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And that's why there's a million threads that have some poster asking the forum some question about some person, or what that person is thinking, in which case we never actually know what said person is thinking, and that they should ask these questions to said person.
Talking is communicating, and so many people don't understand this. Why I'll never know.
There is a name for this process, but I can't remember what it is. It's like you are trying to lift the person up after bringing them down, or lift them up before bringing them down to level them out.
I will think of what it is called in the middle of the night or when I am in the shower or something. It is used with children.
A couple nights ago I made it a point to share with my wife something that bothers me. This happens from time to time, you have something that is on your mind and you have to discuss it. I approached tactfully and as reasonably as I could, yet still my wife got defensive. This was not unexpected, as she clearly saw it her way and that her way was right. To have that challenged is not easy.
We talked through the issue, and that was that. Yesterday while at work I replayed the conversation in my mind and considered what I should have done differently. I don't regret bringing up the subject at hand because it isn't healthy to let something that is making you unhappy brew and simmer like that. At the same time it occurred to me that if I am going to make it a point to share with her something about her that has made me upset, once that issue is resolved I should make it a point to share with her something about her that makes me happy.
So last night I did. I thought long and hard about something I knew would be meaningful. Something I admire about her and makes me proud to be her husband and I told her just before we went to bed. I could tell it meant a lot to her.
The reason I am sharing this story with the class is I feel like communication is the point of failure for a great number of relationships. We are sometimes very fast on the trigger to communicate our dissatisfaction but a little slower to communicate to our spouse/SO that which makes us happy. I don't think I've all-out neglected this in my marriage, but I definitely should put more effort into positive communication.
It's easy to complain. Taking the effort to communicate to your spouse/SO the positive things in your life is a little more difficult. But it's definitely worth the effort.
Good thinking! That principal applies in many areas of life. But it is so important to recognize in marriage. Imma borrow that thought.
City Data has a nifty feature. If you click on My Settings, and roll down to click on Edit Ignore List, then type in the name of a member, it will block that member's postings from being displayed to you.
Yes, I realize this is the opposite of communication.
Okay, now your assignment is to make your spouse feel that good EVERY DAY, so that when that negative issue pops up, you'll have credit in the bank.
i wish there was some kind of goodwill bank,,, i use to think there was one,,until the monthly pms bank robber arrived... no matter how much goodwill you have banked- its gone,,,,and gone with attitude!!
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