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Well every date I have ever been on , the man got highly offended when I reached for the check . One guy went so far as to scrunch his face at me and look at me like I had a 3rd head LOL...apparently some guys get offended at that . Oh the one asked me 'what the hell are you doing ?" then he proceeds to tell me that he can afford to pick up the check at dinner .Needless to say they never called back or made a 2nd date . So you see some of what the OP is saying is a two way street . Thank God I dont date anymore Im married now but still the OP might want to rethink this . I mean he made the invite so it was his responsibility to pick up the check.
I have a male friend who's that way. We aren't dating (although we go out as friends a lot and he's a wonderful man. I fell for him for a while, until I figured out he didn't see me "that" way). Anyway that's all beside the point, I always offer to pay and he always turns me down. A few months ago I thought I would be cleaver and talked to the waitress... had her bring me the bill on the sly and I paid. I kid you not he gave me that "third head" look and I think was actually hurt/offended maybe even a little mad at me. I've never attempted that again with him.
I was having dinner with a male friend of mine and he was discussing some recent dates he had gone on with several women. He stated that he wrote them off after the check came at the end of dinner and they did not reach or offer to help pay. He said that he has no problem paying for the first date, but a deal breaker of him is a woman who does not even make a gesture towards assisting.
Now, I know this man extremely well. He is the type that wants a women who is very feminine, doesn't curse, rarely drinks, wants to get married/have kids (traditional gender roles-stay at home mother) the whole deal. So I got into a debate with him claiming that the girl who offers to pay on a first date likely wont possess a majority of the other qualities he is looking for.
Does this woman exist? Super feminine, marriage and children minded (traditional gender roles) who also would offer to pay on a first date-forego the traditional first date scenario?
Why is your friend taking women to dinner as a first date? That's completely unnecessary. Or does he do this deliberately, to test the women? If he's taking them to dinner with a hidden agenda like that, he doesn't sound like the kind of person most women would want to be with.
I was having dinner with a male friend of mine and he was discussing some recent dates he had gone on with several women. He stated that he wrote them off after the check came at the end of dinner and they did not reach or offer to help pay. He said that he has no problem paying for the first date, but a deal breaker of him is a woman who does not even make a gesture towards assisting.
Now, I know this man extremely well. He is the type that wants a women who is very feminine, doesn't curse, rarely drinks, wants to get married/have kids (traditional gender roles-stay at home mother) the whole deal. So I got into a debate with him claiming that the girl who offers to pay on a first date likely wont possess a majority of the other qualities he is looking for.
Does this woman exist? Super feminine, marriage and children minded (traditional gender roles) who also would offer to pay on a first date-forego the traditional first date scenario?
I agree with you completely. I think there are many men like this, they claim they want a feminine woman, but then they blow off the women who truly embrace the feminine role and don't initiate or pursue or don't offer to pay on first date. It doesn't seem like they realize the ones who DO offer to pay or pursue are likely to be more feminist-minded women, not the feminine traditional women they claim they want. I myself like the traditional role, and I would not have offered to help pay for a first date. My bf, who makes much less than me, was "the man" in our courtship and from the beginning took the traditional male role. Even now 3 years in, I offer to pay sometimes (the relationship itself is different from early courtship IMO) and sometimes he will let me, but really doesn't like to. It really isn't about money though, it's about the division between men and women. I like to be the more submissive, feminine one and he likes to be the more dominant and protective one, which works wonderfully for us.
If that is what your friend really wants, his "rule" is shooting him in the foot.
Yes, they exist. But IME at best, women offer to pay for their portion of dates 50% of the time.
It is HUGE to me if a woman offers to help pay the bill, especially if we meet online and it's a first meet up.
I learned the hard way that women who are not really interested in a guy will allow him to take her out, only for the sake of 'hanging out', and having a free meal. Now i'm all for meeting new people and even having the occasional dinner platonically with a woman, but if a woman is flat out not interested in a man, 'allowing' him to pay for the meal should not occur. If it is platonic, man or woman really should pay their own way. Or, at least alternate buying...
