Relationship serious problem

[20yrsinBranson]

Originally Posted by Bradi

Hi all, I'm in a relationship that has started 4 years ago, maybe I should mention that this is my first relationship ever and now I'm 23 years old and she is 22. At the moment we have serious problems that we deal with everyday but we just cannot break up. I think I am the problem because I don't find her as attractive as before though she looks quite the same. The next thing is that I am afraid to decide to stay with her forever because I find other girls very attractive and can't imagine myself having sex only with my girlfriend forever(she is waiting for me to make the fonal decision whether I'm staying with her or moving on with my life). I used to love her very much and now Im kind of fond of her and can't decide to break with her, she was for a long time close to me and we had great moments and I consider her as a family member, but i think I love her more as a family member than a girlfriend, There is not much romance and passion. As you see I really need your help because this is
the hardest moment I've ever been in my life(I'm in this crisis for 2 years, never made a decision).. what is your suggestion?

Love has nothing to do with "romance and passion". Love is about respect, honor and building a life together. You will discover, as life goes along, that what starts out as passion and fireworks and "butterflies in your tummy", quickly grows into a quiet feeling of peace and joy. Do not mistake love for sexual attraction or simply a hormonal reaction to reproduce that is in all of us. This is why marriages fail, because the partners are looking for the endorphin rush that goes along with a new relationship and they don't understand that it NEVER, EVER lasts.

But you are too young to settle down with one person, in my opinion.

20yrsinBranson

[NilaJones]

I think I am the problem because I don't find her as attractive as before though she looks quite the same.

I see that some other posters interpreted this line differently from how I did, and that seems to have made a huge difference in their advice.

Did you mean that you no longer want to bang her a dozen times a day but maybe once? If that's the case, it's the normal progression of a relationship and would happen with any partner.

Or did you mean you don't want to at all, or once a month or less? That would indicate an actual problem -- usually it would mean that you are irritated or angry with her for some unresolved issue.

[Dewdroplet76]

Originally Posted by NilaJones

I see that some other posters interpreted this line differently from how I did, and that seems to have made a huge difference in their advice.

Did you mean that you no longer want to bang her a dozen times a day but maybe once? If that's the case, it's the normal progression of a relationship and would happen with any partner.

Or did you mean you don't want to at all, or once a month or less? That would indicate an actual problem -- usually it would mean that you are irritated or angry with her for some unresolved issue.

I don't think it necessarily means that he is irritated or angry with her. For me, that happened when I wasn't in love with the person anymore. I still loved them but I wasn't IN love with them. That's never happened with my husband.