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My fiance and I are in our 40's and have been living together for four years in my house with my two children from a previous marriage, he has never been married and has no children. He also owns two houses that he collects rent from. The first year that he lived here he didn't pay anything (we split food shopping) and wasn't working steady since he needed some down time and had enough money saved to do so (with rental income and no house or utility bills, since I was paying them). He then got a job that pays really well about 3x more than me and that is me including my child support with that. I felt he should chip in financially, not fair that I pay all the bills. So he took the cable bill, half of electric bill and about 70% of the food shopping cost. I pay mortgage, anything that breaks, oil, water, everything else. During this period he has had the opportunity to save a couple hundred thousand dollars, while I am waiting for a child support check to clear so I can hopefully pay the mortgage on time. I am also dishing out thousands to pay a lawyer to finalize the divorce which was prolonged for medical insurance reasons (which of course is my issue, just trying to give an idea of bills) I rarely buy anything for myself and buy only necessary clothes for kids and some extras, I have never owned a new car. They do not have smart phones or tablets, they saved birthday money to buy their own laptops, I do give them spending money for ice cream and to go to movies and such. I have never been materialistic and would never be with someone for what they can buy me. We split when we go out to eat. We split if we go away. I do the majority of the cleaning and yard maintenance, he has repaired things in the past, but I pay for the items, he does dishes, garbage etc. My house is in need of more repairs that I don't have the money for (roof , plumbing, but can still wait), but it is well kept and clean. We can not agree what would be a fair amount for him to contribute. He feels that since they are not his kids and this is my house, that the amount he gives now is too much, I feel it is not enough. I suggested we live in one of his houses and I rent my house out and profit for awhile, but that is out of the question, cause his houses are a "business". It doesn't cost him anything to live at his parents and feels I am the one benefiting by him living here and contributing to any of the bills. I really need some feedback or advice from an outsider, am I being greedy by wanting him to financially chip in more or should he be paying more of a percent? Thanks for reading if you made it all the way through any suggestions are appreciated.
Wow, he has a great deal going on and has since day one.
HALF of ALL COSTS or he can go live in his own place.
As far as expenses, 1/4 of electricity, water, cable, food, etc, seems fair. Not really fair charging him half if you bring 3/4 of the people into the household. I would also charge him rent, but be realistic. Sounds like he doesn't have his own room (shares yours) and has to share all the rooms with you and the kids. So that should be less than a 1-bedroom or even a rented room in your area, since it sounds like he doesn't have an exclusive room for him.
I see both sides of this. On the one hand, it's not as if your expenses would go down if he moved out. You'd still pay the same bills. But you'd like help. He could go back to living with his parents, or would have to pay to live on his own. He's hoping to get a break too. Really, you're both hoping that living together could ease the load on yourself financially. On the other hand, any two people who are entering into a partnership want to feel the partner cares about them and wants to share their life. Doesn't sound like much of that going on here from either of you. I guess I would reconsider why you two are even together.
My fiance and I are in our 40's and have been living together for four years in my house with my two children from a previous marriage, he has never been married and has no children. He also owns two houses that he collects rent from. The first year that he lived here he didn't pay anything (we split food shopping) and wasn't working steady since he needed some down time and had enough money saved to do so (with rental income and no house or utility bills, since I was paying them). He then got a job that pays really well about 3x more than me and that is me including my child support with that. I felt he should chip in financially, not fair that I pay all the bills. So he took the cable bill, half of electric bill and about 70% of the food shopping cost. I pay mortgage, anything that breaks, oil, water, everything else. During this period he has had the opportunity to save a couple hundred thousand dollars, while I am waiting for a child support check to clear so I can hopefully pay the mortgage on time. I am also dishing out thousands to pay a lawyer to finalize the divorce which was prolonged for medical insurance reasons (which of course is my issue, just trying to give an idea of bills) I rarely buy anything for myself and buy only necessary clothes for kids and some extras, I have never owned a new car. They do not have smart phones or tablets, they saved birthday money to buy their own laptops, I do give them spending money for ice cream and to go to movies and such. I have never been materialistic and would never be with someone for what they can buy me. We split when we go out to eat. We split if we go away. I do the majority of the cleaning and yard maintenance, he has repaired things in the past, but I pay for the items, he does dishes, garbage etc. My house is in need of more repairs that I don't have the money for (roof , plumbing, but can still wait), but it is well kept and clean. We can not agree what would be a fair amount for him to contribute. He feels that since they are not his kids and this is my house, that the amount he gives now is too much, I feel it is not enough. I suggested we live in one of his houses and I rent my house out and profit for awhile, but that is out of the question, cause his houses are a "business". It doesn't cost him anything to live at his parents and feels I am the one benefiting by him living here and contributing to any of the bills. I really need some feedback or advice from an outsider, am I being greedy by wanting him to financially chip in more or should he be paying more of a percent? Thanks for reading if you made it all the way through any suggestions are appreciated.
