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Old 08-17-2013, 01:58 PM
 
35 posts, read 103,150 times
Reputation: 32

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth View Post
I don't think it's being in a relationship that's difficult for you. There are plenty of women out there who don't go on overnights with a bunch of guy friends, or one guy friend. What's difficult for you is being in a relationship with someone who has a lot of guy friend, and goes on overnights with them without you.

Since we don't know anything about these other guys or the nature of her friendship with them (are they exes, or just platonic friends?), there's not much more we can say at this point. How well do you know the guys?

Well , we're both from different states so right now she's visiting her family and i'm visiting mine. I know her friends in the state that we live in and I get along with all of them really well.

I'm really a laid back guy and don't have jealousy issues. This situation really doesn't sit well with me though. She also mentioned one of the guys she's seeing is a friend she hasn't seen in 10 years. Another is a friend who just got out of a 5 year relationship. It just seems like a messed up situation, and I don't want to be another guy being made a fool of.

I feel like if I say something, calm or not I look like the bad guy because they're her friends.. at the same time I put myself in the same situation and I can't imagine being in a situation like that with a girl platonically. It's most likely me, but it's still something that's really bothering me. I don't always get such weird feelings about things either.. and I am a believer in "if something seems wrong, it probably is". at the same time it'd be hard for me to see her doing anything wrong?

Not sure if I'm correctly making my point or not?
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Old 08-17-2013, 02:12 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
102,126 posts, read 107,381,087 times
Reputation: 115942
Quote:
Originally Posted by idk997 View Post
Well , we're both from different states so right now she's visiting her family and i'm visiting mine. I know her friends in the state that we live in and I get along with all of them really well.

I'm really a laid back guy and don't have jealousy issues. This situation really doesn't sit well with me though. She also mentioned one of the guys she's seeing is a friend she hasn't seen in 10 years. Another is a friend who just got out of a 5 year relationship. It just seems like a messed up situation, and I don't want to be another guy being made a fool of.

I feel like if I say something, calm or not I look like the bad guy because they're her friends.. at the same time I put myself in the same situation and I can't imagine being in a situation like that with a girl platonically. It's most likely me, but it's still something that's really bothering me. I don't always get such weird feelings about things either.. and I am a believer in "if something seems wrong, it probably is". at the same time it'd be hard for me to see her doing anything wrong?

Not sure if I'm correctly making my point or not?
It's hard to say. It sounds like these are guys from HS or her neighborhood that she knew way back. (See the last paragraph I added to my previous post. You responded before I'd finished.) So maybe it's ok. Just because someone just got out of a relationship doesn't mean he's going to be into your gf. If she grew up around these guys, they could, indeed, be just friends. Like I said earlier, I've had purely platonic friends. One even became a roommate later on, and we were still just friends. He would go out with someone occasionally, would look around for girlfriend material, and would just live his life, it didn't affect our friendship. We just weren't into each other "in that way", we were friends.

Now, usually on this forum, people say if your gut tells you something's off, then go with that. I'm not so sure in this case, but I'm not receiving her phone calls, hearing her tone of voice when she discusses these guys, etc., so I can't say anything for sure. But if she were trying to get away with something, she wouldn't be reporting all this stuff to you.
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Old 08-17-2013, 11:23 PM
 
35 posts, read 103,150 times
Reputation: 32
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth View Post
It's hard to say. It sounds like these are guys from HS or her neighborhood that she knew way back. (See the last paragraph I added to my previous post. You responded before I'd finished.) So maybe it's ok. Just because someone just got out of a relationship doesn't mean he's going to be into your gf. If she grew up around these guys, they could, indeed, be just friends. Like I said earlier, I've had purely platonic friends. One even became a roommate later on, and we were still just friends. He would go out with someone occasionally, would look around for girlfriend material, and would just live his life, it didn't affect our friendship. We just weren't into each other "in that way", we were friends.

Now, usually on this forum, people say if your gut tells you something's off, then go with that. I'm not so sure in this case, but I'm not receiving her phone calls, hearing her tone of voice when she discusses these guys, etc., so I can't say anything for sure. But if she were trying to get away with something, she wouldn't be reporting all this stuff to you.
It all ended up being normal. I they took pictures from the night and there were a bunch of guys and girls. Nothing really looked strange about it at all.

