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Whenever someone must ask a question to confirm their intuition, I think they know the answer even subconsciously. Stay away from this guy. He is a narcissistic loser!
I need help. And I feel like the only way I can get an honest, clear opinion is to ask random people I don’t know on the internet, because your opinion will be much more objective, straightforward, and reliable than my own. Also, I have literally no one else to talk to.
Okay. I’ve been with this guy for about ten months now. I know, that’s not a lot of time. But before we were together, we were really good friends for years. I am a sophomore in college ], and so is he. Now, I really love this guy. Call me crazy, but I do. I just can’t seem to get a grasp on what the problem with our dynamic is. I’m unhappy. A lot. But I always feel like it’s my fault. I feel like he’s got me wrapped up in sick mind games. And I don’t know if he is really playing games with me, or if it is really my problem.
I think I should first start off by stating one of the main problems, I think, of our relationship. This boy is Muslim. As in, born and raised in the middle east, very traditional Muslim. He prays five times a day, and had sworn himself to God to stay pure and good. Until he met me, apparently. I was the first girl he ever kissed, and gave his virginity to. He said it was because I captured his heart, and was so beautiful, smart and wonderful that he couldn’t resist. I try to be a good girlfriend. I call him when I can, and if not, I text him.
Here’s the thing. Whenever I think we’re in a good place, or that we’re happy. He says something or does something that makes me completely re think our relationship. Okay, so earlier. We were texting, about religion. He then says out of the blue that he can never have a conversation with me, and that talking to me is like talking to a brick wall. I asked him how, and he said that I am never there for him. He keeps bringing this up, and I have no idea what he wants. I am there. As much as I can be. I work a lot. So I don’t see him often. But he keeps saying that I don’t treat him like a loving girlfriend. We take a class together. I help him with his homework. We talk on the phone almost every night. How is that not being there?
And he is no one to talk. So many times before he’s treated me like ****, with no reason whatsoever. He can be so mean. One time, we had made plans to hang out. Somehow, they fell apart because we both got busy or something. He called that night, livid that I didn’t bug him enough to see him. So we decided to hang out the next day. I called him in the morning. Then an hour later. Figuring that he was asleep, I called and called. He sent me a text telling me to **** off and to forget anything ever happened between us. I didn’t hear from him for three days. One time out of the blue, he texted me that I’m a *****, a **** and a *****. I call him in tears to confront him, he tells me he’s joking and that I deserved it because I mock him whenever he tells me his problems. Like, I did that once. He was complaining that he was tired from working all day. I said, “poor baby.” Because I had been working hard that day too.
And so many times he’s changed his mind about being with me because of his “religion dilemma.” About three months in he broke up with me, because this relationship went against all that he stood for as an upstanding Muslim. Three days later he calls saying he misses me. Another time, two months ago, he broke up with me again, right before my graduation recital (I’m a cellist), saying that this relationship was wrong. We were broken up a whole week. He called every night and lamented to me about how much he loved and missed me. We hung out one day, he kissed me, and said he could not be without me, that I was all he wanted in the world.
Now we’re at tonight, where I’m writing up this post after midnight. We were texting earlier, and talking about religion. He said that in the Quran it states that a muslim man is better off marrying a muslim slave girl than a non-muslim free girl. This offended me, so I responded, “so what?” He then called me an infidel. I asked him why he has such horrible mood swings and why he’s always taking it out on me. He then responds, with the classic, “because you are never there for me. You’re supposed to be the one who comforts me, but you are too busy for that.” I then said I was going to call him to actually discuss this. He answered, said he was at the mosque, and that he didn’t have time for me.
I don’t know what to do. I keep thinking he’s an *******. But the way he explains things, he makes me feel like he’s perfect, and that I’m the root of every problem. After all, he’s risking a lot being with me. His father is an Islamic priest. Whenever I call to confront a problem, he explains it to where in the end, I think, “huh. He’s right. It is my fault. I deserve this.”
I know from the outside, this probably sounds crazy. And deep down I know it probably is too. But I’m so invested and in love that I can’t see past the needs of my heart. I know I shouldn’t be with him. I know he’s probably bad for me, but I love him. Because when we have great moments, they really are great. He truly is my best friend. Hell, my only friend. I’m really shy, and really guarded. I let my guard down with him.
I guess what I want to know here is that I’m not crazy. I need someone to tell me that I am not at fault here. Or maybe that I am. Maybe I’m expecting too much from him and that I’m acting like some priss princess or something. I don’t know. Thanks to all that reply!!
I read your post to the point you said he was Muslim. If you knew more about this culture you would end it now, but I know you won't do that. In the past I've known a few college women that got involved with Muslim Men, you are headed for heartache, loose of your children if you have them, and many other problems.
I think it's easy to dwell on the fact the guy is Muslim but the main issue is you fell in love with the wrong person. People are able to endure a lot of abuse when they are in love. Your choice now is to stay with him and continue to suffer indefinitely or break up with him and suffer for one or two years which is about how long it might take to get over someone you truly love.
Stay with him if you want to be treated as a second class citizen the remainder of your life. He appears to be one who will use his religion to justify how he treats you.
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