I feel stuck and dont know what i should do

[FutureDays]

Originally Posted by skaternum

Actually, I think some of it IS his fault. He's admitted to being grumpy, moody, showing favoritism to his kids, etc And I think all the advice to just bail is bad advice. He's got issues, and he's only going to take those with him to his next relationship. He needs to work on the issues, both individually and together with her. There are kids involved here, even if they're not married. Don't cut & run; work on things. I think the relationship is salvageable.

I agree with this advice. Take a moment to look at yourself objectively. You may cause a lot of the issues with your wife's disinterest in you. No one wants sexy time with an ass####. I think you'll be surprised that working real hard on yourself and only seeing your faults will help immensely.

I see a lot of good reasons for you to stay in this relationship. You do at least love your grilfriend. Work on being less selfish. If your main objective is to leave because of her faults you'll just fall back into the same problems in later relationships because you're not working on YOU just pointing the finger. Relationships change because people work on themselves; you can only change yourself.

[Elained10]

Originally Posted by Back to NE

Funny, if the OP said he was married, most women posters would call for all manner of counseling to save the marriage (as would the church). But because they are not married, cut-and-run seems to be the recommended solution. They don't want your girlfriend's remaining youth wasted on you apparently, maybe they want her to have a few more kids before her eggs go bad?

Nothing to do with not wanting his GF to waste her time

He has kids and is unhappy, he is messaging another man why should we tell him to stay and work it out?

[kitkatbar]

Originally Posted by jhanson7183

like i said, ive always loved her and her child. I havent always been a good "stepdad" (im not married so i used that term just to describe roles). I will admit i have favored my children at times like when they get in fights, or in terms of spending time with them. Its been hard. Ive always wanted to be a good dad and i know sometimes i focus only on my kids because i view them as my first responsibility, i brought them into this world after all. and i know ive said hurtful things. Like ive told her i was going to be gone for the day because her daughter was around. Didnt really mean it like "i dont love or like your daughter" i meant it more as like "i really wanted this day to myself because thats rare (my kids were gone) so im going to do something for myself or have alone time"

The answer to whether or not this can be fixed lies in whether or not you're willing to change. Period. I remember your posts from over a year ago, where the stepdaughter (who has no father figure and is very young) wanted to call you "Daddy" and you didn't want her to because your daughters wanted to be special. I mean, I understand how a 4-year-old can be jealous. They don't want a new sibling whether it's a biological sibling or a step-sibling. But if you're going to play the role of step-dad (and if you live in the house with a woman with a child, that's what you're choosing), then every precious child in that house MUST be treated equally. Period. No playing favorites. Do I think you did it on purpose? No. I think you're young and this situation is a mess. But if you want to fix it, that requires acknowledging screw ups in order to do something differently in the future.

If you guys had good sex before, if you had an affectionate relationship before, and if you were faithful before, then probably the issues you're having now are due to having alienated and hurt your girlfriend. And you can fix that. But it requires a change in behavior. You can't decide "well, sometimes I'm grumpy" and have that be a *shrug, okay?* moment. You have to actively decide you want to be a better man.

If you don't love this woman, get out of her house. To use her so your kids get a yard is the lowest, snake-like thing you could do. If you think you can fix it, then put 100% into fixing it now. Grow up and start putting your family first. How awful your girlfriend must feel knowing she shares a home with a man who treats her little girl like second best, who says he doesn't want to spend time with them yet wants to make special time for his own daughters. And if you're willing to "fake it" with her just to keep them in a cushy house situation? She's absolutely right about you. If you want to be a better man you need to start acting like one.