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I like the thinking "we are not friends" I am of the opinion men and women can't be friends. (whole other discussion) He is too immature for me. We had one date. I think he only wanted sex from me from the beginning because he took 9 days to contact me after the date. (also a whole other discussion. Don't mean to keep going off topic.) At first I was insulted. I was physically attracted to him but could tell he was too immature. I blew him off here and there and I think if I suggest a drink after work one day and he meets me I could let him lead me into sex and see how it goes. I hate to say it but I can't take him seriously. I think that is just what I need to not get emotional about him.
I missed this post before.
Are you sure this is not a revenge thing? That you don't just want to 'pump and dump' him because he blew you off before?
I have a very hard time separating emotions from sex. I am female. My biggest concern is I might feel like I disrespected myself- like I sold out. Like I am making a statement that I can't do better than some guy who wants just sex. But that is just feelings. I know I can so maybe I shouldn't go there with this guy. I am worried about the consequences. There is no plan. I'm really thinking of not doing anything because in the long run I don't think this will be helpful to me.
If a relationship is what you are really wanting, and it sounds like it is, then best not enter into a fwb. I think this is why so many people have a hard time with being a fwb.
^^^^ No, Nila ,like I said in the rest of the post, I know I can do better than some guy who just wants sex.
I wasn't sure I was interpreting the rest of the post right, that's why I was asking. Sorry I did not make that clear .
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I think I could like him as a person, we actually have things in common even though he is 7 or 8 years younger. But they are superficial things. I do like him as a person. I suspect he might drink too much and that he is still hung up on his ex wife,
That makes him a good candidate for a casual relationship .
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or at least would rather have a younger woman like her. But someone older , like me , will do for sex. Part of me says just do it, you want to have sex, just take a chance. But I am afraid I will feel bad about myself. Look how uncertain I have been throughout this thread. My gut is telling me to go for it. See how it turns out. So I will go with the earlier idea/ plan of texting him one afternoon when I feel like going out after work for a drink. We can meet and see what happens including I could go back to his place . . .
Well, what's the worst that can happen?
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Originally Posted by bellakin123
^^This. I think you answered your own question . If you have any doubts at all and worry about how you'll feel about yourself then I recommend not doing it. The last thing you want is regret.
Why is regret such a big deal? You try something. It's an experiment. If you find out you don't like it, then you learned something. Then you move on, happy in the knowledge that you have a new, more accurate idea of what you want in relationships.
I worry I'm not as evolved as you. I believe it comes natural to men to compartmentalize sex more so that it does for women.
That's not true in my experience. Men tend to imagine that they will be able to compartmentalise, because that's what society says. But IME just as many men as women discover they cannot. And it's a big shock to them.
I think some women can, some can't, some men can, some can't. I am not sure there is any way to predict about a specific person (including yourself), without trying it.
[/quote] That is why I think this guy has potential. Intelligence and maturity are usually things I want in a mate. It is obvious he is younger than me personality wise. If someone doesn't turn me on personality wise, it is hard for me to fall in love.[/quote]
Yeah. I think that's what makes a good casual relationship -- someone you like, and are attracted to, but with good reasons on both sides for why you do not want more.
I wasn't sure I was interpreting the rest of the post right, that's why I was asking. Sorry I did not make that clear .
That makes him a good candidate for a casual relationship .
Well, what's the worst that can happen?
Why is regret such a big deal? You try something. It's an experiment. If you find out you don't like it, then you learned something. Then you move on, happy in the knowledge that you have a new, more accurate idea of what you want in relationships.
The OP already sounds like she may regret it. I know when I've had fwb, there was no doubt what I wanted. I didn't second guess myself. I don't push anyone into anything they're not comfortable with and so far, the OP hasn't given me any reason to believe that she truly would enjoy this type of relationship. I agree, you can learn something from it but not everyone looks at it the same way. And some people who make the wrong choice beat themselves up over it. OP mentions in her other post about what she would think of herself. Why should she put herself through that?
Are you sure this is not a revenge thing? That you don't just want to 'pump and dump' him because he blew you off before?
Oh gosh no. I am SO not like that. (me using a man for sex makes me LOL the idea of it. Not that I think he'd mind. I mean come on, a man who doesn't contact you for 9 days after a date and is an immature flake from what I've seen. Though he has good qualities too. I think he just wants sex.)
I don't think I'd pump and dump him. If it is good sex, I'd want to do it again. I am confident of my sexual skills but I also worry about my ego if he did not want to repeat it. I have too much fear but am leaning towards I need to overcome that.
[quote=NilaJones;30341437]That's not true in my experience. Men tend to imagine that they will be able to compartmentalise, because that's what society says. But IME just as many men as women discover they cannot. And it's a big shock to them.
I think some women can, some can't, some men can, some can't. I am not sure there is any way to predict about a specific person (including yourself), without trying it.
It is true the way to a man's heart CAN be through his pants. Not typical, but true in my limited experience.
The OP already sounds like she may regret it. I know when I've had fwb, there was no doubt what I wanted. I didn't second guess myself. I don't push anyone into anything they're not comfortable with and so far, the OP hasn't given me any reason to believe that she truly would enjoy this type of relationship. I agree, you can learn something from it but not everyone looks at it the same way. And some people who make the wrong choice beat themselves up over it. OP mentions in her other post about what she would think of herself. Why should she put herself through that?
Yeah, I can see your point. It depends on whether she is likely to be upset by something not working out, and down on herself.
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the idea of it. Not that I think he'd mind. I mean come on, a man who doesn't contact you for 9 days after a date and is an immature flake from what I've seen. Though he has good qualities too. I think he just wants sex.) 
