Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Many of parents children have grown up and eventually moved many miles away to pursue careers, follow spouses, etc. At one time I had 6 kids scattered all over the country. Even the world. My youngest son was in the middle east for ten months while in the Army. I would suggest getting married first though. When I was in the Army I was sent from Ft Hood to Oklahoma TDY on special assignment to test night flying infra red and heat imaging equipment that was just coming out. I was a crew chief on a Huey helicopter and that was what we were using for the night flights. I met a girl there and we ended up getting married. When I got out of the Army I brought her back to my home state of Ohio. When we left Oklahoma it was sad but we were married and I had a good job waiting to go back to from where I worked before. I made sure we went back to OK to visit as often as possible. Her parents understood because we were happy. I had a good job, and I was taking care of us. Of course they missed their daughter but knew it was best for us. They never disliked me and we communicated often. They just wanted to be sure their girl was ok. And she was. But I wouldn't even have suggested her coming back with me if we hadn't been married.
I've done it...moved eight hours from family for a relationship and job. Stayed where I moved even after the relationship ended five years later, and had moved on to another job in that same area fairly early on.
I love my hometown and my family, but I was looking for other jobs other places when I met my then S.O. anyway, because it's very rural and I'd essentially exhausted the limited employment opportunities available to me, and in order to progress, really kind of had to leave. My SO is in the military, and our agreement is that I will go where he goes, because my work is pretty portable. I'm not a "You'd better get married before you do that" person, because I know that it's no guarantee. In fact, I'm very glad in retrospect that I DIDN'T marry my then-SO first, because the outcome would have been the same in the end, and a horrible breakup of a cohabiting relationship, while sucky, was still loads less complicated than a divorce/comingled assets would have been.
How old are you? You seem very concerned with disappointing your family by leaving the nest. My parents have always been supportive of my choices, and they were VERY realistic tht small-town work opportunities would just not be there for me, and that I would eventually move on...the world today is not one where small-town people with an education can necessarily stick around; there just aren't the jobs.
They were concerned for me when my relationship ended and I stayed on in my city, rather than come back home, because they weren't sure I had enough safety net people in my "new" life to regroup well, and were concerned that I'd be sad and lonely after a traumatic, life-altering event, but they knew I'd do what I needed to, and be where I needed to be.
Last edited by TabulaRasa; 07-18-2013 at 07:18 AM..
My boyfriends is very high in his company, and the only way for him to continue moving up is to move to a new store... He is considering moving on the east coast... he is from texas and has lived in over 8 different countries.
I however, am born raised, louisiana..... ive never lived anywhere but in the same city my entire life... i went to college, right down the road from my family at LSU. my entire family lives here. We southerners dont do change well... we stay in the same place.. I however, do not want to end up this way. i want to live places and see the world. but, telling my parents i am going to be moving away with my "boyfriend" potentially 2000+ miles away from them, is not only going to devastate them, but break their heart and disappoint them to a point im not sure if they will ever come back from.
me and my boyfriend have an AMAZING relationship. His job allows us to live the life we want. I have an OK job, not in the field i want. He pays for majority of our bills, he has already offered me 100% for everything, if i quit my job, he will pay for everything, so finance for me isnt the problem, plus my job pays me well and i have money saved up, so having to come back if this doesnt work isnt an issue.....
I just need help with my family issue... my dad mainly... I dont know how to tell them " hey, ive met the man i am going to marry, and we are moving 18 hours away, to a city where i dont know anybody." ....
I assume you mean 18 DRIVING hours. Which means it's about a 2-3 hour air flight away. Get some perspective and make sure he puts a ring on it. Do not move without getting married.
I however, am born raised, louisiana..... ive never lived anywhere but in the same city my entire life... i went to college, right down the road from my family at LSU. my entire family lives here. We southerners dont do change well... we stay in the same place.. I however, do not want to end up this way. i want to live places and see the world.
This is a good first step then. Sounds like he is in retail and there may be other oppurtunities down the road to move again to other places. Or maybe even move back to Lousiana.
Quote:
Originally Posted by nikkidinh
but, telling my parents i am going to be moving away with my "boyfriend" potentially 2000+ miles away from them, is not only going to devastate them, but break their heart and disappoint them to a point im not sure if they will ever come back from.
Some folks here might not understand how parents of a grown child can be like this, but I saw it with my own wife and her folks. We were married and wanted to get out of the town we were both born and raised in. But they raised holy hell that I was taking her away from them.
And, in my case, it was 90 miles west. (We're from a small town and they were very small town and southern.)
Quote:
Originally Posted by nikkidinh
me and my boyfriend have an AMAZING relationship. His job allows us to live the life we want. I have an OK job, not in the field i want. He pays for majority of our bills, he has already offered me 100% for everything, if i quit my job, he will pay for everything, so finance for me isnt the problem, plus my job pays me well and i have money saved up, so having to come back if this doesnt work isnt an issue.....
Others have already given this advice, so take it for what it is worth. But go all in. If you're going to make the leap to move all of this way with him, then marriage seems the most logical step if you really feel for him the way you seem to and if he is really this great guy. (Going by what you say, he is and that's great!) But talk to him about it and if he is game, then throw a wedding in your hometown with your folks there. It might sit a little better with them if their daughter is moving so far away to be with her husband rather than moving so far away to be with some dude.
