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Old 07-30-2013, 02:18 PM
 
8 posts, read 4,710 times
Reputation: 15

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I just dumped my bf yesterday but I still feel depressed and actually feel killed in the inside. I never thought my bf of 2 years had the bones to cheat but at the same time I feel so stupid. I knew he has still friends with his first (Tanya is her name) but I trusted him. He told me that there was nothing between them anymore and it was over long ago. However, he wasn't friends with his other exes but only with Tanya.

Time goes by and that woman still contacts sometimes him through his cellphone, via messenger or email and vice-versa. Not only that but she would show up on many of our social gatherings or family reunions. I started getting jealous and furious at the point but when I would tell him my view on this, he would get upset and keep reassuring me that they're only friends.

Fastforward for, he's being acting very strange this whole month. I get curious and accidentally checked on his cellphone and you know what? I find a message of Tanya telling her how it was great but he replies ''I know but this can't happen again, you know we were drunk so let's just be friends''.

I'm steaming at this point and confronted him immediately with this and he kept denying until I read those message. That's when he admits to only having sex that night with her but regrets it. He promises to take her out of her contact but I'm not convinced. On top of that, I'm guessing I'll always be in 2nd place. Tanya is the girl he shared his first kiss and everything with (he was then 20, now he's 28). This really killed me. Out of his many exes to drunkenly cheat on, why with her?
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Old 07-30-2013, 02:24 PM
 
19,417 posts, read 11,586,029 times
Reputation: 29933
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rebounded View Post
I just dumped my bf yesterday but I still feel depressed and actually feel killed in the inside. I never thought my bf of 2 years had the bones to cheat but at the same time I feel so stupid. I knew he has still friends with his first (Tanya is her name) but I trusted him. He told me that there was nothing between them anymore and it was over long ago. However, he wasn't friends with his other exes but only with Tanya.

Time goes by and that woman still contacts sometimes him through his cellphone, via messenger or email and vice-versa. Not only that but she would show up on many of our social gatherings or family reunions. I started getting jealous and furious at the point but when I would tell him my view on this, he would get upset and keep reassuring me that they're only friends.

Fastforward for, he's being acting very strange this whole month. I get curious and accidentally checked on his cellphone and you know what? I find a message of Tanya telling her how it was great but he replies ''I know but this can't happen again, you know we were drunk so let's just be friends''.

I'm steaming at this point and confronted him immediately with this and he kept denying until I read those message. That's when he admits to only having sex that night with her but regrets it. He promises to take her out of her contact but I'm not convinced. On top of that, I'm guessing I'll always be in 2nd place. Tanya is the girl he shared his first kiss and everything with. This is really killing me. Out of his many exes to drunkenly cheat on, why with her?
What a crock you do not "accidentally" check on someone else's cell phone that is NONE of your business no matter how you try to justify that it is your business.

Do you live together? Are you engaged? Are you "just dating" for two years?
You are the one who has issues with jealousy and you should have taken him at his word when he said they were just friends.
Do you think maybe he already felt you did not trust him so went ahead and jumped into sex with her just to prove you right? Your actions have proven that you did not trust him and won't ever trust him. Move on and find someone you will trust and won't have to "accidentally" check their cell phone.
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Old 07-30-2013, 02:26 PM
 
15,093 posts, read 8,479,859 times
Reputation: 11917
Wow! That's terrible!

First things first...you didn't "accidentally" check on his cell phone, you snooped.

With that said, here's my opinion...you are not married to him, you have no kids with him and you've only been with him 2yrs. Do you really want this man by your side...can you picture getting married, having kids, worrying about whether he'll do this again? I couldn't do that. I'd cut my losses now and move on.
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Old 07-30-2013, 02:27 PM
 
8 posts, read 4,710 times
Reputation: 15
Quote:
Originally Posted by CSD610 View Post
What a crock you do not "accidentally" check on someone else's cell phone that is NONE of your business no matter how you try to justify that it is your business.
Excuse me but that's the only time I've ever check on a man's cell phone and it's because my gut instinct was telling me that something was wrong. In addition, he kept getting very weird this whole time and would suddenly create arguments for no reasons. And guess what, he did cheated. What does that tells you then??

We've been dating for 2 years.
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Old 07-30-2013, 02:29 PM
 
4,231 posts, read 2,842,985 times
Reputation: 5132
It's been a day. You'll get over it and hopefully chose wiser next time.
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Old 07-30-2013, 02:30 PM
 
8 posts, read 4,710 times
Reputation: 15
Quote:
Originally Posted by *Sixy* View Post
Wow! That's terrible!

First things first...you didn't "accidentally" check on his cell phone, you snooped.
So I'm wrong to have accidentally discovered his cheating, which he would have never told me?? I just knew something was wrong and I was right.

I did mentioned that I've dumped him yesterday. No, I don't want him back. I just feel like I've been used the whole time, as if I was just a rebound.
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Old 07-30-2013, 02:31 PM
 
221 posts, read 116,218 times
Reputation: 151
I feel bad for you (I used to be the cheater - at a serial level) and I hope you can find a way to get over it and find happiness and trust with someone else, but I do see a couple of red flags. It *could be argued* that you had a part to play in this. Always accusing him and being jealous - over time you can create your own reality. Kind of like telling someone their stupid every day until one day they believe theyre stupid, and then you say "A-HA! I told you!". You should probably reflect on this and what part you played. You might have driven him into it (he's still responsible for his own actions mind you) so that your long-term fears could be self-fulfilled, making you "right" all along.

And don't peep through people's phones. Once you cross that line, you have other problems.
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Old 07-30-2013, 02:36 PM
 
8 posts, read 4,710 times
Reputation: 15
Quote:
Originally Posted by DazedandAmused View Post
I feel bad for you (I used to be the cheater - at a serial level) and I hope you can find a way to get over it and find happiness and trust with someone else, but I do see a couple of red flags. It *could be argued* that you had a part to play in this. Always accusing him and being jealous - over time you can create your own reality. Kind of like telling someone their stupid every day until one day they believe theyre stupid, and then you say "A-HA! I told you!". You should probably reflect on this and what part you played. You might have driven him into it (he's still responsible for his own actions mind you) so that your long-term fears could be self-fulfilled, making you "right" all along.

And don't peep through people's phones. Once you cross that line, you have other problems.
Imagine if your SO's ex frequently keeps showing up in the picture, they keep talking for a long time in the social gatherings while ignoring you, the ex even calls at night and even after you tell them how it makes you feel uncomfortable, he/she reacts and accuses you of making big deal out of things and how they're just friends. Tell me if this wouldn't make you feel as if you were second best.
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Old 07-30-2013, 02:36 PM
 
15,093 posts, read 8,479,859 times
Reputation: 11917
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rebounded View Post
So I'm wrong to have accidentally discovered his cheating, which he would have never told me?? I just knew something was wrong and I was right.
You really have to ask?

YES...your actions were wrong.
Two wrongs don't make a right.
It doesn't diminish the fact that he cheated but what you did wasn't innocent either. You don't "accidentally" look at someone's phone. Call it what it is and own your behavior.
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Old 07-30-2013, 02:37 PM
 
221 posts, read 116,218 times
Reputation: 151
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rebounded View Post
Imagine if your SO's ex frequently keeps showing up in the picture, they keep talking for a long time in the social gatherings while ignoring you, the ex even calls at night and even after you tell them how it makes you feel uncomfortable, he/she reacts and accuses you of making big deal out of things and how they're just friends. Tell me if this wouldn't make you feel as if you were second best.

Yeah, it probably would.
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