Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I am sorry that you have to go through all of this. I knew the first christmas would be bad - but this is pretty bad!
You said what you had to say - but don't expect it to mean much to him really. He can't confront the ramifications of his actions - he will lie to himself and hide from it. BUt it really is more important that you feel good about saying it all and really letting it all out there!
Take some time to rest - it could not come at a better time!!
I am making the first Christmas the first of one of the best. Work sucks, I dont care.
He cannot hide from it.
But I can move forward.... I can do what I need to do, and I am smiling this very minute.
Its all good!!!! WOOHOO!!!
We will be just fine. We are just fine. It is a wonderful thing. I am sitting here alone, yes, and I will be except for all of the crazy shoppers I encounter this weekend.
I will see the kids at 600 on Christmas Eve, and I will grab them and hug them like there is tomorrow.
Christmas is a little hard for me as it stands, with my mother having passed away on Christmas Eve 2000, but for the kids, I went on. Every year.
This year, will be no exception. I think my parents would have been very proud of me right now.
Looking back to months and months ago, when I was thinking what am I gonna do, and then sitting here now, there was nothing else to do, and I did it.
I will keep on doing it!!!!!!!
YAY to everyone!
Last edited by Pikantari; 12-22-2007 at 05:42 AM..
I am making the first Christmas the first of one of the best. Work sucks, I dont care.
He cannot hide from it.
But I can move forward.... I can do what I need to do, and I am smiling this very minute.
Its all good!!!! WOOHOO!!!
We will be just fine. We are just fine. It is a wonderful thing. I am sitting here alone, yes, and I will be except for all of the crazy shoppers I encounter this weekend.
I will see the kids at 600 on Christmas Eve, and I will grab them and hug them like there is tomorrow.
Christmas is a little hard for me as it stands, with my mother having passed away on Christmas Eve 2000, but for the kids, I went on. Every year.
This year, will be no exception. I think my parents would have been very proud of me right now.
Looking back to months and months ago, when I was thinking what am I gonna do, and then sitting here now, there was nothing else to do, and I did it.
I will keep on doing it!!!!!!!
YAY to everyone!
Morning Robyn!!! I'm sooooooooo glad you are feeling better. Think of that migraine as just another thing that you've overcome. Girl, you dealt with him in THE MOST effective way possible, and some really crappy co-workers to boot, all with a migraine. I think those are on the way out the door as well Robyn! The upcoming year will be a year with a lot of new things, and a lot of the old things will go away - like those darned migraines!
You have come a looong way, Baby!! I think I became involved with your story back in August. Oh, my!! Just think what you have accomplished!! Wow!
Toughen up for the support fight. You can do it!! The only women I've ever heard say they were happy taking less (in order to escape) were the women who were making more then their ex husbands. Even in those cases, the choices didn't always keep the ex away. Those who tried to be nice and work with 'him' at the expense of their kids' welfare seemed to regret not using every possible avenue to have the fathers provide what is their legal responsibility to their children. This isn't about you sitting on your fanny eating bon-bons, watching soaps, and getting your nails done, Robyn. Although he will probably accuse you of that at some point.
Always remember he made the choices that brought you to where you are. You didn't make the poor choices with relationships, parenting, and finances. I can't help but wonder if his attorney had a light bulb moment the other day and suggested to him that he sign the papers now. He may be hoping to get out of paying a larger support amount with his recent actions. I don't mean to be so negative. I'm certainly pleased for you to have that part of all this settled. He still needs to take responsibility for the children during the week and make education a very high priority if he is going to have them with him.
Robyn, if he's in the mood to work things out it could be because he had to refill his retainer with the attorney for the first time- usually when you start you give them an amount of money that they keep to pay themselves from and at the end of each month it gets refilled by the client to the original level- that might have him running scared and ready to settle.
Here's what I would do if I were in your shoes:
Make a list of what you want from him- co-pays, assistance with getting kids to appointments. But spell it out very specifically. For instance, that with adequate notice of at least one week (or whatever you want) he will take responsibility at least once every other month (as needed) to take the kids to appointments. It doesn't mean he will definitely have to- but it makes him responsible to help out with orthodontic, dentist, counseling,etc as needed so it all doesn't fall on you.
As for taxes, how about this- every OTHER year, he gets to claim A. Specify odd/even years and you always claim L. A will age out more quickly and that gives you more years to claim L. And maybe I'm being charitable but a thought is to give him A for the taxes being filed next month- that will maybe give him relief enough to get a refund and get his own place to live- and it might serve as immediate gratification for him.
As for the amount of Child support- I forget how much you're getting now- but do an online search for the tables and enter your info- see what the estimate is that he would pay - if it's more than your rent, ask for that. If it's less than your rent, ask for the amount of your rent. That would take a huge burden off of you- to have your rent covered. Now this is just advice (child support) but it's a gauge to work from.
IMO he hasn't become all "warm & fuzzy" just because. Something has him worried maybe his lawyer said "the Judge is gonna nail you" or "this is the amount of CS they are going to make you pay so you need to get her to agree to our amount" or maybe even "good ole mom" said something. But I am getting all sorts of red flags on his "emotional seeing the light"
DO NOT let his lawyer determine how much he pays. The state has requirements. I bet he is nervous because he has no living expenses and lots of overtime.
I would also stand firm on the every other weekend visits.
I am confused about Christmas visitation. He has them Christmas eve ?
Where will they be "waking up" Christmas morning ?
Not to "stir the pot" but I would be hell bent on them waking up in their own home for the first Christmas in the "chime house"
yay robyn i am glad they will be home Christmas morning
I know what he is thinking
"a few tears and I have her where i want her" little does he know you are not the same person
because we all know you are a SBW !!!!!!!
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
