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Old 07-12-2013, 01:09 PM
 
Location: Los Angeles, CA
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I don't get along with my Mom for various reasons. I was wondering how that is perceived when dating? Do girls think it's a red flag or it is what it is?

I haven't had a problem up to this point, just think it makes for an interesting conversation
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Old 07-12-2013, 01:18 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
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It's never occurred to me to consider that. It really depends on the mom. I wouldn't read anything into it, myself. I'd evaluate a guy on his own merits.
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Old 07-12-2013, 01:18 PM
 
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I would prefer a man not get along with his mother actually.

Too many HORRIBLE experiences with men (boys) who got a long with their mothers too well.
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Old 07-12-2013, 01:24 PM
 
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
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I have learned over the years that a woman that didnt have a good relationship with their father during childhood (argued, treated her father bad, abusive father, etc) tend to treat the men in their lives that way (of course, its just my observation) same can be said about sons treating their mothers bad.

Its always the first question I ask a woman when Im looking for a LTR. How her relationship has been with her father (if applicable)
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Old 07-12-2013, 01:25 PM
 
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To me it is, well, maybe not a red flag, but an orange one.

If he doesn't get along because the mom has huge issues, then those issues will have impacted him growing up.

If he doesn't get along with her because of his issues, even worse.

And I agree that enmeshed is just as bad.

I do look at people's relationships with their families, when assessing compatibility. The ideal would be healthy, sane family members, having fun together when they hang out at reasonable intervals (that could be anything from twice a year if long distance to 2-3 times a week if they live in the same neighborhood, I guess), and who relate to each other as adults, not stuck in a grownup/child dynamic.

There is also, of course, the idea that you should look at the same-sex parent as a model of what your SO is likely to be like, physically and/or mentally, when they are older .
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Old 07-12-2013, 01:30 PM
 
1,039 posts, read 868,512 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Freshflakes757 View Post
I don't get along with my Mom for various reasons. I was wondering how that is perceived when dating? Do girls think it's a red flag or it is what it is?

I haven't had a problem up to this point, just think it makes for an interesting conversation
What kind of the various reasons?
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Old 07-12-2013, 01:30 PM
 
Location: Pa
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Nah I don't get along with mine. She is disorganized and I'm orderly. We bump heads.
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Old 07-12-2013, 01:32 PM
 
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i myself loved my mom and got along with her but we just didn't see eye to eye. that often made for a kind of strained relationship at times but i just could not live with my mom (been on my own since 29) due to her ways and i never regretted it. i think it depends on the kind of issues a man had with his mom that determines future problems in a relationship. anyway her relationship with my dad also fed into the problems i had with my mom so it wasn't just her alone.
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Old 07-12-2013, 01:39 PM
 
Location: Canada
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I would wonder how you treat your mother, despite not getting along with her. My SO's mom is a, hmmm, unique individual, but despite her issues, he's always very respectful of her.
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Old 07-12-2013, 01:42 PM
 
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my mom had a dysthymic dominant mother who was always telling my mother that she should tell others things that they should rather not be told. my mother blindly followed her orders and several times had incurred the other person's wrath for telling them things they would rather not hear. my mother never stepped back to evaluate whether her own mother was accurate

my mother never resolved this and ended up doing to others (and to my father and to me especially) what her own mother did to her. my mother alienated many around her, me, our relatives, etc. she was just a difficult person

she was a good person thought she meant well. she couldn't see that her own behavior was always getting her into trouble and she was always trying to fix others when they never asked to be fixed, often to the point of her becoming physically ill. she would never take no for an answer

i often encounter women who are like my mom who have a martyr complex, always try to change others, claim to know what's good for them. but i am able to identify these types and know they're not good for me

i think it depends on the kind of problem a man had with his mom, rather than just not gettlng along
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