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I'm in my 30s so this isn't some little crush. I've only had feelings this strong for somebody twice in my life.
I've been at my work place for 6 years and worked with this woman for 5. I asked her out once 5 years ago but she declined. I've had relationships during those years, but the problem is even when I am in a relationship, I still think of this woman I work with. I can't find somebody else to cancel this emotion out and its really bothering me.
Every once in a while, we would hang out, but just as friends. Normally, I'm very direct, but since I work with this person, I just dropped hints that I still care for her since I don't want to make any big mistakes. Unfortunately those hints, she either replies with silence or doesn't give an answer that gives me a hint.
I'm not sure if this helps, but its an odd detail. When I was in this one longer relationship, every friend at work was so supportive except that woman I liked. She only looked away. Not sure why she would do that. Maybe lonely herself. We talk often at work though so I'm not sure if I'd want to ruin any friendship
My dilemma:
Should I just tell her? If I do, it will be honest, off my chest, and I'm older. At this time, I doubt its going to go away.
Don't tell her: Just keep my head high and just keep that safe distance? I mean, would telling her really even do any good? I really like my job so I'm not leaving it due to this. Normally, I can conquer anything with willpower, but this time I need some help. No, I'm not going to turn to any medications or crap like that.
Her reaction to you has been abundantly clear from the beginning. She's just not interested in you romantically. The fact that she showed no interest in the romantic relationship you had makes it even clearer. This is the sort of business you need to keep out of the office anyway - your work associates aren't there to "support" your romantic ups and downs. I don't know how much "older" you are but to even believe yourself to be "in love with" a coworker you've never even dated is very out of whack.
Saying anything at all to this woman can backfire on you with a vengeance. Accept the fact that she's not in the slightest bit interested in you and just keep your nose to the work grindstone.
It doesn't matter how old you are, you are NOT in love with her. You could be in lust, you could be fixated, you have an unrequited crush with someone who isn't interested in a relationship with you.
I'm more interested about what's going on in your life that you have allowed yourself to develop such strong feelings for a coworker that declined to date you 5 years ago and has not since showed any interest. Why are you choosing not to let go of your feelings toward her? No, I wouldn't tell her how you feel, I would work on resolving my personal issues you're allowing to occur that keep you fixated on someone who doesn't want to date you and thinking that what you have is love.
I'm more interested about what's going on in your life that you have allowed yourself to develop such strong feelings for a coworker that declined to date you 5 years ago and has not since showed any interest. Why are you choosing to let go of your feelings toward her? No, I wouldn't tell her how you feel, I would work on resolving my personal issues you're allowing to occur that keep you fixated on someone who doesn't want to date you and thinking that what you have is love.
I like your perspective, it's good way to approach love. It's so hard to let go of unrequited love, let go of that addictive consuming feeling. In the end we are only hurting ourselves by not respecting ourselves by seeing the truth. Now I believe love can only be complete when it's reciprocated, if it's not it's just a fantasy that will drag us down.
Love and respect yourself, learn to be whole and love life alone. Finding love with others is the icing on the cake but not something you can bet on in the long haul!
I'm in my 30s so this isn't some little crush. I've only had feelings this strong for somebody twice in my life.
I've been at my work place for 6 years and worked with this woman for 5. I asked her out once 5 years ago but she declined. I've had relationships during those years, but the problem is even when I am in a relationship, I still think of this woman I work with. I can't find somebody else to cancel this emotion out and its really bothering me.
Every once in a while, we would hang out, but just as friends. Normally, I'm very direct, but since I work with this person, I just dropped hints that I still care for her since I don't want to make any big mistakes. Unfortunately those hints, she either replies with silence or doesn't give an answer that gives me a hint.
I'm not sure if this helps, but its an odd detail. When I was in this one longer relationship, every friend at work was so supportive except that woman I liked. She only looked away. Not sure why she would do that. Maybe lonely herself. We talk often at work though so I'm not sure if I'd want to ruin any friendship
My dilemma:
Should I just tell her? If I do, it will be honest, off my chest, and I'm older. At this time, I doubt its going to go away.
Don't tell her: Just keep my head high and just keep that safe distance? I mean, would telling her really even do any good? I really like my job so I'm not leaving it due to this. Normally, I can conquer anything with willpower, but this time I need some help. No, I'm not going to turn to any medications or crap like that.
Thanks
There is only one way to solve the issue. Make a move respectfully and you will know for sure weather you stand a chance or not. If she rejects your advances then let it go and move on. She already declined once and you say that she doesn't seem to respond to your hints so if I was you I would try once more since you think there might be a chance because she was not supportive of your previous relationship. If a woman doesn't want you then why waste your time with her?
I like your perspective, it's good way to approach love. It's so hard to let go of unrequited love, let go of that addictive consuming feeling. In the end we are only hurting ourselves by not respecting ourselves by seeing the truth. Now I believe love can only be complete when it's reciprocated, if it's not it's just a fantasy that will drag us down.
Love and respect yourself, learn to be whole and love life alone. Finding love with others is the icing on the cake but not something you can bet on in the long haul!
Very true. And the problem that I think many people don't realize is they are in control of their emotions, and they way they feel is their choice. It's not something that happens to them without their permission or against their will. They are choosing to feel this way, and have the power within themselves to choose to feel another way. But it's easier to think you are a victim of your own emotions, helpless to do anything about it, and then end up baffled as to why you're stuck.
I think that many (even most) of the problems people have are because they are looking for the easiest solution, not the right solution.
I would try to find out if she feels the same way about you. Because you never know. If she likes you too, then I would consider breaking up with your current gf and pursuing a relationship with the new chick.
Here's my concern... you already asked her out once. She said no. She's friendly with you in general, but when you make a slightly flirty comment, she doesn't respond, or responds in a way that indicates no flirting back. I think to do anything further than this would absolutely risk a sexual harassment complaint.
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