You're not even divorced, yet he's been living with you for 4 years and you're both "engaged."
So if you're not divorced, that means if he pays rent towards the house, he would actually be paying rent to you and your husband. Nice. Not.
Sorry but the whole thing sounds completely dysfunctional and very Jerry Springer like. As a guy, I'm shocked any other guy would even put himself into that kind of situation. Every guy I know, including myself, cringes at the notion of getting involved with woman who is in marriage/divorce limbo like that.
I recommend that the guy moves out and goes and lives with his parents (or elsewhere). If and when you ever get around to having your divorce finalized, then check back in with him to see if he still wants to continue with the "engagement," and perhaps then let him decide if he wants to move back in.
And if that occurs, then you can rightfully ask for half the total costs. In the meantime, the whole scenario sounds very sketchy.
You can't blame him for not wanting to contribute to repairs if you're not married. If your genders were reversed, the issues would be much clearer. There's no way he will recoup his investment if things fall through.
Personally, I think both of you are using each other. You are living beyond your means. It is your husband's responsibility to provide timely support for his children. Whether you have a housemate or not, does not come into play.
I am amazed at he peeps here still advocating splitting bills and empathizing with the guy.
I mean, it's a messy situation, but what is she really "owed" from this? They aren't married, so anything he pays goes towards paying off her house. He gets nothing out of it. I think paying something is fair, but if there are 4 people living in the house, and she is responsible for 3 of them... I don't know that it's fair he pay more than 1/4th of anything.
Sounds like the crux of the issue is that the OP is angry he's better off financially than she is. He has enough of a cushion to put money away because of assets he had before the marriage. She's barely making it. She's looking at it like she should be benefiting from the fact they're dating and shacking up, and he's looking at it like a situation that could end at any time and he doesn't want to pour a lot of money into her family, knowing he won't get it back.
Honestly, if they want to be partners and share everything, they should get married and do so. If they don't, she should decide what she thinks is fair, ask for it, and if he doesn't think it's fair, he can move back in with his parents (free for him) and she can assume 100% of the expenses (which are not going to go down much if at all, and she will then have no help with.)
I mean, it's a messy situation, but what is she really "owed" from this? They aren't married, so anything he pays goes towards paying off her house. He gets nothing out of it. I think paying something is fair, but if there are 4 people living in the house, and she is responsible for 3 of them... I don't know that it's fair he pay more than 1/4th of anything.
Sounds like the crux of the issue is that the OP is angry he's better off financially than she is. He has enough of a cushion to put money away because of assets he had before the marriage. She's barely making it. She's looking at it like she should be benefiting from the fact they're dating and shacking up, and he's looking at it like a situation that could end at any time and he doesn't want to pour a lot of money into her family, knowing he won't get it back.
Honestly, if they want to be partners and share everything, they should get married and do so. If they don't, she should decide what she thinks is fair, ask for it, and if he doesn't think it's fair, he can move back in with his parents (free for him) and she can assume 100% of the expenses (which are not going to go down much if at all, and she will then have no help with.)
Totally agree. Why can't people just do a little math and strip out all of the "relationship" crap?
I mean, it's a messy situation, but what is she really "owed" from this? They aren't married, so anything he pays goes towards paying off her house. He gets nothing out of it. I think paying something is fair, but if there are 4 people living in the house, and she is responsible for 3 of them... I don't know that it's fair he pay more than 1/4th of anything.
Sounds like the crux of the issue is that the OP is angry he's better off financially than she is. He has enough of a cushion to put money away because of assets he had before the marriage. She's barely making it. She's looking at it like she should be benefiting from the fact they're dating and shacking up, and he's looking at it like a situation that could end at any time and he doesn't want to pour a lot of money into her family, knowing he won't get it back.
Honestly, if they want to be partners and share everything, they should get married and do so. If they don't, she should decide what she thinks is fair, ask for it, and if he doesn't think it's fair, he can move back in with his parents (free for him) and she can assume 100% of the expenses (which are not going to go down much if at all, and she will then have no help with.)
I totally agree with your way of viewing the situation. It isn't up to him to reduce her monthly overhead which is exactly what the OP is looking for him to do.
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