I guess I was... wrong.
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Old 08-17-2013, 11:33 PM
 
7,934 posts, read 8,569,155 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by idk997 View Post
Looking for a little advice here, I have a girlfriend who has a lot of guy friends.. and this makes me uncomfortable. Just the other night, she went out to another city with her guy friends and I didn't hear from her until the next day at noon she sent a message saying she's still alive.

This doesn't sit right with me, but it's things like this that make me hate being in a relationship. I tell myself I'm supposed to trust the girl I'm with.. but at the same time it seems so sketchy it makes me wonder if I want to trust her.

I don't so much have insecurities or think other guys are better than me, I just don't like the idea of being lied to or played like a fool. It really bothers me. I also know, that you can't confront women about this stuff because it just makes you look weak and then they will go to another guy, so you have to keep calm and act like you don't care.

Where do you draw the line? Do you ever just tell yourself that you prefer being single? I guess I kind of ranted here but it just is annoying.
You've got good "man instincts" - that I can tell. She doesn't sit right with you, and that's that.

You're banging her I assume. Good for you. Enjoy it while it lasts because she doesn't sound like wifey material. Maybe someday she will be but don't sit there and wait for that to happen. Strictly based on the odds she's probably not anyway. Don't get attached. Easier said than done I know.
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Old 08-17-2013, 11:37 PM
 
7,934 posts, read 8,569,155 times
Reputation: 5889
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth View Post
It's hard to say. It sounds like these are guys from HS or her neighborhood that she knew way back. (See the last paragraph I added to my previous post. You responded before I'd finished.) So maybe it's ok. Just because someone just got out of a relationship doesn't mean he's going to be into your gf. If she grew up around these guys, they could, indeed, be just friends. Like I said earlier, I've had purely platonic friends. One even became a roommate later on, and we were still just friends. He would go out with someone occasionally, would look around for girlfriend material, and would just live his life, it didn't affect our friendship. We just weren't into each other "in that way", we were friends.

Now, usually on this forum, people say if your gut tells you something's off, then go with that. I'm not so sure in this case, but I'm not receiving her phone calls, hearing her tone of voice when she discusses these guys, etc., so I can't say anything for sure. But if she were trying to get away with something, she wouldn't be reporting all this stuff to you.
Don't listen to anything this woman says.
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Old 08-17-2013, 11:39 PM
 
213 posts, read 503,211 times
Reputation: 225
I don't know any girl in a serious relationship who goes out and parties with guy friends. She's not that into you, dude.
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Old 08-17-2013, 11:52 PM
 
Location: Middle of the valley
48,436 posts, read 34,627,532 times
Reputation: 73585
Quote:
Originally Posted by idk997 View Post
It all ended up being normal. I they took pictures from the night and there were a bunch of guys and girls. Nothing really looked strange about it at all.

I guess I was... wrong.


To repeat the OP.


Not going to cite any names of the guys who totally jumped the gun.
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Old 08-18-2013, 01:59 AM
 
35 posts, read 103,150 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mikala43 View Post
To repeat the OP.


Not going to cite any names of the guys who totally jumped the gun.

But I guess, how do I fix that problem of me?

I mean, I should have known that my gf wasn't going out to some sketch place, she's crazy about me.. yet I assumed the worst and it really drove me nuts.
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Old 08-18-2013, 01:24 PM
 
Location: Middle of the valley
48,436 posts, read 34,627,532 times
Reputation: 73585
Quote:
Originally Posted by idk997 View Post
Looking for a little advice here, I have a girlfriend who has a lot of guy friends.. and this makes me uncomfortable. Just the other night, she went out to another city with her guy friends and I didn't hear from her until the next day at noon she sent a message saying she's still alive.
Well first, you phrased the situation in accurately and in the worst possible light, and I'm guessing that is because that is how you think, and not that you meant to be misleading.

There are no guarantees that we won't be betrayed. If you have used your big head wisely to choose a person you can minimize that chance.

If you find your reaction unreasonable and it interferes with your well being you may want to try counseling?
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Be sure to review Terms of Service: TOS
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Old 08-18-2013, 01:30 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
102,126 posts, read 107,381,087 times
Reputation: 115942
Quote:
Originally Posted by idk997 View Post
It all ended up being normal. I they took pictures from the night and there were a bunch of guys and girls. Nothing really looked strange about it at all.

I guess I was... wrong.
lol! Well, I'm happy for you. Thanks for getting back to us. It sounds like you have a great gf! Take this as a learning experience.
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