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Old 07-27-2013, 12:34 PM
 
Location: New York
757 posts, read 1,098,868 times
Reputation: 330

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Quote:
Originally Posted by malamute View Post
It sounds like the sex is all pretty good in your relationship, but you have absolutely no committment, and are not in love at all but the sex is okay.

people in love really don't think they need to be trying out a whole lot others before they can decide if they love their partner. People really don't need to try out some set number of bed partners before they can know if they're in love.

I think you should just go ahead and break it off and get to trying all those other sex partners, the sooner the better.
Ironically, the people who keep saying this are probably people who have had multiple sex partners.

 
Old 07-27-2013, 12:49 PM
 
Location: Katonah, NY
21,192 posts, read 25,069,663 times
Reputation: 22274
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jonathanp219 View Post
Ironically, the people who keep saying this are probably people who have had multiple sex partners.
Yes - and we aren't with our first loves, either. There are people on here who married their first loves and never had sex with anyone else. Obviously - their need to sleep with other people didn't override their love for each other. So - there you go.
 
Old 07-27-2013, 01:07 PM
 
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,679 posts, read 41,529,573 times
Reputation: 41302
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jonathanp219 View Post
Ironically, the people who keep saying this are probably people who have had multiple sex partners.
I agree with them and I'm a virgin.
 
Old 07-27-2013, 01:19 PM
 
15,013 posts, read 21,564,498 times
Reputation: 12334
You don't sounds in love, you sound in like.
 
Old 07-27-2013, 01:19 PM
 
Location: New York
757 posts, read 1,098,868 times
Reputation: 330
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dewdrop93 View Post
Yes - and we aren't with our first loves, either. There are people on here who married their first loves and never had sex with anyone else. Obviously - their need to sleep with other people didn't override their love for each other. So - there you go.
Love and sex does not always go hand and hand. Any man or woman can have sex with someone they don't give two ****s about and still enjoy it. Humans need for sex has been around much longer than emotional attachment. At the end of the day urges will prevail over your attachment with any said person. People shouldnt question anyone's love for a specific person just because they want something different. It's like saying I can't eat pizza because my favorite food is chicken.
 
Old 07-27-2013, 01:20 PM
 
Location: New York
757 posts, read 1,098,868 times
Reputation: 330
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Dissenter View Post
I agree with them and I'm a virgin.
And I believed the same thing when I was a virgin
 
Old 07-27-2013, 01:23 PM
 
Location: Pittsburgh
29,627 posts, read 34,103,329 times
Reputation: 76624
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jonathanp219 View Post

I can't imagine being in love with anyone else, the thought is frightening to say the least.
.
And having written that, you'd be totally cool with the idea (and the reality) of her having sex with another man?
 
Old 07-27-2013, 01:23 PM
 
Location: Katonah, NY
21,192 posts, read 25,069,663 times
Reputation: 22274
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jonathanp219 View Post
Love and sex does not always go hand and hand. Any man or woman can have sex with someone they don't give two ****s about and still enjoy it. Humans need for sex has been around much longer than emotional attachment. At the end of the day urges will prevail over your attachment with any said person. People shouldnt question anyone's love for a specific person just because they want something different. It's like saying I can't eat pizza because my favorite food is chicken.
Then ignore everything we say and do what you want. I'm not sure why you posted in the first place if you are just going to tell everyone that doesn't agree with you that they are wrong and you are right. Only time will tell what the future will bring.

Oh - and at the end of the day, not everyone lets their urges prevail over their attachment to their partner. And not everyone has those urges when they are with the right person to begin with. I know it's hard to understand things that you've never experienced - and that's okay. That's what life and experience are for.
 
Old 07-27-2013, 01:33 PM
 
12,535 posts, read 15,148,569 times
Reputation: 29087
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jonathanp219 View Post
Me and my girlfriend have been in a relationship for almost 3 years now. We're very much in love with one another. She's my best friend, my lover, my everything. However, there's one problem here, and that is we're also eachothers first. She's the first girl I've ever had sex with and I'm the first guy she has ever had sex with. We both talk about moving in with eachother one day. We never talk about marriage, quite frankly, we just don't believe in marriage because there are too many risks involved. We don't only see marriage absent for OUR future, but also, for BOTH our futures (we just don't really believe in it *shrugs*).
Anyway, we both want to settle down with one another some day. However, we're both scared of settling (now). We both want to "get it out our system" before we decide to make that decision. Since we both haven't had other sexual partners we believe it would be a disaster to settle for eachother before playing the field.
We really don't want to break up, we're a team, she supports me, and I support her. We've faced issues in the past, mostly on my part, but I'm completely over that phase.
Does anyone know how I feel?
Can anyone help us?
What do you think we (me and my girl) should do about these feelings?

BTW I'm 23 and she's 20

If it ain't broke, don't fix it.

However, if not experiencing sex and dating with other partners is becoming an issue, then it might well be broke(n).

Whatever you two decide, just make sure you're both on the same page, and consider what others may tell you about the potential pitfalls of open relationships. I'm going to sound like an old fart here, but you're both so very young. One's 20s are often a time of tremendous growth and change, as well as self-discovery. I think you're smart to realize this, but "playing the field" for the sake of "getting it out of your system," may sound better on paper than it actually is, and both of you run the risk of getting hurt by it.
 
Old 07-27-2013, 01:58 PM
 
Location: New York
757 posts, read 1,098,868 times
Reputation: 330
[quote=Dewdrop93;30689353]Then ignore everything we say and do what you want. I'm not sure why you posted in the first place if you are just going to tell everyone that doesn't agree with you that they are wrong and you are right. Only time will tell what the future will bring.

Oh - and at the end of the day, not everyone lets their urges prevail over their attachment to their partner. And not everyone has those urges when they are with the right person to begin with. I know it's hard to understand things that you've never experienced - and that's okay. That's what life and experience are for.[/QUOTE

It's very difficult for me to cope with some of these answers. Especially because I've felt alone for majority of my life.See I've always had family, and I've always had friends, but rarely was I friends with anyone who saw life from my side of the spectrum. Where I'm from, I'm a very rare type of male. All my friends had sex for the first time before they turned 14, they had girlfriends before 12. But then here am my first REAL relationship at 21, and sex for the first time at 21. I would of had sex in high school but I couldn't because I use to be depressed, I had anxiety, and I was a misogynist because of all the pain females put me through in grade school. So I'm sorry that I take people's answers with an excruciating small grain of salt.

You're right, some people don't let their urges rule them, but Maybe that's because of the opportunities that are presented to them--which are probably none--.

Answer these question for me:

If a different handsome man came to you each day and desired you, do you think eventually, you will cave in?

What about if it was women doing it to your husband, do you think he would cave in?
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