Quote:
Originally Posted by nikkidinh
I just need help with my family issue... my dad mainly... I dont know how to tell them " hey, ive met the man i am going to marry, and we are moving 18 hours away, to a city where i dont know anybody." ....
Really, you just have to decide for yourself what you are going to do and do it. Break it to them gently if you must, but also be firm that these are your plans and you're excited about them. You have to life your life for you, but choose carefully. Make sure this is really what you and your BF want. Good luck. It does not sound like an entirely bad problem to have.
Get married first. If only to insure that you have health benefits. Don't make a big deal out of it - just have a small ceremony and take everyone out to dinner afterwards, with a bigger backyard barbecue later for friends. This "dream wedding bonanza" schtick that's been shoved down the throats of the female population is ridiculous.
Honestly, I'm a little worried hearing about the idea of you moving that far from home with no marriage and the idea that you'll just quit your job and he'll take care of everything. What happens if you guys break up? I know no one wants to think about that happening... but...
I can not believe all the posts saying to get married first. Let me put it clear. DO NOT RUSH MARRIAGE JUST TO APPEASE YOUR FAMILY.
Get engaged, maybe, but like I said, do not rush getting married.
My best friend was in this SAME situation. My buddy and I moved to Texas from Iowa. He met this amazing girl and they were great for each other. She had lived in Texas near her family pretty much her whole life. Well, he had an opportunity to go back to Iowa to start a family business that would be very successful.
It was very hard on her family, they were very mad for a while, but they eventually got over it. Well, she moved to Iowa with him and was just like deathly home sick. She hated being away from her family. He got sick of her constantly complaining, always grumpy cause she wasn't near her family, etc. etc. so he broke up with her.
They were great, but that issue to him was not worth dealing. He had a business to run and she needed to be close to her family, plain and simple.
Thank GOD they didn't get married first, then they would feel obligated and could be very very miserable for a long time/forever and things would only get worse.
My gf is also similar to you. She is from Texas as well and in a similar situation as you with her family. Well, part of my job is I potentially travel all over the country. It was hard for her a bit and I feel bad sometimes, but she moved away from home and came with me for work. I literally make 10x what she makes, so have zero issues supporting her since she does everything around the house. When I travel if she can get a part time job that's great, if not, that's fine too, but she does get pretty bored.
We are not yet ready to get married and not sure we are perfect for each other. We get along well and love each other and agree on virtually everything, but marriage isn't something to rush. Not for convenience, not for health insurance benefits, etc. You can go to Blue Cross Blue Shield and get a great personal health insurance plan for around $120/mo with a reasonable deductible, or pay even less for a higher deductible.
I would say go with it. I am just like you in regards to my family. I grew up in the same small town in Iowa with my whole family, grand parents, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. I didn't want to spend my whole life there and needed to spread my wings so I've been traveling. My family is beyond understanding and I see them on holidays and such.
Your parents are being very selfish about this in my opinion. I've been to Louisiana plenty and I know how the family thing is for a lot of people. There's nothing wrong with you being young and wanting to venture to other parts of the country
I can not believe all the posts saying to get married first. Let me put it clear. DO NOT RUSH MARRIAGE JUST TO APPEASE YOUR FAMILY.
Get engaged, maybe, but like I said, do not rush getting married.
I literally make 10x what she makes, so have zero issues supporting her since she does everything around the house. When I travel if she can get a part time job that's great, if not, that's fine too, but she does get pretty bored.
Getting married for reasons other than wanting to get married isn't good either, I agree. But look at the scenario you're setting up. Your GF has no power. You hold all of it. You make 10x what she makes. She "does everything around the house." You have all the control in that relationship. That's not healthy. Now, this doesn't mean you're a bad guy, that you abuse her, or that it doesn't work for your particular relationship. Some women like being homemakers.
But it doesn't change my opinion that this girl leaving her family and moving 2,000 miles away with a guy she's just dating isn't a great plan. Particularly not if she doesn't have equal financial footing. If they were married, that's a little different because then it's joint income and there are more protections in place. But her having no job, no control of the money, nothing going on for her there but a guy who holds all the cards... well, that doesn't set up a healthy scenario either...
Honestly, I'm a little worried hearing about the idea of you moving that far from home with no marriage and the idea that you'll just quit your job and he'll take care of everything. What happens if you guys break up? I know no one wants to think about that happening... but...
This.
While I do not have concerns about the marriage aspect, the not having financial independence element is honestly a much bigger eyebrow raiser, to me.
My relationship that took me far from home did not last longer than five years, but I DID have employment and was able to take care of myself and my own individual household once my relationship ended. I'm not a stickler on the marriage thing, but I would in no way not prepare for my own financial independence, were I you. You can't leave yourself that vulnerable. What if you break up? What if he DIES? What if he becomes disabled? What if he gets fired? You need to be able to provide for yourself, and plan for it.
You can get past being dumped. Even if you live far from friends and family - trust me, been there, done that, it sucked, but it was definitely something that was possible to recover from. Being dumped AND being broke and having no job and being on your own away from a safety net? Much harder. When my relationship fell apart five years in in a new city where I had no family for almost a thousand miles, man, if I had not had my job and the means to support myself, find a new place to live, etc., I'd have been up sh*t creek.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
