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Is this true for all men who complain about sexless marriages? Or just the OP?
It doesn't really have anything to do with sex. The last guy I saw doing it was complaining endlessly that his wife wouldn't wear skirts. He was POed that she came home from work and took her business clothes off and changed, when he claimed she knew he wanted her to wear skirts. He did that for months before he announced he was getting a divorce because he couldn't stand it any more that his wife wouldn't wear skirts.
The complaining can be about anything.
Generally, though, men who are committed to making their marriage work do not go onto forums and discuss the most intimate private details about their wife and marriage. If the sex has problems and they hope to stay married, they work on the issue. They do not treat their wife with such disrespect and subject her to public ridicule.
If the wife has spending problems, and they want to stay married, they get financial counseling; they don't go onto forums and rave about how stupid and irresponsible their wife is, all the while refusing to consider good advice.
If the wife won't wash the car, they work on the issue or compromise, they don't go on line and complain that it is ruining their life, unless they are positioning themselves to get a divorce that is all the spouse's fault.
Women do it, too. It's not just men that do it: try to convince the world that they are the victim and have no choice about the divorce.
Yeah, I agree with you. The OP said her response to his coming on to her was to say it was "so late." I guess that doesn't necessarily sound like it couldn't be true. I mean, just because you're feeling in the mood at 8:00, it doesn't mean you are guaranteed to feel the same at 11:30 when it's been a long day, you're tired, maybe something from dinner made you bloated and gassy... and clearly they're having issues on a larger scale, but I'm not sure it's possible to give that much weight to any one evening.
Your post reminded me of a similar situation I had years ago when my ex-husband and I were still dating. We'd gone into the city, had tickets for the hockey game and got a hotel for the night. I remember buying a pretty negligee, we were really looking forward to the evening away. However, after the hockey game, we ended up going out until 2-3am. By the time we got back to the room I was exhausted, the mood had passed and been overridden by the desire for sleep. Apparently morning sex wasn't a good enough alternative because ex was ticked we didn't have it the night before so we didn't have it at all that weekend.
At 3am after being up for 18 hours, I'm not at my best or most enthusiastic, and just because men are ready for it pretty much anytime doesn't mean women are. If men don't know, they should, that a woman's biggest sex organ is her brain, which is why time, setting and mood all play a huge part in intimate relations.
Denying sex is a good way to bring a marriage to an end and perhaps, that is where she is coming from. Maybe she just doesn't want to be the one to file for the divorce. I am guessing that her side of the story would read differently. After not having a sexual relationship for some time and especially after there has been a betrayal of some sort in the marriage, you don't just pick up where you left off.
My simple assumption: no sex/refused sex= your spouse doesn't love you. Also, a good chance that there's a third person involved.
Its just a matter of time; divorce is emanate. Im surprised it lasted this long, imo
I agree too.
Another poster mentioned maybe a person just has low sex drive.
But I think if you loved the other person, you'd take the initiative to DO something about it or at least try.
It sounded like she wouldn't really try; she said she would, but wouldn't. I could see if maybe nothing was happening and it went on for a few months or a year, but TEN years?
OK, so I take it you've had an aversion to counseling for 10 years. That's usually what couples do when talking doesn't work--they try professional help. But, whatever. I hope your next marriage works out a lot better.
Have you ever been through marital counseling? I have and it didn't help. In fact I can't name a single couple who was helped by marital counseling.
I can just imagine how thrilled the OP will be when, after his hissy fit divorce, his wife starts dating again, looking and feeling great and having the best sex of her life. He will hear this from his kids who will be in her custody.
It goes back to anger and that clip I posted. It's not about sex. It's about power, control, etc. Sex has now become a power struggle between the OP and his wife. Chances are she's angry at him for something, but she doesn't have the decency and maturity to tell him what it is.
Quote:
Originally Posted by AnywhereElse
Denying sex is a good way to bring a marriage to an end and perhaps, that is where she is coming from. Maybe she just doesn't want to be the one to file for the divorce. I am guessing that her side of the story would read differently. After not having a sexual relationship for some time and especially after there has been a betrayal of some sort in the marriage, you don't just pick up where you left off.
Sex on demand, not that desirable.
They do have a sexual relationship. They have sex twice a month. That's not enough for him.
I will say this, that was more often than my marriage. I was simmering with resentment toward my ex at the time, and when I'm angry at a man, hell NO I don't want him touching me, much less IN me. GTFO, literally!
Funny how my sex drive came raging back shortly after he moved out, though. Not living in a state of chronic stress and annoyance will do that for a woman.
It doesn't really have anything to do with sex. The last guy I saw doing it was complaining endlessly that his wife wouldn't wear skirts. He was POed that she came home from work and took her business clothes off and changed, when he claimed she knew he wanted her to wear skirts. He did that for months before he announced he was getting a divorce because he couldn't stand it any more that his wife wouldn't wear skirts.
The complaining can be about anything.
Generally, though, men who are committed to making their marriage work do not go onto forums and discuss the most intimate private details about their wife and marriage. If the sex has problems and they hope to stay married, they work on the issue. They do not treat their wife with such disrespect and subject her to public ridicule.
If the wife has spending problems, and they want to stay married, they get financial counseling; they don't go onto forums and rave about how stupid and irresponsible their wife is, all the while refusing to consider good advice.
If the wife won't wash the car, they work on the issue or compromise, they don't go on line and complain that it is ruining their life, unless they are positioning themselves to get a divorce that is all the spouse's fault.
Women do it, too. It's not just men that do it: try to convince the world that they are the victim and have no choice about the divorce.
Public ridicule? You know, you're right. That poor woman, Mrs. Icehouse, will never be able to show her face in public again.
But you didn't answer the question. This board and others are filled with posts from men who complain their wives' low sex drive. Are they all phonies who want to find a reason for divorce or was your assesment only reserved for tbe OP?
I don't want to mess up the rest of this vacation by having yet another useless talk with my wife. This is the last straw, Things are going to be mighty different when we get home.
OK.............it been exactly a month since you started this thread..........
So are things mighty different now, or was that just spewing tough talk???
Public ridicule? You know, you're right. That poor woman, Mrs. Icehouse, will never be able to show her face in public again.
But you didn't answer the question. This board and others are filled with posts from men who complain their wives' low sex drive. Are they all phonies who want to find a reason for divorce or was your assesment only reserved for tbe OP?
I see nearly as many posts from female posters complaining about their husband's lack of interest in sex with them also. Perhaps being male you simply note the male posters' complaints more.
Also, lack of interest in sex with husband/wife does not equal low sex drive necessarily. There can be other issues in the relationship (and often are) which stop the sex.
Kick her to the curb. You deserve sex. It's in the Bible
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