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Old 08-16-2013, 05:27 AM
 
Location: a primitive state
11,403 posts, read 24,498,175 times
Reputation: 17519

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Quote:
Originally Posted by lionking View Post
Because the article interested me, because it pertains to me and because I am not the only man out there like this. Also because according to studies less and less men are getting married and because according to studies divorce is highly probable and how is it that a man who looses a marriage is not considered a failure which said divorce often leaves the man at a financial state or stage in life where it is hard for him to rebuild a life yet someone like me who has been independent through out life and is fully capable of standing on my own is considered damaged or a failure?

Also , I ask because tonight I didn't feel like playing guitar for a change and wanted to gab instead. I could possibly need a "make over" in some people's eyes but what exactly does such a make over mean, does it mean submission?, if so then no thanks.

Actually I did try a make over once. I cut my hair, started looking like everybody else in society, listened to someone that said " get a career that has a " future" and a pension and all that. I looked into becoming a cop (lol!) , a paramedic , prison guard, even considered joining the military. I didn't in the end thank gawd, specially the cop part, but in that time span while listening to others tell me "be like this, be like that" I was lost to who I was and truly unhappy because. Lesson learned from it was be true to yourself and when I became again I became happier again.
Don't get me wrong, I like alternative types. I'm just saying your cool look is dated. Long hair is fine and there's nothing wrong with being a musician as long as you keep a healthy perspective.

I was single when I was 40 and I gave myself a massive update. Didn't change who I was, just sharpened up and grew up, in a good way. Wasn't anything wrong with staying single, but married life is very satisfying if you find the right person. And self-improvement opened many doors I never knew existed.

You might find more stable prospects in the dating world if you didn't look like Ozzy, Jr. And I mean that kindly, if a bit bluntly.
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Old 08-16-2013, 05:35 AM
 
7,492 posts, read 11,848,841 times
Reputation: 7394
Don't change anything to impress women, ok? Are you willing to wear a mask for the rest of your life, be it physical or otherwise?
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Old 08-16-2013, 06:35 AM
 
Location: Oklahoma City, OK
5,353 posts, read 5,803,209 times
Reputation: 6561
Over 40 and have been married. I can't imagine it being any more difficult for a never married guy than it is for me. Women will judge negatively either way. I'm destined to stay single, personally.
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Old 08-18-2013, 08:54 PM
 
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
3,840 posts, read 4,520,095 times
Reputation: 3089
Why does over 40 matter? Is 40 the magical cut off age at which point you're mystically prevented from partaking of marriage and life?
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Old 08-18-2013, 08:58 PM
 
6,319 posts, read 7,257,362 times
Reputation: 11987
Wow dude, you are living in the wrong place.

Where I live a single man of 40 would be "fresh meat" for every spinster and ageing harlot in town.

You would be extremely popular, despite yourself.
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Old 08-18-2013, 09:36 PM
 
Location: Oklahoma City, OK
5,353 posts, read 5,803,209 times
Reputation: 6561
Quote:
Originally Posted by cindersslipper View Post
Wow dude, you are living in the wrong place.

Where I live a single man of 40 would be "fresh meat" for every spinster and ageing harlot in town.

You would be extremely popular, despite yourself.
You're right, I'm living in the wrong place. I have a great job and look young for my age. I work out, am educated, loyal, commitment minded, etc. And yet, can't get dates here. Mind you, I'm not Mr. extrovert, so I don't approach random women. Still, its never been so hard. I attribute it to age and location. I'm told I look 10 years younger, but age alone works against me on the dating sites, since women in their 30's won't even look at a man in his forties. Doesn't matter that I look 32.
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Old 08-18-2013, 10:24 PM
 
Location: socal baby
1,355 posts, read 2,550,647 times
Reputation: 928
OP, I married late and had several friends in the same situation. So I have lots of thoughts and I'll share a couple:

1. Quit focusing on the "if he is not married by 40, there must be something wrong" issue. So long as you have a busy active social life, it doesn't matter what other ppl think.

2. When ppl ask you if you're married, just say "no, i'm still searching for my soul mate. don't want to be a divorce casualty." nuff said, but you could add "do you have any cute friends you could set me up with?"

3. You do need a make over, but not the typical one you are thinking about. You need to act/dress/be an established successful middle age guy.
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Old 08-18-2013, 11:02 PM
 
752 posts, read 1,167,031 times
Reputation: 397
Quote:
Originally Posted by lionking View Post
Now there is some truth to the fact that I might be damaged goods in a sense because I have been set in my ways and overly independent. It is true that I am picky, and scared of it failing. Not true that I am gay, I have had my fair share of sex with women in my time, just never wanted to commit , except a couple I did but they didn't, never have had any inclination to be gay.
Man just face the true - you are discard of evolution. Same like myself. I was married two time and it do not count. You tell me what count? But how all discard come with same SERIES (not one then dozens) of stories. You are 40, you should face true. I wonder if I would get banned again? Telling true to people. Ops I change my mind. OP is actually very good looking, he is just so fancy that his mentality do not allow him to impregnant women.
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Old 08-18-2013, 11:12 PM
 
Location: SGV, CA
808 posts, read 1,881,770 times
Reputation: 1276
Well with gay marriage soon to be legalized in more and more places, at least people will stop thinking you're gay.
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Old 08-18-2013, 11:13 PM
 
Location: Chicago, IL
3,793 posts, read 4,610,359 times
Reputation: 3341
Quote:
Originally Posted by lionking View Post
Over 40 never married man, am I a social pariah, "creepy" "damaged goods" or gay? LOL
You may or may not be any or all of those things. I don't know you, so I can't say. I can tell you that if you are any of those things, it's not because you're over 40 and single.

Quote:
Originally Posted by lionking View Post
So read this article and discuss....
This article has an extremely bitter, negative tone. It sounds like whoever wrote it is unhappy with their own life decisions and is projecting that onto others. It's difficult to even read, let alone take seriously.

I'm 39 and don't encounter such hatred from people for being single. I don't expect that to magically change when I turn 40.
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