularly sexually interested in?
Yes 13 16.25%
No 53 66.25%
Maybe 14 17.50%
Voters: 80. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 07-03-2013, 05:01 PM
 
Location: Sugarland
5,398 posts, read 3,572,013 times
Reputation: 4290

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Quote:
Originally Posted by the minx View Post
So you're planning to tell him that you don't find him sexually appealing?
If he isn't happy with me sexually, I'm sure he'll move on whether I tell him that or not.
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Old 07-03-2013, 06:04 PM
 
Location: Houston, Tx
7,572 posts, read 4,551,703 times
Reputation: 7601
Most people do end up settling, so you wouldn't be the first or the last woman to do so. Most men who aren't rich are going to end up settling, and most women who don't look like Kate upton are going to end up settling. Men settle when they realize they're not going to marry a Victoria secret model, and women settle when they get older like you and their biological clock starts ticking and they realize they're no longer that young hot thing anymore, so they settle for a "nice guy", as opposed to when they were younger and had a long checklist in what they wanted from a mate.
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Old 07-03-2013, 06:09 PM
 
12,298 posts, read 7,314,367 times
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If you had described the situation differently, I might suggest that you settle, but based on what you've said here, I'd say no, don't settle for him.
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Old 07-03-2013, 06:13 PM
 
Location: Sugarland
5,398 posts, read 3,572,013 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 14Bricks View Post
Most people do end up settling, so you wouldn't be the first or the last woman to do so. Most men who aren't rich are going to end up settling, and most women who don't look like Kate upton are going to end up settling. Men settle when they realize they're not going to marry a Victoria secret model, and women settle when they get older like you and their biological clock starts ticking and they realize they're no longer that young hot thing anymore, so they settle for a "nice guy", as opposed to when they were younger and had a long checklist in what they wanted from a mate.
Pretty much. Although in my case, I don't think I've ever had a long checklist of things that I wanted in a guy. The main thing I've always wanted is to feel passionately about someone. Still, I know I could do a lot worse than this guy but there are no guarantees that I could do any better. I don't regret walking away from anyone in the past, but it's just not something that I want to keep doing without really giving things a fair shot.
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Old 07-03-2013, 06:16 PM
Status: "Many happy years" (set 2 days ago)
 
Location: Copenhagen, Denmark
4,554 posts, read 2,201,461 times
Reputation: 4643
Does the passion you want to feel come from your imagination or your brain? Romantic does not mean sexual. Find out who you are; what you need. Go after what you want.
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Old 07-03-2013, 06:18 PM
 
3,525 posts, read 1,535,670 times
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Women ruin nice guys....
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Old 07-03-2013, 06:27 PM
 
12,298 posts, read 7,314,367 times
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Are you going to have sex with him before getting married? I feel strange even saying this, but I think you will have more clarity after you have sex with him.
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Old 07-03-2013, 06:32 PM
 
Location: Sugarland
5,398 posts, read 3,572,013 times
Reputation: 4290
Quote:
Originally Posted by srjth View Post
Are you going to have sex with him before getting married? I feel strange even saying this, but I think you will have more clarity after you have sex with him.
I don't know whether I'll have sex with this guy at all, but I'm not waiting for marriage to have sex. I'm waiting for the other "M" word- motivation. lol
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Old 07-03-2013, 06:33 PM
 
1,546 posts, read 671,326 times
Reputation: 1855
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweet Like Sugar View Post
If he isn't happy with me sexually, I'm sure he'll move on whether I tell him that or not.
That's a nice selfish way of approaching a relationship. Buyer beware. Let him find out and fend for himself, right?
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Old 07-03-2013, 06:38 PM
 
641 posts, read 438,381 times
Reputation: 988
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweet Like Sugar View Post
I've gone out a few times with a nice guy. He seems to be somewhat interested in me, but it's too early to say where things are headed. We're almost at the point where I guess there would be a reasonable expectation of some physical contact and while this doesn't repulse me, it doesn't excite me either. He's cute but I don't really have an interest in getting naked with him at this point and based on past experience, I either have that kind of attraction for someone right away or I never do.

So basically at this point, I would normally choose to part ways with someone because I truly do want someone who I can feel passionate about in that way. But I no longer feel that I can just move on to the next guy because the chances of me finding what I'm looking for are slim (based on past experience and reality) and if I want to have children, I have to do it in the next 5 years or so. Really, it's not so much having children that I'm worried about but I'd just rather be settled and not dating in my mid-30s and up (I'm 32 now). I know that in general, dating options for women just get worse and worse so I should just realize that this guy is probably the best that I'm going to get, hope that he settles for ME, and be happy about it. Sure, I could just remain single, but studies show that I would have a better chance of being happy with a good guy who I don't feel fireworks with than just being on my own.

I'm a hopeless romantic at heart though so thinking about a potential relationship this way is somewhat depressing. It's not that I expect someone to be everything that I want, but I at least want to feel excited about being with that person. Am I being unreasonable? Can anyone here actually admit that they "settled" for someone and turned out to be happy with their decision? Anyone regret not settling when you were younger because you now realize that you probably would've been better off doing so?

When I say "settling", I don't mean overlooking things that are truly important to you, but just things you don't necessarily NEED to have in someone. Since I haven't felt sexually attracted to 90% of the guys I've dated, I think that just might have to be something that can't be a requirement for me although it is something that I would like very much.
My cousin settled and all she does now is cheat on him. She can't leave because they can't afford it, so they're both miserable. To top it off, her husband is a super nice guy and is still completely in love with her. Please DON'T settle! And I say that as someone who is almost 34 and single. I've been having a very difficult time finding available and attractive men, so I know what you mean. Just hang in there. Settling for someone is not the best way to a relationship, especially if you're a hopeless romantic.
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