Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Our story is very similar. My bf hasn't worked for 5 years, his ex wife supported him.
Please emotionally distance yourself from this man he won't change. Been there tried that. Once you get back on your feet you will be so much better off.
Are you still with him? If so, what are your plans?
Bah. He is mooching off you because you have let him in the past.
I have always made more money than my two husbands (haha that didn't sound right did it?), more than my first husband and now more than my DH.
The first one seemed like a good worker but when he was laid off, he just collected UI until it was almost gone and then went out and looked for a job. That meant that year we couldn't go out to eat, we had to curb spending, etc., when he could have had another job, he just didn't want to.
I tried to blame it on depression too but he sure didn't mind going duck hunting or hanging out with his buddies all weekend.
When got laid off again (he was in construction), he did the same thing as before. Wouldn't even try to look for a job, just got UI until it ran out.
I left him and never looked back. I cannot respect a man who won't at least try to work when he is physically able to.
This with regard to finding time for other activities except the one that should take priority. He doesn't duck hunt but will spend an enormous amount of time on NCAA forums for play station and forums for microphone reviews. He is very diligent about sharing his input for the upcoming game as well as comparing play books and team logos (for the fake teams you create online).
Location: Central Bay Area, CA as of Jan 2010...but still a proud Texan from Houston!
7,484 posts, read 10,411,177 times
Reputation: 8955
Quote:
Originally Posted by scorpioqueen
For all of you who are attacking me and accusing me of thinking I am perfect, today is my off day, and I am sitting less than 5 ft from him and he is watching a movie and getting his plays together for NCAA football for playstation. I do not see a depressed man, I see someone who is/was comfortable allowing my parents to help out with bills and will only show interest in jobs that I apply to for him. I have decided this time around that I am not doing it. When I did apply for him and they would call he would schedule and interview but when the day came he would hit snooze on the alarm and turn over.
Run for your life from this parasite. Don't even think twice about helping him to make it. You have been there and done that many times...it's not working.
Send him back to his mother, father or any friend or family member who would accept him in.
And NEVER look back...life is much better than this...make it so
Are you still with him? If so, what are your plans?
As of this today we are still together, there's no future and as soon as I can its over. I'm afraid even if he woke up all if a sudden, got a job, stopped his behavior (hes very aggressive and hateful towards society). I can't change my feelings. I have so much resentment towards him it's unbelievable.
There's only so much a person can tolerate before they stop concerning themselves with helping someone else.
Nobody's perfect and I know I irritate him as much as he does me.
I'll address the depression issue. Yes, it may be possible that depression is an issue here. Maybe it isn't. Believe me, I've been in a similar situation. And when someone raises the "depression" issue, not only is it frustrating that he won't get it together, but then there's the guilt factor of kicking someone when he's down. The kicker is that I have had clinical depression and anxiety for the last 20+ years. I can tell you that, while it's hard, it's treatable, and many, many people deal with it AND have productive lives. I manage to do it. And when I was in this situation (the man being content not to to work or pull his weight), I can tell you, it does a number on YOUR mental health.
It's great if someone is fun and nice and makes you laugh, but it's also important that he care enough for you not to take advantage of you. And taking advantage of you, he is. It really sucks when you realize that the person who you thought was "the one" really isn't. You deserve better, though.
Scorpioqueen: have you and your SO explored your SO at least trying to apply for things like lower-paying or minimum-wage paying jobs, just until he can get back on his feet financially and everything I mean?? For example, to have him apply to work at somewhere like a grocery store, a supermarket, or a Wal-Mart or fast-food chain? And maybe even multiple jobs of this nature? It might give him much less of an excuse, to just wait and wait and wait, until he can find a new job at his true professional earning potential...anyway, just a possible thought...
ETA: If I myself were personally in your SO's situation, I know that I would do whatever it took, including working multiple minimum wage jobs if I was forced to, to provide for a hypothetical family of my own, and the one that I loved. I am so sorry you are having to go through this horrible ordeal atm, with your SO, and that he is being so resistant and uncooperative, in fixing this issue in the way that he should be proactively doing
Last edited by Phoenix2017; 08-07-2013 at 08:59 PM..
Reason: Adds
Scorpioqueen: have you and your SO explored your SO at least trying to apply for things like lower-paying or minimum-wage paying jobs, just until he can get back on his feet financially and everything I mean?? For example, to have him apply to work at somewhere like a grocery store, a supermarket, or a Wal-Mart or fast-food chain? And maybe even multiple jobs of this nature? It might give him much less of an excuse, to just wait and wait and wait, until he can find a new job at his true professional earning potential...anyway, just a possible thought...
ETA: If I myself were personally in your SO's situation, I know that I would do whatever it took, including working multiple minimum wage jobs if I was forced to, to provide for a hypothetical family of my own, and the one that I loved. I am so sorry you are having to go through this horrible ordeal atm, with your SO, and that he is being so resistant and uncooperative, in fixing this issue in the way that he should be proactively doing
He is only applying selectively to jobs, when you suggest fast food places he just stares and won't do it, his background is in warehouse and there are a ton of those, he will only apply to maybe 2 jobs every other week or maybe longer. I have suggested all kinds of things, he only wants to do what he wants to do. I suggested and applied to jobs out of state, all he did was say oh that place looks nice, never did he help me do any research, had I gotten a job in xyz state he would have just tagged along.
Location: Central Bay Area, CA as of Jan 2010...but still a proud Texan from Houston!
7,484 posts, read 10,411,177 times
Reputation: 8955
Well I personally would not be attracted to anyone with his traits.
That said I hope you don't wait until the 7 year itch hits you to drop him like a hot potato.
A person at his age with his lack of motivation is not going to just up and change his ways...I think you have helped towards enabling his true self to shine through.
Sounds like you would be better matched with a go getter type of guy. Not a man in his 40's who is an unmotivated parasite. How is this attractive to you?
Well I personally would not be attracted to anyone with his traits.
That said I hope you don't wait until the 7 year itch hits you to drop him like a hot potato.
A person at his age with his lack of motivation is not going to just up and change his ways...I think you have helped towards enabling his true self to shine through.
Sounds like you would be better matched with a go getter type of guy. Not a man in his 40's who is an unmotivated parasite. How is this attractive to you?
It is not attractive to me, I didn't realize these traits until the dopamine faded, I just have gotten too deep into the relationship and invested time and emotions. I am in love with this guy I just hate that about him. This is why I have decided to leave and not look back.
I came home today there are dishes piled up, several dirty pots, the stove is nasty, clothes have not been washed, etc. I didn't say anything, I work outdoors for long hours (mail carrier), I come home with achy feet and stressed out from the job, I can't wait to get through these 90 days.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.