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So do we have a general or preferable time where a man or a woman should get married? I guess the most default answer is before 30 and I am coming pretty close to it (male). Family is pressuring me to get married, but there are a few things I want to accomplish before tying the knot. (career wise, financially etc)
Is this true? will marrying late decrease my chances of finding true love? my thing is - if you have a life companion - you will need to commit 100% and I feel as if - I can't achieve that with my personal goals by starting a family/marriage.
married couples advice would be helpful or any !
thanks in advance !
No, "before 30" isn't the default answer. Although the custom in the past has tended to be to marry in the 20's, I've often read that people with a bit more wisdom always advised 20-somethings to wait until after 30, because the maturation process is then complete, people know themselves much better than in their early-to-mid 20's, and are in a better position to make good choices. And one main determinant in what time is appropriate, as you mention yourself, is career timing and having one's finances in a solid position. That's key for obvious reasons. Follow your own good judgment.
So do we have a general or preferable time where a man or a woman should get married? I guess the most default answer is before 30 and I am coming pretty close to it (male). Family is pressuring me to get married, but there are a few things I want to accomplish before tying the knot. (career wise, financially etc)
Is this true? will marrying late decrease my chances of finding true love? my thing is - if you have a life companion - you will need to commit 100% and I feel as if - I can't achieve that with my personal goals by starting a family/marriage.
married couples advice would be helpful or any !
thanks in advance !
I'm not clear what goals you have that you have completely ruled out a personal life until they're accomplished. I'm also not clear how you could achieve career goals and then suddenly have all kinds of free time for a spouse and children. Could you clarify?
The only time I would ever suggest someone put more focus into career is young people who are pursuing education. At 19, I would suggest not letting a current BF/GF interfere with getting educated, because that is the foundation for your future.
Beyond that, I don't know anyone personally who pursued one life goal to the exclusion of all else. In healthy relationships, there is a balance, and an understanding partner knows the meaning of short-term sacrifices for long-term gains.
There is no "right" age to marry, but realistically, that's usually what is going in in your 20s and 30s. Opportunities lessen the older you get, unless you are flexible and willing to date a divorcee and/or someone with children.
IMO, what family thinks, be dam*ed. They are not living your life, so if you want to get married, you do it on your own timeline, no one else's.
I didn't even MEET anybody who I wanted to have a serious relationship with until I was 30. And we lived together for five years, but marriage wasn't something we were looking at apart from maybe some distant, far-off thing. In the end, it was a really good thing we weren't planning marriage. But there's no way I was marrying the men I dated in my twenties. At least with my first serious relationship, it was something I viewed as a serious thing. My fiance and I will be married, first time marriage for both, not too long from now, and I'm 36 and he's 41. You don't get married because it's time to get married. You get married because you've met someone you want to build a life with, and that person feels the same. That's not going to happen at some set age, it's going to happen when it happens, if it happens.
I think part of pressure comes from the area you grew up in.
Like, for me, my family was starting to pressure me to marry when I was about 15, and it continued and got worse up until my mom got sick with cancer and priorities shifted, but I'm sure that if that didn't happen, my family would have probably hounded me every single day until I met someone and married her quick.
A large number of kids marry right out of high school or shortly after here, because I think the parents and families put pressure on them to marry ASAP.
This is a two part situation that is trying to be bundled up into one... Let's analyze.
1. Too old to find true love: The people that are socially awkward and having a harder time getting into a relationship after 30 are the ones that aren't doing themselves in favors. I did a meet up date with one; nice enough man, he was 37. In all his years, the longest relationship he had had was less than 2yrs and with a lot of solo time in between. He built a house right next door to mom. He was set in his ways and had no room to be flexible for compromising with a potential love of his life - this included wanting a partner that had no children (he knew I had a child and still asked me for meeting .. and the proceeded to ask me what the likelihood of me leaving my child in someone else's care would be? ). As a 32yr female, these were all items that I personally couldn't work with. Doesn't mean he was damaged goods, but it did mean finding someone that could work with all of that within his age range (+/- 8 years) was going to be harder for him.
