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Old 07-20-2013, 07:17 AM
 
30 posts, read 23,109 times
Reputation: 60

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I have been dating this guy for the past few months and right off the bat he made it clear that if the relationship didn't involve sex, then he wasn't going to stick around. Thinking back, that should have been a red flag right there....

I'm pretty inexperienced when it comes to relationships and sex, but i enjoy sex. Everytime he comes over, which is a few days a week, we have sex and everything is fine. But the few times I'm not in the mood or too tired and don't want to do it, he gets pretty upset and leaves right away. Obviously this makes me feel ****ty and I have no idea if everytime he leaves it means we're broken up or what. I'm just left confused, hurt and in tears.

My instincts are telling me that this isn't "normal" behavior for someone who's in it for more then just sex. But I could be wrong. Like I said i'm pretty inexperienced when it comes to this.

Is sex really that important? Should I just do it even when I'm not in the mood just to keep him happy? Is it ok if I don't want to and he does?

Thoughts please
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Old 07-20-2013, 07:20 AM
 
9,665 posts, read 8,661,850 times
Reputation: 3225
No it's not normal. You are being used, in my opinion.

Terminate the relationship.
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Old 07-20-2013, 07:21 AM
 
Location: San Antonio/Houston/Tricity
38,019 posts, read 55,817,679 times
Reputation: 89792
Any type of pressure or ultimatum is a big, red flag to me.
He uses you for sex, obviously. Without sex nothing is going on. There is no relationship.
As soon he gets tired of you, he will drop you like a hot potato. With no regrets.

Depends what you want, you need to make a decision.
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Old 07-20-2013, 07:22 AM
Status: "Beach time!" (set 24 days ago)
 
Location: Fredericksburg/Virginia Beach, VA
10,686 posts, read 11,095,828 times
Reputation: 13955
If this guy is making you feel guilty for not having sex, bail out while you're still ahead. His behavior is manipulative and controlling. He is in it for the sex and if he doesn't get his way he will not be happy. He sounds like a child.

Sex is important, no doubt about it. But it is important to be on the same page. If you're always the one giving in simply to avoid him being in a bad mood, you are not in a healthy relationship. There are times when he needs to give in and respect when you are not in the mood. If he can't do this, he is not cut out for a long term relationship and in the long run you are better off without him.
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Old 07-20-2013, 07:26 AM
 
Location: Tennessee
16,225 posts, read 22,611,053 times
Reputation: 24023
Quote:
Originally Posted by amyemae View Post
I have been dating this guy for the past few months and right off the bat he made it clear that if the relationship didn't involve sex, then he wasn't going to stick around. Thinking back, that should have been a red flag right there....

I'm pretty inexperienced when it comes to relationships and sex, but i enjoy sex. Everytime he comes over, which is a few days a week, we have sex and everything is fine. But the few times I'm not in the mood or too tired and don't want to do it, he gets pretty upset and leaves right away. Obviously this makes me feel ****ty and I have no idea if everytime he leaves it means we're broken up or what. I'm just left confused, hurt and in tears.

My instincts are telling me that this isn't "normal" behavior for someone who's in it for more then just sex. But I could be wrong. Like I said i'm pretty inexperienced when it comes to this.

Is sex really that important? Should I just do it even when I'm not in the mood just to keep him happy? Is it ok if I don't want to and he does?

Thoughts please
Throw him to the curb!
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Old 07-20-2013, 07:29 AM
 
26,004 posts, read 33,018,112 times
Reputation: 32225
Quote:
Originally Posted by amyemae View Post
I have been dating this guy for the past few months and right off the bat he made it clear that if the relationship didn't involve sex, then he wasn't going to stick around. Thinking back, that should have been a red flag right there....

I'm pretty inexperienced when it comes to relationships and sex, but i enjoy sex. Everytime he comes over, which is a few days a week, we have sex and everything is fine. But the few times I'm not in the mood or too tired and don't want to do it, he gets pretty upset and leaves right away. Obviously this makes me feel ****ty and I have no idea if everytime he leaves it means we're broken up or what. I'm just left confused, hurt and in tears.

My instincts are telling me that this isn't "normal" behavior for someone who's in it for more then just sex. But I could be wrong. Like I said i'm pretty inexperienced when it comes to this.

Is sex really that important? Should I just do it even when I'm not in the mood just to keep him happy? Is it ok if I don't want to and he does?

Thoughts please

Oh good LORD. Dump him. He is doing nothing more that using you. How can you not see that?
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Old 07-20-2013, 07:30 AM
 
Location: Greenbelt, MD
8,965 posts, read 6,502,475 times
Reputation: 44364
Quote:
But the few times I'm not in the mood or too tired and don't want to do it, he gets pretty upset and leaves right away.
This is not normal. You are being used. Kick him to the curb today!
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Old 07-20-2013, 07:32 AM
 
Location: Greenbelt, MD
8,965 posts, read 6,502,475 times
Reputation: 44364
Quote:
Originally Posted by ChessieMom View Post
Oh good LORD. Dump him. He is doing nothing more that using you. How can you not see that?
She is inexperienced.

Quote:
Like I said i'm pretty inexperienced when it comes to this.
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Old 07-20-2013, 07:34 AM
 
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
14,797 posts, read 12,256,281 times
Reputation: 26244
sex is very important

to a playa!
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Old 07-20-2013, 07:35 AM
 
Location: Chicago
3,391 posts, read 3,740,665 times
Reputation: 7795
Quote:
Originally Posted by amyemae View Post
I have been dating this guy for the past few months and right off the bat he made it clear that if the relationship didn't involve sex, then he wasn't going to stick around. Thinking back, that should have been a red flag right there....

I'm pretty inexperienced when it comes to relationships and sex, but i enjoy sex. Everytime he comes over, which is a few days a week, we have sex and everything is fine. But the few times I'm not in the mood or too tired and don't want to do it, he gets pretty upset and leaves right away. Obviously this makes me feel ****ty and I have no idea if everytime he leaves it means we're broken up or what. I'm just left confused, hurt and in tears.

My instincts are telling me that this isn't "normal" behavior for someone who's in it for more then just sex. But I could be wrong. Like I said i'm pretty inexperienced when it comes to this.

Is sex really that important? Should I just do it even when I'm not in the mood just to keep him happy? Is it ok if I don't want to and he does?

Thoughts please
Sex is extremely important.

Unfortunately, we live in an extremely sex-negative culture that tell us sex is trivial, that "emotional connection" is all that really matters.

Rubbish!!

We are risen apes, not fallen angels. For the vast majority of men, sex is a basic human drive that must be satisfied if we are to remain psychologically and emotionally healthy. The fact your man wants sex all the time proves is human, not that he is using you!

That said, he should be more sensitive to the fact you may not want to have sex occasionally. If you are normally sexually receptive, he shouldn't complain if he doesn't get it occasionally.
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