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I’m a 26 year-old single mom of 4 years and started dating a guy 4 months ago. We hit it off from day one and have been going out two or three times a week. He expressed interest in meeting my DS early on in our dating but was totally understanding when I told him I wanted to wait 6 months to a year before I considered that. We've both agreed we're looking for long-term. Things have recently started getting serious and we have done introductions to some of my family (he’s met my sisters who gave the stamp of approval.) My parents know about him and I’ve mentioned him as a “mommy’s friend” to my son. When I asked him if his family knows about me he told me he’s told his grandparents know (who he lives with to help them out currently) of me, his mother and his older sister. (his parents are separated, his father remarried and has two kids). I'm not so much concerned that he hasn't told his father or step mom, as I am that he’s only told his older sister that I have a kid. I don’t know why this bugs me, but I feel like he’s hiding things from his family or that maybe he’s afraid of how they’ll react. He’s told me there’s nothing I need to worry about but why do I feel like my kid is some secret he’s keeping from his family? (I am three years older then him but I don’t think that’s the issue) Is this an irrational thing to worry about? I'm really happy with him and could see him fitting into our lives but I feel like he's holding back. Any thoughts?
The secrets are ... the secret is kept a thought .. your boyfriend holds somthing ... and discover what is the truth of your relationship...
Response also with email because I don't understand the functionality of data-city... I?m new...
I think you forgot to add "in my opinion" to the above statement. Many men have gotten involved with single mothers and thrived... so please lets not qualify our personal belief as the gold standard...
If Tele-cat response "It is a bad idea for a man without kids to get involved with a single mother" it's probabily that uoy had one bad experience.... I understand and not convict... but also Percentage have rason... The love have infinity corner...
Response also with email because I don't understand the functionality of data-city... I?m new...
I’m a 26 year-old single mom of 4 years and started dating a guy 4 months ago. We hit it off from day one and have been going out two or three times a week. He expressed interest in meeting you, y DS early on in our dating but was totally understanding when I told him I wanted to wait 6 months to a year before I considered that. We've both agreed we're looking for long-term. Things have recently started getting serious and we have done introductions to some of my family (he’s met my sisters who gave the stamp of approval.) My parents know about him and I’ve mentioned him as a “mommy’s friend” to my son. When I asked him if his family knows about me he told me he’s told his grandparents know (who he lives with to help them out currently) of me, his mother and his older sister. (his parents are separated, his father remarried and has two kids). I'm not so much concerned that he hasn't told his father or step mom, as I am that he’s only told his older sister that I have a kid. I don’t know why this bugs me, but I feel like he’s hiding things from his family or that maybe he’s afraid of how they’ll react. He’s told me there’s nothing I need to worry about but why do I feel like my kid is some secret he’s keeping from his family? (I am three years older then him but I don’t think that’s the issue) Is this an irrational thing to worry about? I'm really happy with him and could see him fitting into our lives but I feel like he's holding back. Any thoughts?
To be honest it's really hard for a childless man to introduce a girlfriend to his parents who is also a single mom. In some cultures that are based on religion but also based on socio economics like the wealthy a man can be frowned upon by family for dating single mom. Again we live in a Western that is accepting and tolerant these days, but for some men out there bringing home a single mom to meet mom my make mom disapprove of you. Hopefully your boyfriends family is tolerant or liberal and accepting that he is in a relationship with a single mom. Me personally I won't date single mons but would make an exception if she only has one child from previous relationship. But I just hope everything works out. Where I live plenty of single mom's go into meaningful relationships with childless men and depending on how liberal boyfriends family is, a girlfriends kid or kids won't be a problem or an issue of responsibility. Everyone wants what's best, but also everyone wants to right to be happy.
To be honest it's really hard for a childless man to introduce a girlfriend to his parents who is also a single mom. In some cultures that are based on religion but also based on socio economics like the wealthy a man can be frowned upon by family for dating single mom. Again we live in a Western that is accepting and tolerant these days, but for some men out there bringing home a single mom to meet mom my make mom disapprove of you. Hopefully your boyfriends family is tolerant or liberal and accepting that he is in a relationship with a single mom. Me personally I won't date single mons but would make an exception if she only has one child from previous relationship. But I just hope everything works out. Where I live plenty of single mom's go into meaningful relationships with childless men and depending on how liberal boyfriends family is, a girlfriends kid or kids won't be a problem or an issue of responsibility. Everyone wants what's best, but also everyone wants to right to be happy.
Never had any issues with meeting someones children from day one. Nothing wrong with single moms dating. I think it's a bigger deal hiding the fact that your seeing someone. Its setting an example that dating is somehow wrong
I agree with the OP. I would not let my son meet a guy for at least 6 months. Dating isn't wrong when you have a child but you don't want a different man in your sons life every couple of months so I think waiting until the relationship is solid is best.
I agree. You guys have essentially the same concerns, you want to wait until your relationship is more solid.
The reality of your situation is that at 23yo, not many ppl will support him getting "serious" about a single mom of a 4yo. At that age, he is barely able to support his own independence. But let me offer a piece of advice that you can share with him, which helped me when I was in his situation. You two just need to focus on how you feel about each other and every else will fall in place. Really, all this cold feet and uncertainty goes away after you know where you heart is. good luck.
This
He's 23 yrs old. Any parent would be concerned about their son in a situation such as this and he probably doesn't want to hear the speech.
I don't believe age should be a factor, some individuals at 20 are more mature than a 30year old. Individuals should be just that. A individual. If he wants to get serious with the OP why should he get judged by his family because of his age?
I don't believe age should be a factor, some individuals at 20 are more mature than a 30year old. Individuals should be just that. A individual. If he wants to get serious with the OP why should he get judged by his family because of his age?
I know you didn't ask an opinion on the 6 month thing, but I wanted to share my experience with you. I don't have children and started dating a divorced man with 2 young boys, ages 4 and 8. We also decided to hold off on me meeting them for 6 months, just to make sure our relationship was solid. In the meantime, he told me lovely stories of their daily "cute kid" escapades, saw the adorable pictures on the wall at his house, and as time went on, I had visions of grandeur meeting them in the future and having fun "family" times and doing fun kid things. (I like kids, just never had them.)
So. We waited the 6 months, and things turned disasterous quickly. I really had no idea what being around little kids for an extended period of time was like. Sure, I had been with friends' kids, but really only saw the part where they behaved! I had not witnessed tantrums and other such things that may or may not be normal kid behavior. The guy, who was a great boyfriend, was actually kind of a lazy parent and his kids' behavior was just reflecting that. I'm not saying this is the case for you, but what I'm saying is, if you still want to wait an entire 6 months (or a year!) and are willing to risk the culture shock your bf may feel, at least don't sugar coat how difficult and challenging parenting can be.
So, my relationship with this guy didn't work out, but I felt stuck in it for a year and a half because I didn't want to "break up with a family." That's my own issue, I know. I could have gotten out sooner when I knew it wasn't going to get any better.
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