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Old 12-01-2007, 11:57 PM
3,774 posts, read 9,509,667 times
Reputation: 1798


LOL Karla, Rance explained everything to me. I still want to buy you guys lunch on your next trip. I'll probably never get to visit Florida in this lifetime.
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Old 12-02-2007, 04:14 AM
Location: NE Florida
17,835 posts, read 28,087,340 times
Reputation: 43245
mal you might want to rethink that
it is going to be 77 here today and mid 60's to 70's all week
when I talked to rance the other day it was 5 lol

ok lol I guess i better get back on topic

hey robyn how was your saturday did you guys pick out a "IB face"
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Old 12-02-2007, 08:14 AM
Location: NoVa
18,435 posts, read 26,632,476 times
Reputation: 19517
OK, my weekend must be ok for my thread to have turned into a karla and Mal chat...heehee

You guys are cracking me up! I rested most of the day yesterday, talked on the phone quite a bit, and rested some more. Today is the day of reckoning!

Cleaning what I didn't clean yesterday!!! I only did 2 loads of clothes!


Karla, I had him get the kids Friday, there was a big mix up with the school, and busing, and I had to leave work, and he was in town waiting for me to get off, so i called him. I felt sick after seeing him, but I dont think it had to do with him, I think the stress caught up with me, the lack of appetite, therefore, the lack of not eating much. Overwhelming feeling of passing out...

I feel good today!
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Old 12-02-2007, 08:21 AM
Location: NE Florida
17,835 posts, read 28,087,340 times
Reputation: 43245
Originally Posted by cinderobyn View Post
OK, my weekend must be ok for my thread to have turned into a karla and Mal chat...heehee

You guys are cracking me up
lol robyn we were just the little commercial break

you need to eat
even if it is simple things like noodles and butter or my favorite when I am not feeling well pastina

For the life of me I can't figure out how 2 people (us) can generate so much laundry I am on load 3 so far today
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Old 12-02-2007, 09:09 AM
Location: In the sunshine on a ship with a plank
3,413 posts, read 7,483,722 times
Reputation: 2198
I'm on two and waiting for #1 to dry so I can put #3 in........... then I have to do sheets too.


Robyn, I'm glad you're feeling better.
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Old 12-02-2007, 11:43 AM
Location: NoVa
18,435 posts, read 26,632,476 times
Reputation: 19517
Default I regressed a little today :(

I don't know what happened, I guess it is normal.

When I was with him, I was nothing, I was no one. Never did I feel blessed, other than my children.

Since I have been apart from him, I have been blessed unbelievably. I know it is because I know I am someone, I have allowed the Lord into my life, I matter.

I AM blessed. I don't know. Today I just got an overwhelming feeling of why am I blessed? Why? I was never blessed before, never. I was very tearful, very emotional. Why am I blessed? There are other people in worse situations than me, I know there are.

I have felt like I have come so far, then all of a sudden, I went back to that old mentality. The one I have been getting away from, retraining myself, if you will. But today, I question myself. Am I good enough?

I talked to a friend of mine for a while, and felt a little better. Then a little while later someone else called me and he told me you are blessed because the Lord loves you, and he is allowing those blessings to be bestowed upon you. He loves you and He knows what you need even before you do.

Now, I know this, but I think I have just been overwhelmed with stress, and blessings, I dont know, I just went back. Never do I want to go back, I don't like how it feels to be nothing. I don't want to be nothing. I am someone. I am not that person who was stomped into the ground for so long anymore

I am not her. I am me. Tears stream from my face, with the mere thought of the way it was. Tears of sadness, because I was there, tears of joy because I am not.

I am so sorry if this is crazy....
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Old 12-02-2007, 12:06 PM
Location: Back in NYS
2,489 posts, read 6,923,621 times
Reputation: 2094
Yes Robyn - What you are feeling is normal. You have not been away from your previous situation all that long and it's normal and natural to have the feelings you are having. You don't have to worry about "going back." You never will, but it is a fear that I think a lot of us have when we first leave an abusive relationship, especially when everything hits us at once.

The important thing to remember is that you now realize how unhealthy your relationship was and remembering that guarantees that you will not go back.

You've only started on your journey forward - sometimes it takes one step forward and two steps back, sometimes we keep going forward, it's just the way a lot of it works.

Acknowledge what you feel, then let it go. You most definitely ARE someone and sometimes realizing that is scary all by itself when you've been "conditioned" to think otherwise.

It's all normal and it's all part of the healing process....Now go eat something and just chill for the rest of the afternoon until your kids get home.
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Old 12-02-2007, 12:17 PM
1,642 posts, read 4,189,123 times
Reputation: 1164
(((Robyn))) Hey, Darlin', you're not crazy at all. This is all normal. The remembering, the fears, the doubts....all part of the journey. The feelings are there, but intellectually you know you aren't there anymore. With time, those emotional flashes will fade.

As you have more experiences with your new life, you will learn to trust yourself more and more. It should go really fast for you. You have been doin' sooooooo well. Not that you haven't had problems, but you are meeting them with wisdom, great strength, and success!! WooHoo!

I suspect this is a sort of Post Traumatic Stress that's hitting you. You are there alone and nothing to deflect the memories right now. I bet when you are busy and your mind is occupied you don't have these moments. Trick your brain! Find somewhere for your mind to focus.

Have you made any of your jewelry lately? Go play some of the games here on CD. Even Online friends can be funny. Laugh!!!!!! Find every reason you can for laughter.

Thinkin' of ya!!

Now I gotta get back to scrubbin' all the hardwood floors. Gotta keep busy!! Make the aches and pains go away. Yeah. Right. LOL! Besides, we're havin' a snow event here.
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Old 12-02-2007, 06:02 PM
Location: NoVa
18,435 posts, read 26,632,476 times
Reputation: 19517
I am home now, from picking up the kids. We had to go to the grocery store on the way home.

I met them at a Wendys, where we meet now. The kids greeted me with huge hugs and kisses, almost knocking me over. Hugging me over and over, Mommy we missed you!

I got them loaded up, with all of their stuff, and had them close their doors so I could ask if L did ok. He said she did pretty good. He looked into my eyes, he looked at my whole face, he looked at my lips.

He looked like he loved me, he looked like he longed for me. I could feel it, I could feel how he felt hovering all around me. He closed his eyes for an instant, as if to think it was all just a bad dream, and he reopened them, and I was standing there, and he shook his head. Still with the look of longing.

I told him I was glad he and the kids had a great time this weekend. The way he was looking at me, it was like, like no way he has ever looked at me before. The way I felt was no way I had ever felt before, from him.

It was strange. It was like we were in slow motion and I needed to break the transe. Why long for me now? Why not love me and treat me right when we were together? Has he met his realization? I don't know.

I know that I am a different person now. I dont know who he is.

He gave me a child support check, and gave me a check for half the amount of the security deposit, and I signed the back of the check that the landlady gave him with both our names on it.

The kids and I left, and now we are home. What a strange weekend for me.
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Old 12-02-2007, 07:44 PM
Location: Seek Jesus while He can still be found!
2,957 posts, read 5,504,270 times
Reputation: 7700
Well YEAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! You'll have some money again:-) Another CHRISTmas miracle!!!

Hugs to your and your children Robyn!

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