Lately, I have begun dating women that I would not have ever previously dated due to lack of physical chemistry. Nothing has changed. Lately, of the 3 dates I was on last few weeks, one out of three women offered to contribute to the initial meet up bar tab. One woman Didnt offer to contribute, or thank me for the ($7) drinks (until the next day in a text). If I meet her again, it will be totally separate checks for her. And it will only he platonic.
A guy can get taken advantage of if he allows it. I completely understand the OP's friends dealbreaker. You learn a lot about someone and their objective in a very quick few seconds. If they don't offer to contribute to the bill, more times than not, they are not taking the guy seriously. Or they feel entitled. Regardless, IME, when a woman offers to contribute, I will typically decline, but I give a HUGE . And IME, usually when a woman offers to contribute, she is at least classy, and usually very interested in me as a person. Usually, if someone isn't trying to take advantage of another person, they will at LEAST offer to contribute.
And honestly, any woman that argues that paying or contributing into the cost of a date, regardless of the situation is not a woman I am interested in. It IS 2013. Some women do pay for dates, as I have known/heard stories from friends. In my world, it is an extreme rare event, and typically occurs at least 4-5 dates in with one person.
See, I've experienced the opposite. I even had a guy break it off with me because I always paid my own way (and his as well) and he saw that as me being platonic and not wanting a romantic relationship with him.
So, I pay and I get told I'm not interested, if I let him pay I'm only looking for a free meal.
Either way I lose. This is one of the many reasons I'm not dating anymore.
I always offer to pay whether I'm on a date or out with friends. If someone insists on paying, I'll cover the tip and not sit there with an entitled halo and my tiara. If funds are low, I don't go out.
some men, like some women, act like idiots when they have some hard-line deal breaker rule to eliminate potential maters and the rule is no better than reading tea leaves or matching horoscopes. ppl are multidimensional and more complex than boiling down their "worthiness" of being a potential partner/mate based on some meaningless social/dating test.
younger women tend to be more guilty of this because they've learned they are at the hieght of their attractiveness and they are in the position of being the selector of potential suitors, so whimsicle, fickle, and superficial eliminations occur often, and often without reason.
As far as the guy OP mentions, the guy is a tool if he cant see beyond his date not immediately jumping to go dutch.
That is a different type of deal breaker that he has on the FIRST date. I am by no means a traditional woman. I earn my own paycheck, I curse like a sailor at times, I drink wine and zero interest in being a domestic goddess. IF he wants that type of woman he is going to need to think of a different deal breaker.
I am still on my dating break but have zero issue picking up my half of the check.
I was having dinner with a male friend of mine and he was discussing some recent dates he had gone on with several women. He stated that he wrote them off after the check came at the end of dinner and they did not reach or offer to help pay. He said that he has no problem paying for the first date, but a deal breaker of him is a woman who does not even make a gesture towards assisting.
Now, I know this man extremely well. He is the type that wants a women who is very feminine, doesn't curse, rarely drinks, wants to get married/have kids (traditional gender roles-stay at home mother) the whole deal. So I got into a debate with him claiming that the girl who offers to pay on a first date likely wont possess a majority of the other qualities he is looking for.
Does this woman exist? Super feminine, marriage and children minded (traditional gender roles) who also would offer to pay on a first date-forego the traditional first date scenario?
Yes, they do exist.
I never expected a date to pay for me and if they insisted I always paid the tip.
I do have a couple college degrees but I all wanted to do is be a mom, raising kids. Suzy home maker. That's how I was raised. However, I found out that SOME men see that as an "inferior" or "lower status" job and treat their wives accordingly.
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. And IME, usually when a woman offers to contribute, she is at least classy, and usually very interested in me as a person. Usually, if someone isn't trying to take advantage of another person, they will at LEAST offer to contribute. 
