Preferred Age Range

[1orlando]

Originally Posted by DennyCrane

I was asking a woman friend of mine why some women describe themselves as looking younger than their age. She basically confirmed what I suspected, which is that they worry men will exclude them based on their age. She then asked me why so many men prefer younger women, even when the men don't want kids. So it lead to an "interesting" conversation about what women infer about men based on the age range they set. I threw out some hypotheticals and she offered her opinion.

40 year old man, doesn't want kids, looking for women 25-35. Her conclusion: Man doesn't want to accept that he's 40 and thinks being with a younger woman will make him look/feel young.

35 year old man, doesn't want kids, looking for women 25-38. Her conclusion: Man isn't serious about dating anyone over 35, but doesn't want to make it obvious. He'll hold a 38 year old woman to a much higher standard than a 25 year old.

30 year old man, doesn't want kids, looking for woman 30-50. Her conclusion: Man isn't serious about dating women over 40 and just wants to have sex with them.

I told her I thought she was inferring too much and shouldn't be so quick to form a conclusion about someone based on their preferences. But it made me realize that a lot of women might react the same way as her.

So what do you think? What (if anything) can you infer about someone based on their preferred age range, especially as it relates to their own age? So if someone excludes people their own age, what does that tell you about them? Or if someone has a really wide range, do you take that seriously? And do you think some people try to appear more open-minded than they really are?

Believe it or not this is not that uncommon. I personally do not relate to people my age very well and part of that is that I am at a different stage of my life from them even when we are at the same age range. Therefore individual circumstances can definitely affect people's choice of age when choosing who they date.

[DennyCrane]

Originally Posted by 1orlando

Believe it or not this is not that uncommon. I personally do not relate to people my age very well and part of that is that I am at a different stage of my life from them even when we are at the same age range. Therefore individual circumstances can definitely affect people's choice of age when choosing who they date.

I understand that people don't always relate to the people in their age group. I'm in my late 30s. I don't have kids, don't want kids, and I've never been married. The majority of the people I meet around my age are either already married or divorced and most have kids. It's rare for me to meet someone else my age who's never been married and doesn't have kids. So in that respect, I might have an easier time relating to someone in their 20s who's less likely to have been married and less likely to have kids.

But then I step back and look at what else I might have in common with someone younger. Most people in their 20s are either in school or just graduated. To me, college feels like a previous life, one I barely remember. People in their 20s are at the start of their careers and probably have loads of debt. I've been working for over a decade and paid off my debts a long time ago. Someone in their 20s has lots of energy. They can go out clubbing, drink a lot, eat a lot, party all night, and recover pretty quickly and not worry about gaining weight. That used to be me, but my body won't let me get away with that anymore. Someone in their 20s may not be looking to settle down. Well I've already spent my 20s and 30s in short-term flings. That's not what I'm looking for these days.

My point is not to say a person is necessarily incompatible with someone in a different age group, but to illustrate a point. At first glance, you may think you have little in common with people in your age group. But upon further reflection, you may discover you have more in common than you realized. I could meet a single 30something divorcee with kids. I can't relate to her as far as being a parent or knowing what it's like to be divorced. But I can relate in terms of what it's like to be over 35, what it's like to have reached a certain point in your career, what it's like to NOT want more kids, and what it's like to be tending to your parents who've reached retirement age. There's also a certain understanding that comes from having been around for the same amount of time. You don't feel like you to explain certain things cause you know the other person gets it, just by virtue if the fact that they're the same age as you. Maybe if you're just looking for a fling, none of that matters. But serious relationships tend to work better if both people feel a deep connection, something that I think is harder to forge when you're at different stages and have had very different life experiences.

[Futurist110]

For a trans-woman, about my age or so. For a cis-woman, I guess age 65+.