Settling for "Good enough" (guy, jealous, couple, partner)
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Since no one is a perfect match (what IS perfect anyway?), and since you can never know whether or not you'd find someone better (maybe this person IS as good as it gets for you), then at some point you have to decide to commit or wait. OP is correct.
Since we don't necessarily realize that a person isn't a perfect match (they may be far better than anyone else previously, so relatively, they are), we can easily assure ourselves that the person we choose is the ideal choice.
Time will tell, and hindsight is clearer than foresight. Some will, of course, have chosen the best realistically possible match, and will continue to be happy with their choice. Others .... Well, we've seen the outcomes!
People are reading too much into what "settling" is. No one is perfect; that is understood. But, when you look at your partner and feel your heart swell with love and you cant imagine your life without him/her, you cant imagine not touching their..bodies..etc etc... it's not settling because that person doesn't pick up his socks or something. There are always gonna be little stuff like that between couples. Settling is when you KNOW in your heart that you don't have that feeling I just described for your partner, but you think he or she is..well..nice enough and has a decent job at least. That is settling.
The fact that down the line you guys may end up hating each other doesn't mean you 'settled' in the beginning, because that person WAS what you wanted at the time. I dated someone that was 'nice enough' about 5 yrs ago. He was cute and nice enough..but there was just no spark there. It was like I was dating a buddy. I didn't look at him and think, this man makes my heart go pitter patter. It was just..meh...nice enough guy. Now, this guy really liked me, but I had to tell him the truth. If I had let things go on, THEN I would have been settling, and that would not have been fair to me or him.
I'm at an age where I've finished my education, found a good job, and many people ( basically my mom ) are waiting for me to get a ring and push out a kid.
I understand all that sounds good. I just don't want to settle. I want that spark. He has to be a millionaire.
Those who marry for money, earn every penny of it. There is no free lunch.
While we are on the topic, you'd better be drop-dead gorgeous trophy wife material to expect one who advertises his wealth to want to marry you, most of them are only in the leasing or renting business.
Those who marry for money, earn every penny of it. There is no free lunch.
While we are on the topic, you'd better be drop-dead gorgeous trophy wife material to expect one who advertises his wealth to want to marry you, most of them are only in the leasing or renting business.
This is true. I do know of one such "trophy" wife in particular (several decades younger than her well-off spouse, no education, skills or smarts to speak of, or means of supporting herself financially), and the singular thing she has/had going for her is/was her age and youth. I saw a pic not too long ago after not having seen her for a few years, and, well, lets just say that her looks are middling at best, aided by a lot of expensive spit and polish, but even at that rate, it's glaringly evident that she needs to work a little harder at the upkeep. Her spouse's MO is to marry 'em, and then dump 'em for the next admin ass't./intern/temp as soon as they don't look 26 anymore. Shelf life's a brutal thing. I think that she thought once he married her, the deal was sealed, which is stupid, given the number of divorces he's racked up, including the one he was in when he was screwing around with her. Thing is, she's not even drop-dead gorgeous. But, he's old. And has a limited attention span.
Do you see what I wrote as negative? I don't think it is at all.
But contrary to what a lot of people seem to believe, you cannot just will or pray or visualize your way into a new reality. Objective reality exists, and it is what it is. To believe otherwise is to engage in magical thinking.
Nobody should even care about meeting "the" perfect match ever, I only want the perfect match for me.
Everyone is flawed, and flaws make things interesting. 100% perfect would seem inhumane
directed towards women, but the author argues how "Good enough" can be better than risking a possible alternative - waiting too long and getting to a point where you spend the rest of your life alone and lonely...
I've seen interviews with this author and the problem is really the title. It shouldn't be about 'settling' rather acknowledging one's own flaws and not expecting your partner to be perfect either.
What one thinks they deserve or are entitled to is irrelevant to dating. As I've often said, one has to consider what they bring to the table and what type of effort they are putting in to finding someone. Also, having preferences and dealbreakers are good and normal, but being too specific and picky can severely limit oneself. I prefer women shorter than me, however my last LTR was with a girl taller than me.
Again, as I've said, I have a few female friends who are way to picky in a specific way, and don't consider for one second what they really bring to the table. Or more importantly, they overrate certain characteristics (their job is less important to a guy than it is vice versa) and underrate others (men aren't trying to control you, but mellow is a good thing).
So it's not about settling, it's about getting over oneself.
Quote:
Originally Posted by SummerFall
People are reading too much into what "settling" is. No one is perfect; that is understood. But, when you look at your partner and feel your heart swell with love and you cant imagine your life without him/her, you cant imagine not touching their..bodies..etc etc... it's not settling because that person doesn't pick up his socks or something. There are always gonna be little stuff like that between couples. Settling is when you KNOW in your heart that you don't have that feeling I just described for your partner, but you think he or she is..well..nice enough and has a decent job at least. That is settling.
The fact that down the line you guys may end up hating each other doesn't mean you 'settled' in the beginning, because that person WAS what you wanted at the time. I dated someone that was 'nice enough' about 5 yrs ago. He was cute and nice enough..but there was just no spark there. It was like I was dating a buddy. I didn't look at him and think, this man makes my heart go pitter patter. It was just..meh...nice enough guy. Now, this guy really liked me, but I had to tell him the truth. If I had let things go on, THEN I would have been settling, and that would not have been fair to me or him.
There should be a curricula for health education classes of required reading such as this book. I think the sooner youthful mythological prince / princess thoughts of Mr. Perfect get re oriented to finding a compatible or complimentary person in type and mindset etc... the better off each gender would be.
The expectations of Mr / Ms Perfect etc... are best shown (humorously) as Robert Redford's character in the classic Twilight Zone episode "Nothing In The Dark" - I know its taken out of context, but I think it drives home a point that those waiting for Mr / Ms Perfect - won't find him /her until the 'angel of death' comes for them.
Finding a mate is IMO a lucky confluence of timing to actually meet someone of opposite gender who has same type of desires / outlook / priorities in life when you happen to cross paths with them and you find them passing your individual threshold of attractiveness. It's all percentages. You can increase your percentages of finding someone if you increase your velocity and volume of people met in different environments in a quality manner without expectations.
Y'all are crazy. Exactly 1/2 of people who get married settle. The other 1/2 reach. No couple is made of equals. If you want to be a reacher, and deal with what is entailed with that, go for it. If you want to have your ass kissed a little bit, settle.
Next time i promise i´ll use one of those dreaded emoticons, so you can get it´s a joke.
Seriously though, what is this <3? It doesn't look like a heart at all. I'd always assumed it was a very inappropriate symbol.
JJ was just playing. She got your funny post.
We still <3 u hahaha!!!!
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