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in all fairness, if i were a 50 year old virgin who always lived at home with mom and iddy was after me with her ticking ovaries..... I would drink too. Heavily.
You think all addictions are the same?? Wrong. You know NOTHING about alcoholism. I have far too much experience with it. There is no such thing as a "cured" alcoholic.
Thanks for your insight. I'm glad you disagreed with me and provided evidence and your experience. Adds value to your argument.
Please continue posting in this thread. Your informative posts add endless value.
The last sentence in your posting is the one that screams the loudest b/c there is no way you can help anyone overcome an addiction. The individual is responsible for taking ownership of their addiction: accepting it and doing all they can to end the addiction once and for all. Alcoholics are always alcoholics: meaning they usually end up 'dry drunks' and still have the alcoholic personality. There is no cure for this condition; but it can be controlled.
As far as yourself; you need to ensure you desensitize yourself to being with an alcoholic and take excellent care of yourself, and don't lose your own identity in the process. As you already know from dating another alcoholic, they expect the world to revolve around them; they want to be the center of attention and each day is about them, not you, and definitely not about building a healthy and solid relationship. You, as the caretaker, are last on the list in their minds.
If by stating that you'll 'take a back burner' with regards to his addiction, that is impossible if you think there is a way to help him.
This. The pure fact that your boyfriend is an alcoholic, means that your needs will not get met in this relationship. Your boyfriend cannot even attempt to meet your needs, because he is presently neglecting his own. He is abusing himself with alcohol. People can't give to others what they're not giving to themselves first.
I think it's kind that you want to help him and be there for him through this process. But realistically, I think you need to end it. He needs to embark on his own path of healing and self-discovery (addicts typically have a very under-developed sense of self). And you, in turn, need to take care of you. You deserve better, and you deserve to be in a mutually-fulfilling relationship.
You appear to be a very volatile and angry person. Perhaps you should seek some help?
Nah, just dont agree with people suggesting to give up and walk away instead of at least attempting to help someone they clearly care about.
I'd rather be passionate or angry in regards to sticking up for those I care about, as opposed to just walking away.. apparently I'm the only one here who feels that way.
If there are other issues thats one thing, if its merely the alcoholism then I suggest at least giving it a shot. Doesnt seem like she has other guys waiting in line, no sense in not seeing what happens.
I could not imagine turning my back on someone I care about when they truly need me most. Would not even cross my mind.
Crazy. Thats news to me. I was a drug addict for about two years and I wouldnt consider myself a "recovering" drug addict. I remember snorting coke in my car with friends on my lunch break or doing lines half the time I was at work. Even did it at school. Probably went a year smoking weed virtually every day before school, at lunch, amd after school.
I quit before I turned 18. Two years later I tried smoking weed once and it was an absolutely terrible experience. Haven't touched it since and have ZERO desire too. Thats been over 5 years ago.
What do I know though. Apparently alcohol must have a much stronger addiction that drugs. I have friends with similar experiences as me but with cigarettes. Addicted for years and now they cant stand them.
My uncle has also been sober for over 30 years after being a severe alcoholic.
What do I know though. I know when I was doing drugs people that cared about me didnt desert me. Even my gf at thr time who didnt do them. Granted, people actually cared about me. Clearly some of you are incapable of caring about someone when it comes to addiction. Would hate for them to inconvenience your life or anything.
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Oh please, don't be so melodramatic, some of us have actually survived not just lived through living with an alcoholic or an addict. You lived with yourself when you were doing drugs but you did not experience yourself, there is a huge difference. The Uncle that you mentioned who used to be a severe alcoholic, he still is an alcoholic, he just does not drink any longer (that you are aware of).
I quit excessive drinking at the age of 15 which was 6 years before I could legally purchase liquor. I started drinking excessively at the age of 7 or 8. Was I an alcoholic, you betcha. Am I still an alcoholic, you betcha I just don't drink much any longer. I had about 6 ounces of wine just this evening which is the first alcoholic beverage I have had since June 16, 2012.
My niece got married that day and we had a couple glasses of wine at the wedding reception, it was about 12 ounces of wine total right after we arrived at the reception. When that was gone, no more alcohol for me. If I had not chosen to limit my alcohol consumption it would have gotten ugly very quickly.
Nah, just dont agree with people suggesting to give up and walk away instead of at least attempting to help someone they clearly care about.
I'd rather be passionate or angry in regards to sticking up for those I care about, as opposed to just walking away.. apparently I'm the only one here who feels that way.
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Some of us are speaking to the OP from experience. Friendship is one thing. Trying to start/maintain a romantic relationship with an alcoholic is stupid and pointless and likely will not end well.
Nah, just dont agree with people suggesting to give up and walk away instead of at least attempting to help someone they clearly care about.
I'd rather be passionate or angry in regards to sticking up for those I care about, as opposed to just walking away.. apparently I'm the only one here who feels that way.
If there are other issues thats one thing, if its merely the alcoholism then I suggest at least giving it a shot. Doesnt seem like she has other guys waiting in line, no sense in not seeing what happens.
I could not imagine turning my back on someone I care about when they truly need me most. Would not even cross my mind.
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Your point has been clearly made with that statement right there.
Since there is no one else in line for her affection and attention she should just "settle for the alcoholic".
Your point has been clearly made with that statement right there.
Since there is no one else in line for her affection and attention she should just "settle for the alcoholic".
I'm not exactly feeling sorry for her either.
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