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I hate to hear a married woman say If he lets me ...I mean come on he is your husband not your parent . Far too many women let their husband rule them like a king over a land or something and it burns me up and my husband knows he never says things like that to me . He knows I would never talk to him like that and he had never better talk to me like that . I do what I want and I get what I want . The same stands for him if he wants new tools per say he gets em he does not have to ask me Im not his parent . I just cannot understand that mentality of some married people .Does anyone else ?
Most married people answer to each other. I don't know any successful marriage where one party does what ever they want. Marriage is compromise, and sometimes you end up doing what your spouse wants you to do in order to make them happy. You should be able to expect that your spouse will do the same sometimes however. That being said it is normal for a wife to sometimes say "if he lets me".
I dunno.
I'm in the home improvement business (painting contractor) and I hear this quite often, but from both sides. I think I hear it more from men than women, actually. In my field, women/wives tend to have the final say. If mama ain't happy, nobody is happy.
The vast majority of the time it's just husband/wife/partner being considerate of the other person's wishes and wanting to check in on something that will probably be an expense, or decor decision.
I'm female BTW and can be touchy on the whole "male head of the family" bit but honestly I don't hardly ever see it and I deal with such folks on a daily basis.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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"If he lets me" could very well mean she wants to be in agreement with her husband before proceeding with a decision that may impact both of them. Just a thought.
I hate to hear a married woman say If he lets me ...I mean come on he is your husband not your parent . Far too many women let their husband rule them like a king over a land or something and it burns me up and my husband knows he never says things like that to me . He knows I would never talk to him like that and he had never better talk to me like that . I do what I want and I get what I want . The same stands for him if he wants new tools per say he gets em he does not have to ask me Im not his parent . I just cannot understand that mentality of some married people .Does anyone else ?
That may work fine for you, phonelady61, but not everyone is you. In my house, my husband is the head of the family. He makes the decisions. Now, he often asks my input, but if he does not I trust him to take care of business. If I want something or want to do something, I ask him. If it is something that he need more information about to make a decision, we discuss it. But ultimately, he makes the decision. I trust him to be fair and to do what is in the best interest of the family. after 12 years, he has never let me down yet.
I'm sorry that you do not have the type of relationship with your husband where you trust his decisions. I think it would be a terrible burden to have to deal with, but like I said, I am not you and you most certainly am not me. What is so wonderful about life, love, marriage and city-data is that each person's choices in life are just as valid as someone else's. There is no right or wrong, except what is right and/or wrong for YOU. And nobody has the right to pass judgment on how someone else chooses to live their life.
We discuss decisions . . . but having said that . . . I never say "if my husband lets me" -- I say "I will have to discuss this with hubby" or "I need to run this by my husband."
It has been my experience that when I don't want to do something (like make a commitment for a dinner out with another couple, or attend a particular event) . . . I will buy some time by saying "I need to run this by my husband."
So . . . don't be so sure that married folks aren't simply deferring to their spouse as a way of putting off saying NO to whatever is on the table, whether a new car or tickets to a football game. And likewise, don't assume there is something wrong with two people in a relationship always discussing things b/f decisions are made.
I dunno.
I'm in the home improvement business (painting contractor) and I hear this quite often, but from both sides. I think I hear it more from men than women, actually. In my field, women/wives tend to have the final say. If mama ain't happy, nobody is happy.
The vast majority of the time it's just husband/wife/partner being considerate of the other person's wishes and wanting to check in on something that will probably be an expense, or decor decision.
I'm female BTW and can be touchy on the whole "male head of the family" bit but honestly I don't hardly ever see it and I deal with such folks on a daily basis.
I have never said that. We talk about things and know our limits. I do agree that it upsets me at times when people either blame their spouse for things or have to check with them, and in such a way that it is almost like they are having to ask a parent for something. Just because you are married doesn't mean you have to lose your identity. Perhaps I got lucky because my husband is practical like I am, so I don't expect him to check with me on things when it comes to finances and he treats me the same way. The only thing that we really check on is our schedules simply because of our daughter. Before that, it wasn't a big worry. I think it all comes down to trust. I know that older generations have a different view of marriage than my generation, so I know that many won't agree.
The old marriage vow required a wife to love, honor and OBEY her husband.
This may have been changed in modern vows, but that is no reason to be angry.
If you do not wish to use that vow, fine.
When the woman says "If he lets me" -she is deferring her decision to her husband...Using him as an excuse- so don't be burned---It has nothing to do with the man...same can be said in reverse.. There was a period when I was down and out...I would go to my older rich brother and ask for a loan...He was always a very cheap person...he would say "I will have to ask Mary"...what he really means is no.
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