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I wouldn't stay with a man that is being non-commital nor waste even 1 minute of my time trying to change him. However, there are some men that trick the woman and aren't clear about their intentions.
More than likely, once the woman moves in with her bf believing that's one step towards engagement (when it's not), she's already doing everything for free. The man is so happy that he gets what he wants without making a serious, deeper commitment that goes beyond just playing house, getting free sex and acting like a married couple.
That's why dating was invented. That's to get to know one another, find out if they're compatible in many important areas, if they turn you on sexually, etc.
In my view a relationship can only go 2 ways with a man: either I'm dating him as my bf or I'm moving in with him as my fiance with an exact date for the wedding.
This is easy to control though, just don't move in before you get married.
A man's willingness to commit does not exist in a vacuum, it's also a function of the woman the man is with. I've seen guys waffle on committing to their long time girlfriend and eventually break up, only to get married 8 months later to some new woman. When I'm with a woman I'm head over heels for I can't wait to take things more seriously. When I'm with a woman who I merely like but am not completely enamored with I'll give her the run around whenever she brings up the commitment question. OP, the problem isn't that the men you were with didn't want to commit, it's that they didn't want to commit to you.
OP, the problem isn't that the men you were with didn't want to commit, it's that they didn't want to commit to you.
That's the problem. They don't have the guts to dump the woman and instead wait for her to get bored and fed up with it.
I wouldn't mind if a guy told me in my face ''I don't see a future with you because you're not my type, I'm not interested''. I'll give him credits for saving me more worthless minutes of my time.
That's the problem. They don't have the guts to dump the woman and instead wait for her to get bored and fed up with it.
I wouldn't mind if a guy told me in my face ''I don't see a future with you because you're not my type, I'm not interested''. I'll give him credits for saving me more worthless minutes of my time.
The reason why you are being challenged is because you are making it seem as if you have no responsibility, as if you cant act upon your own free will. This notion that he waits for you to get bored and fed up is the problem of the female.
If one can reasonably sense that there is no future, why even remain? It's just like a person waiting until they are totally overweight before attempting to do something about it. At the end it's all about taking ownership and acting swiftly without playing the blame game as I believe you are doing.
If in a matter of a few dates If I don't sense the person is the type that will be worth investing valuable effort, I move on or I back off. After a while of dealing with folks, you get the hang of it...
You can't expect the man to initiate, pursue, catch, then release. That is madness as they say.... Its 2013, you wanted equality. You women fought so bad for it... So guess what? Be as equal as that you always wanted to be and take charge of the matter.
One would have to then wonder, what are you even bringing to the table? What contributions are you making? What pile of the log do you burn with?
If you as a lady can't decide then take action, why would I as a man want to even get involved? It would seem as if I would be doing all the work...
Last edited by halfamazing; 08-06-2013 at 08:57 PM..
Of course, women and men, have the responsibility to make decisions for themselves. I think the ultimate point should be made is that some guys future fake for very sinister reasons. Hell, I had a guy lie about his intentions just to take my virginity. When I caught on to his intentions of course I decided to walk, but if I was very naive or not very intuitive it would've been difficult to catch on to such a devious person. Sadly, some guys and gals do not have good intentions when dating regardless of the potential effects it may have on another human being. I think OP may be referring to these types of men.
You can't expect the man to initiate, pursue, catch, then release. That is madness as they say.... Its 2013, you wanted equality. You women fought so bad for it... So guess what? Be as equal as that you always wanted to be and take charge of the matter.
What does this have to do with not wanting to be a live-in gf and refusing to follow his picked-up lines. I'm just being careful and honestly, I've only been in 1 relationship. It's been a long while since I'm single. I'm just curious about what would be the obvious signs, that way I won't even have to waste minutes on his speech. Apart from that, I wanted to find out why some men do that. What are they thinking when they purposely string along their gf by faking future?
In addition, just because it's 2013 doesn't mean everyone has that liberal ''I'll do whatever I want to; I'll have casual sex'' mentality.
Quote:
Originally Posted by halfamazing
If you as a lady can't decide then take action, why would I as a man want to even get involved? It would seem as if I would be doing all the work...
What makes you think I'm going to continue being with a man for 4+ and never have a discussion about where it's leading earlier on? I will obviously dump him (I'm not a very tolerant person and have no problems sending someone to hell) if I sense he's playing dumb but the point is I would hate to even spend 1 week of time wasted. It would still suck.
Of course, women and men, have the responsibility to make decisions for themselves. I think the ultimate point should be made is that some guys future fake for very sinister reasons. Hell, I had a guy lie about his intentions just to take my virginity. When I caught on to his intentions of course I decided to walk, but if I was very naive or not very intuitive it would've been difficult to catch on to such a devious person. Sadly, some guys and gals do not have good intentions when dating regardless of the potential effects it may have on another human being. I think OP may be referring to these types of men.
Yes, they are what makes people lose hope in even finding meaningful relationships. I don't let just any man be my number 2 nor will I answer his ''So how many have you been with'' question. That's a sign of a sleeze, definitely not worth even friendship material, let alone datable.
Men and women can not be friends. Men know this and so do honest women.
As a guy I can tell you that any man that is willing to be stuffed in the friend zone actually likes you. A guy won't pretend to be friends with a girl for long periods of time just to get some. A lot of women think that men and women can actually be just friends (Impossible), but most women know that their guy friends like them, yet they still string them along so they have someone to inflate their ego, or have a shoulder to cry on when the guys that they actually like screw them over. It's a vicious cycle with the alphas at the top of the food chain, and the betas at the bottom
I am a man and I disagree. I have friends that are girls, who I have no interest in.
But just because you could date if the opportunity is right, doesn't mean you can't be friends. For instance if you have a girlfriend and she has a boyfriend, then you can still remain friends.
And sometimes it goes the other way too. I had a friend who was interested in me, but I friend zoned her cause she showed few signs of interests. That friendship broke down when she asked me while I was dating another girl.
I'm just curious about what would be the obvious signs, that way I won't even have to waste minutes on his speech.
If you truly want to spot a faker, then bring up the topic without asking him about doing it. Just ask him what his opinions are on "no sex before marriage". Ask him about his previous relationships, and how long he normally waits till having sex. If you can get to know his history, then you should have an idea of what kind of person he is.
You should also be perfectly willing to discuss your own history, and thats where I see a problem when you get really annoyed when someone is interested in how many partners you have had. It is important for a potential date to figure out what kind of person you are. And its important for you to figure out what kind of person they are.
You should also try to start dating different people. Maybe you have some friends who like you, but you always considered them friends. Players will often lie to sleep with as many women as possible. More genuine guys won't.
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