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I know women can have both, and it's a very black and white sort of question.
But I was just curious for the women who are in a later stage in your life and have gone through several relationships and jobs...do you regret not spending more time and effort and energy on finding partners/nurturing partnerships OR not furthering your education and nurturing a career/your own business? Yes I know a business or career won't keep you warm at night when you're alone in your bed, but like Gaga said your career will also never wake up and tell you it doesn't love you anymore.
I don't regret anything... it's a waste of time to regret because you can't change the past and it just makes you miserable. I put more effort into my marriage (and by default since my Ex's job involved us moving a lot, I job jumped and was never able to really move up). But even though I am now divorced, I don't see that as a waste. I moved around, but I made friends all over the world, had interesting experiences, and learned a lot about life.
I might be an odd duck because my life doesn't revolve around one person nor does it revolve around my career. It revolves around my family, friends, and to a certain extent my hobbies and interests. It did revolve around my Ex until he left me... but I adapted and changed. I do have a dream of starting my own charity--but that's a ways off. I mean I literally just started mulling that over this summer. I am trying to figure out a need and something I love and how to mix the two to create something.
I'm an emergency medicine physician and am in a stable relationship with my boyfriend (although I'm not married yet).
Honestly, I'm not sure if I had placed a priority in looking for a boyfriend in my life, things would have turned out differently.
This has been my dream career since I was a little girl. I don't think I ever allowed my desire to be a physician interfere with my ability to be in a romantic relationship. Although, I do remember all of those crazy nights in college where instead of partying with my friends, I chose to camp out in the library and study organic chemistry....Part of me thinks it wasn't b/c of this desire to study...but more so of my personality (I was terribly shy and introverted, even throughout college). Sigh.. Even in hindsight, however, I don't know that my romantic life would have turned out any different...
I've had six major jobs and a handful of minor ones in my career, and all served to prepare me for being a sole proprietor now. I had always hoped to do this, so no, I don't regret anything there.
As for relationships, I've had six major ones and a handful of minor ones there, too, all of which helped me grow and change into the partner I am today, so no regrets there, either.
Oddly enough, my relationship and sole proprietorship work pretty well together. He works an ever-changing schedule, and his weekends are not always the traditional Saturday-Sunday. To a certain extent, I can be flexible with planning my work and days off to accommodate that.
Everything that has gone before has led you to where you are today. If you learn from your mistakes, don't beat yourself up over them, and forgive others for theirs, you're a success, regardless of how much money you make or your marital status, because you'll be able to roll with whatever life tosses at you and maintain your inner peace and equilibrium through it all.
I have put a lot of time an energy into furthering my education and advancing careers. I've also had some great relationships in between. I don't really think I regret not putting enough energy into either.
I put all my energy into me. Sometimes it means love, sometimes career/education, sometimes both and sometimes neither.
I know what I should say. But honestly? Yes, I do have regrets. After my divorce at 32, with a five year old son, I put everything I had into working and supporting my child -- providing for my son because I knew my soon to be ex would not be helping. However, as the years went by, I put a LOT into my career, which kept expanding and I kept getting paid more money, but now my grown son remembers a mother -- a good mother, he says, a loving, fun mother, he says -- but he remembers me as a workaholic.
Additionally, I avoided real viable relationships by getting caught up in the younger-man thing. At the time, I felt it was only because I looked very young and thus, young guys were the ones who approached me. But I realize now that having young lovers was a way to keep real relationships at arms' length. When things got too serious, I could say "but you need to find someone who can give you children", or, if they left me, I could say "it's because they needed someone who could create a family with them" and thus, I guess I thought, I could avoid any risk of being hurt. Again.
Now, as I approach my "golden years", I wish I had not "wasted the pretty" as the authors of "He's Just Not That Into You" say...I wish I had trusted myself enough to be open to a real adult relationship with someone I could have grown older with. Now I find myself very suspicious of men, and really don't want to deal with that aspect of life, although I know that a loving relationship is a very healthy thing.
I am not lonely, nor do I long for a man, but in total honesty this is my answer to the OP's question.
I know women can have both, and it's a very black and white sort of question.
But I was just curious for the women who are in a later stage in your life and have gone through several relationships and jobs...do you regret not spending more time and effort and energy on finding partners/nurturing partnerships OR not furthering your education and nurturing a career/your own business? Yes I know a business or career won't keep you warm at night when you're alone in your bed, but like Gaga said your career will also never wake up and tell you it doesn't love you anymore.
The only thing in life that I regret is that I was born to the father I had. I could have been so much more, achieved so much more in my lifetime if I had been raised in a better environment. It took me a very long time to understand and compensate for that but by then it was really too late. Of course, I had no control over whom I was born to, and when I was younger I did not have the resources to learn or know that I did not have to "settle" for the kind of life I had and could create a better one.
If I had done anything differently - I might not have ended up where I am today. And I love where I am today. I'd say that I probably put my relationships before my career - although my career was still important to me. At the end of the day, I'd rather be married to my husband and have the most wonderful little boy and another on the way than have 5 Tony awards but no family.
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