2. Right age for marriage: Society likes to pressure this like marriage is a prize with the handsome reward of 'happily ever after' attached to it. Don't drink the kool aid. If you feel marriage is something that YOU want for your life, great. Wait and find the right gal for it. DON'T rush into marriage because it is what is expected. Some will never be married. Some tried out marriage and won't get married again. Some will stay married a long time. Some will get married multiple times. It just depends on what both partners want.
If you aren't ready or feel it - then you aren't ready so don't do it.
Want to get your relatives off your back? Come home, or take to your parents house, the most bizarre looking and weird personality girl you can find and tell them you are considering marrying her (but not in front of her)...they'll back off. I did it to my dad one year. He made some smartass remark about finding a man to support me in the style I'd become accustomed to (although I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself). I went and found this real old man who was extremely quirky but well off and brought him to my dad's house for a Christmas Party. My brothers thought it was hysterical - my parents never bothered me again.
So do we have a general or preferable time where a man or a woman should get married? I guess the most default answer is before 30 and I am coming pretty close to it (male). Family is pressuring me to get married, but there are a few things I want to accomplish before tying the knot. (career wise, financially etc)
Is this true? will marrying late decrease my chances of finding true love? my thing is - if you have a life companion - you will need to commit 100% and I feel as if - I can't achieve that with my personal goals by starting a family/marriage.
married couples advice would be helpful or any !
thanks in advance !
There is a good Miles Davis quote you could use on on whatever family members are pressuring you to marry. Three words, the third word is "man" and the second word is "you". Tell them you are 30 years old, a full grown man, and you will make your own decision about this, and will ask for advice if you want it. Then close with that great Piccard line "leave the bridge!"
Unless you want to marry (one decision) and want a family (second decision) then don't do it. Don't do it now, don't do it later, just say no.
Let me guess, Bible Belt area?
Read the stuff on Fred Reed's web page about marriage and divorce for men in America anymore, and heed.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pirouline
So do we have a general or preferable time where a man or a woman should get married? I guess the most default answer is before 30 and I am coming pretty close to it (male). Family is pressuring me to get married, but there are a few things I want to accomplish before tying the knot. (career wise, financially etc)
Is this true? will marrying late decrease my chances of finding true love? my thing is - if you have a life companion - you will need to commit 100% and I feel as if - I can't achieve that with my personal goals by starting a family/marriage.
married couples advice would be helpful or any !
thanks in advance !
Seriously, your family needs to off. Marriage is serious business and if you feel you are gonna go into it half-a*#ed at all, you are not ready. Only you know when it is right. Anyone who does not respect that needs to be confronted and confronted hard.
Seriously, your family needs to off. Marriage is serious business and if you feel you are gonna go into it half-a*#ed at all, you are not ready. Only you know when it is right. Anyone who does not respect that needs to be confronted and confronted hard.
I sort of agree with you. If people are being disrespectful about it - I would certainly tell them it's none of their business but if they are just curious or concerned, I see no reason to confront them about it. Nobody ever pressured me about marriage - but my aunt did pressure me about having children. I just told her we weren't ready and left it at that. Luckily, my parents and my in-laws never pressured us about anything. Although I am worried that my in-laws are going to pressure us about raising our children with religion... We'll see how that goes...
Are you even dating anyone who is a candidate? You can't marry because your family wants you too, you should marry because YOU want to.
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). As a 32yr female, these were all items that I personally couldn't work with. Doesn't mean he was damaged goods, but it did mean finding someone that could work with all of that within his age range (+/- 8 years) was going to be harder for him. 
off. Marriage is serious business and if you feel you are gonna go into it half-a*#ed at all, you are not ready. Only you know when it is right. Anyone who does not respect that needs to be confronted and confronted hard.
