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OP, I am going to take you at your word, though I remain skeptical. Please understand my skepticism. If your story is true, I feel for you and will share my thoughts later. But we get a lot of "new posters" doing drive-by trollings here and this story has the makings of one of those, right down to your user name of "shyguy."
BUT...
If your story is true, we have bigger problems than a European vacation and they started much earlier than the day your wife and her boyfriend logged onto Expedia. I am going to ask for more background on you.
How old are you? Is "shyguy82" a reference to the year you were born? How long have you been married? Do you have kids? What is your occupation? What is your wife's occupation? Did she fund this excursion with her own $$$, credit card, or money you earned at your job? Is the boyfriend paying?
These may seem like minor details and the answers to these questions by no means justify your wife's actions. Let me be clear, I think she is dead wrong. But the answers to these questions about you help us paint a better picture of what kind of guy you are. Do you have the means to take her to divorce court? Are you able to recover from a divorce? Are you stable enough and self respecting enough to draw lines in the sand and expect your limits and wishes to be respected?
If I were you I would be very clear with her. She can go on her trip, but it's going to cost her her marriage. And I don't treat divorce lightly. But I would file before she leaves. See how she reacts. If she goes anyway, she obviously doesn't care about you. I doubt she does anyway, so it's not like you've lost anything. I would be very open about this, though. Make all the arrangements to file, let her know you are doing it, and then do it. You are in CA, so as the husband, you are likely screwed as CA courts tend to side with the wife no matter what they do. (I'm familiar with a case in which a mother who had a record of abusing her child still won custody in that state, so that's what you are up against.)
Just know once you make your decision you need to stick with it. She's made hers, and she is sticking
with it. Why not do the same?
Yes shyguy82 is a reference to the year I was born which is 1982. I am 31 years old, I work at Macy's as a cosmetic sales supervisor since 2007. My wife works at a company called Dollar tree she's been there since 2006. We have not yet had any kids together (thank God) since we are still fairly young.
Yes shyguy82 is a reference to the year I was born which is 1982. I am 31 years old, I work at Macy's as a cosmetic sales supervisor since 2007. My wife works at a company called Dollar tree she's been there since 2006. We have not yet had any kids together (thank God) since we are still fairly young.
How can a retail dept. super and a dollar store employee afford a European vacation?
(Smart move--no kids! Make sure she AND YOU use birth control!)
Yes shyguy82 is a reference to the year I was born which is 1982. I am 31 years old, I work at Macy's as a cosmetic sales supervisor since 2007. My wife works at a company called Dollar tree she's been there since 2006. We have not yet had any kids together (thank God) since we are still fairly young.
My guess is Macy's pays significantly more than Dollar Tree. You're also in a managerial position, what about her? My guess is even with two incomes, a European vacation is a significant chunk of change to you two. Where is this money coming from? Do you have the ability to "defund" it? You may need the money for the divorce court if it reaches that point. If you have a joint account, you may want to consider opening your own. Make sure you speak to a lawyer first, though. CA is a weird state and there are a lot of weird laws. Make sure what you are doing is legal first.
Yes shyguy82 is a reference to the year I was born which is 1982. I am 31 years old, I work at Macy's as a cosmetic sales supervisor since 2007. My wife works at a company called Dollar tree she's been there since 2006. We have not yet had any kids together (thank God) since we are still fairly young.
You are both in retail and she works at Dollar Tree. Who the heck is paying for this trip to London and points beyond? It's most certainly not you or your wife; you can't afford it.
And she has already booked this trip for March 2014, you said - eight-nine months in advance?
Many airlines will not book flights that far in advance. If they do, you are paying a premium. And who the heck pays for airline tickets that far ahead of time, anyway?
I don't believe your story. I think you are lying.
You are both in retail and she works at Dollar Tree. Who the heck is paying for this trip to London and points beyond?
And she has already booked this trip for March 2014, you said - eight-nine months in advance?
Many airlines will not book flights that far in advance. If they do, you are paying a premium. And who the heck pays for airline tickets that far ahead of time, anyway?
I don't believe your story. I think you are lying.
It's true. That would be a lot of interest piling up if placed on a credit card so far in advance.
Retail pays very poorly, even department supervisor jobs. I don't see how this is affordable. Even the question of having kids would be moot on the money these two bring in. Unless they live in a trailer.
It's true. That would be a lot of interest piling up if placed on a credit card so far in advance.
Retail pays very poorly, even department supervisor jobs. I don't see how this is affordable. Even the question of having kids would be moot on the money these two bring in.
So my wife wants to go on a getaway to Europe with her best male friend. They've been friends for years (longer than I've known my wife). They call each other "best friends forever" and "big sis" and "little bro." But part of me is convinced that this guy is in love with her. He treats me with contempt and is always trying to minimize me in her eyes. He is ALWAYS around, and it seems my wife and I can't do anything without her wanting to invite this guy along.
I've tried my hardest to respect her other relationships with people and not be a controlling jerk. But this guy bothers me. The thing that strikes me the most is that this guy has become more and more of a presence in my wife's life the closer we've gotten. It's almost as if he's competing with me for her affections and has stepped up his efforts to remain the #1 guy in her life as my wife and I have grown closer. Every time my wife does something, or goes on a trip with her girlfriends, he comes along.
Both him and my wife are insistent that there is no romantic relationship at all. But that it's like a big sister-little brother relationship. Now my wife wants to go to Europe with him. The thing that makes me so angry is that I have told my wife I would love to take a trip with her and she dismisses it as something she's not interested in. Now she's already booked her plane tickets to go to London with this guy in March. I'm at a loss and very angry. I have expressed my frustrations to my wife and she just tells me there's nothing wrong with it because it's like taking a trip with a brother. I just don't understand this, and part of me just wants to tell her to just divorce me and marry him. I love my wife so much, but it seems like she's more interested in spending time with her "best friend forever" than around me. What do I do? Should I leave her??
Additional Details
It should be noted that I have tried to talk to her about this. She just shuts me down and tells me I'm being ridiculous, that this is "their thing" and I should just get over it. I've also confronted the "best friend" and he says that he's known her longer than me and that I SHOULD JUST STEP OFF, that I don't understand what they have and how special it is. Yet, neither of them wants to be romantically involved (supposedly). I don't understand this. Am I wrong for being angry and feeling like my feelings are being trampled on?
Talk to her about this again, as I see this really inappropriate. I am a wife myself too, and I do have a male bestfriend also who I met since we are in grade school.. But when i got married and he stayed single, no matter how close we are, we don't plans trip together. That's to give priority and respect to my husband who is now my family. I would never be with any male guy on a trip and give ny husband worries and doubts. If she says you are not trusting her with this, well yo have to admit that you are a human being and was hurt coz she chose to be with hin instead of you on a major trip, which is really annoying on your part. Kindly suggest to her that you guys get counseling for couples so you would guys know what to do.
My guess is Macy's pays significantly more than Dollar Tree. You're also in a managerial position, what about her? My guess is even with two incomes, a European vacation is a significant chunk of change to you two. Where is this money coming from? Do you have the ability to "defund" it? You may need the money for the divorce court if it reaches that point. If you have a joint account, you may want to consider opening your own. Make sure you speak to a lawyer first, though. CA is a weird state and there are a lot of weird laws. Make sure what you are doing is legal first.
Sorry bro but you dont know anything about our past or history do you??
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