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It's not up to a woman to give some guy she hardly knows more of a chance than a first date. Being a little nervous is one thing, but if he's such a delicate petal that he can't function socially like a normal person that's his cross to bear, not hers.
I fully agree that a woman is not "obligated" to do anything beyond a first date, with a man who is more sensitive to rejection. All I'm saying I guess is that if she was just a little more lenient with him, in terms of first impressions (maybe give him an option of making a "second impression", by the end of the first date, for example?) and actually got to know him a little better, instead of making a split-second decision on if he is acceptable to her, that she might actually be pleasantly surprised...
Last edited by Phoenix2017; 08-23-2013 at 05:48 PM..
Reason: Typo
I fully agree that that a woman is not "obligated" to do anything beyond a first date, with a man who is more sensitive to rejection. All I'm saying I guess is that if she was just a little more lenient with him, in terms of first impressions (maybe give him an option of making a "second impression", by the end of the first date, for example?) and actually got to know him a little better, instead of making a split-second decision on if he is acceptable to her, that she might actually be pleasantly surprised...
But generally, a timid guy who's paralyzed with anxiety on the first date isn't going to miraculously transform into a confident man on the second date. Any women would wonder how that guy would initiate any subsequent dates, or how he'd handle the first kiss, or if he'd be any good in bed, or if he'd speak up for himself in general. Giving him another chance isn't going to resolve those deeper issues, and she's looking for a boyfriend, not a therapy client.
Sorry, but the bolded is a turn off for me. I don't want a man who's afraid to go for what he wants. Everyone is afraid, but the man for me takes action despite the fear. Everyone gets rejected, both men and women, not everyone becomes a victim because of it.
I understand your train of thought, and you are 100% correct that everyone gets rejected, male and female alike. It can become a devastating blow to a more sensitive guy's feelings of self-worth and self-esteem though, when the number or rejections is greatly skewed out of proportion in a negative way to the number of non-rejections. For example: if every single woman a guy has ever dated in his entire life have all turned him down for a relationship, it can hurt, quite terribly and profoundly, deep inside him. Taken to extremes, that alone can cause feelings of worthlessness, being totally unlovable, and being a complete failure. This is in turn causes feelings of despair and hopelessness, and the feeling that no matter what he does or tries to improve himself by, he will always get rejected no matter what. So maybe if you can see the bigger picture here, you might also understand more, about how this can potentially lead to increased levels of timidity and passiveness...
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If you need to work on your baggage then do so, but IMO this is stuff you need to work through before dating. I'm not interested in "easing" a man's "symptoms of timidity and anxiety", and I will never be attracted to a man I have to approach as I would a frightened baby deer.
I used to be like this -- very, very (extremely) shy with women romantically and very timid, because the amount of hurt and emotional pain that was incurred cumulatively over the years by a 100% rejection rate for 31 years hurt, terribly and excruciatingly. It was like a huge, gaping, empty hole in my heart, and as though something fundamental had been ripped out of me. The situation didn't change for me until a very caring, softhearted and gentle young woman actually gave me a real chance with her romantically, including timidity and shyness and all, and with me, exactly as I was. It was her love and compassion that made the real difference -- she accepted me, just as I was, and truly loved me, like no one else ever had -- she showed me the meaning of real love, and what love was all about. Her love and compassion helped me immensely in a very positive and meaningful way, and today, I no longer have to deal with feelings of extreme timidity or passiveness -- and if everything hopefully goes as planned, I will very soon be officially engaged to her, and will eventually marry her, within the next several years. All because she was willing to take a chance on me
and if everything hopefully goes as planned, I will very soon be officially engaged to her, and will eventually marry her, within the next several years. All because she was willing to take a chance on me
Not everything goes according to plan, bro. The way you write means you'd be devastated if things went south.
The situation didn't change for me until a very caring, softhearted and gentle young woman actually gave me a real chance with her romantically, including timidity and shyness and all, and with me, exactly as I was. It was her love and compassion that made the real difference -- she accepted me, just as I was, and truly loved me, like no one else ever had -- she showed me the meaning of real love, and what love was all about. Her love and compassion helped me immensely in a very positive and meaningful way, and today, I no longer have to deal with feelings of extreme timidity or passiveness -- and if everything hopefully goes as planned, I will very soon be officially engaged to her, and will eventually marry her, within the next several years. All because she was willing to take a chance on me
All I can say is that I hope you've met this one in person, Knight.
But generally, a timid guy who's paralyzed with anxiety on the first date isn't going to miraculously transform into a confident man on the second date. Any women would wonder how that guy would initiate any subsequent dates, or how he'd handle the first kiss, or if he'd be any good in bed, or if he'd speak up for himself in general. Giving him another chance isn't going to resolve those deeper issues, and she's looking for a boyfriend, not a therapy client.
If a woman is genuinely kind, caring, and open, during the first date, this can go leaps and bounds, toward helping the guy she's dating feel more confident, and more secure while in her presence. It lessens the feelings of timidity, because he feels encouraged and emboldened, by her kindness. Typically though, in my own experience and when I actively dated women earlier a few years ago, the opposite would happen. Meaning, that at the first hint of timidity or shyness in me during the date, a woman would clam up, become closed-in, and emotionally hardened. Timidity instantly thus became an automatic and irredeemable failure for me, in her eyes, and once that happened, nothing else I said or did could make a difference, in improving her estimation of me, no matter what I did or tried.
Not everything goes according to plan, bro. The way you write means you'd be devastated if things went south.
Thank you for your kind concern, Hurricane; I appreciate it I'm not seriously worried about reverting to my previous state though, even if things didn't work out in the end -- if only because, she and I did temporarily break up, some time ago. During the breakup period, and even though it did hurt very much, the old pattern of behavior did not reemerge. In fact, I even had some very good luck romantically, with another very kind and sweet lady, after the breakup. The other lady and I later broke up amicably some months later, due to reasons largely outside of my control and unrelated to the girl I am currently involved with. At that time, the girl I am currently involved with and I were able to successfully reconcile.
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