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Old 09-02-2013, 01:51 PM
 
Location: NoVA
832 posts, read 1,410,887 times
Reputation: 1637

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Not really. There's no gold to be had, I just couldn't think of another phrase to capture what I mean.

I'm a female making a decent wage. In this economy, a decent wage is a great wage. I'm sensitive to that, I've been blessed and I'm grateful.

I live in the DC area, and it's not like the men around here are schlumps. They're not. It's just that on CD, I see a lot of men complaining that the females in this town are fat, ugly, conceited, think they're saving the world, looking for an underwear model etc etc. To some extent, I guess it's reasonable for them to feel this way. The females in this town tend to be career oriented and don't really want to mess around with a schlump.

But I don't think this is unique to DC. I think that any female who has invested a lot into herself would like an equally as hard working partner. Most women would have no problem dating a plumber. But they would probably have a problem dating a plumber who relied on craigslist ads once a week instead of one who worked for Rotor Rooter and showed persistence and enjoyment in their career.

And yet, the average female is somehow "bad" for not taking the craigslist plumber out on a date. If the internet is to be believed.

For me, I'm finding the men that I'm interested in, are not interested in me for being me. They're interested in me for being a breadwinner.

I can get them the health insurance their job doesn't offer, I won't ever be unemployed, I have the good retirement plan their job doesn't offer, and I make a wage that allows me a certain life style. Basically, all the things a female used to look for in a male partner, years ago. It's gotten me a bit rattled to be honest. And I don't really like it. It's made me weary of men who are not in a similar line of work. [Men in my line of work are all about career issues, so they're a whole other breed as to what they're after. ]

Please don't misunderstand me. I'm not rich by any stretch of the imagination and I've got my own monetary issues. But in this economy, anyone making a decent wage with decent benefits is "rich" when you consider the average living wage in the US anymore.

I'm not sure if it's the economy that's made it this way, or if this is the result of feminism, or something else that has to do with living in an area where so many people are focused on their career. Because no matter how much I earn or how hard I've worked, I'm still just a girl. Just because I can do it on my own, doesn't mean I want to.

I was wondering if there are other females out there who are feeling the male pinch this way? If I'm not the only one feeling this way, could it be that's what creates the uptight and unapproachable female that the men on the internet complain about?

And if I'm the only one feeling this way...

Well then so be it.
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Old 09-02-2013, 02:05 PM
 
15,013 posts, read 21,558,218 times
Reputation: 12334
You can attempt to change roles (to varying degrees and success rates) but you still can't change your gender.
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Old 09-03-2013, 08:12 PM
 
4,217 posts, read 7,275,762 times
Reputation: 5372
I want/prefer to be a female breadwinner. I also live in DC.
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Old 09-03-2013, 10:44 PM
 
3,199 posts, read 7,790,136 times
Reputation: 2519
I have always felt that the man I dated does not have to be wealthy but does have to be productive and employed. Unless he was a stay at home dad I don't want to have the pressure to take care or help someone else financially wise. In this day and age women make more then men and I don't see an issue with that as long as both are productive if that makes sense. I do know a women who is a lawyer and her husband has barely worked their entire marriage. They don't have children. She seems fine with supporting him. I find it odd but would never say that to them. I know some women don't work and don't have kids so it is probably sexist for me to think it is more odd for a man in that position. I actually think both men and women even if they don't need to be employed should do something productive whether volunteer or a part time job.
OP can you try t focus on what you feel is best for you?
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Old 09-03-2013, 11:12 PM
 
96 posts, read 148,171 times
Reputation: 67
I have a friend that was making approx 40k a year while his wife made about the same.

She was in the right place at the right time and her boss got fired.

She went from about 40k to 175k nearly in a week.

He quit his job and is a stay home Dad.

Smart........
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Old 09-03-2013, 11:13 PM
 
4,701 posts, read 4,039,373 times
Reputation: 2483
Quote:
Originally Posted by mrskay662000 View Post
Not really. There's no gold to be had, I just couldn't think of another phrase to capture what I mean.

I'm a female making a decent wage. In this economy, a decent wage is a great wage. I'm sensitive to that, I've been blessed and I'm grateful.

I live in the DC area, and it's not like the men around here are schlumps. They're not. It's just that on CD, I see a lot of men complaining that the females in this town are fat, ugly, conceited, think they're saving the world, looking for an underwear model etc etc. To some extent, I guess it's reasonable for them to feel this way. The females in this town tend to be career oriented and don't really want to mess around with a schlump.
The problem with the DC thinking is that high earning women think they deserve a high earning husband just due to their high income.

The problem is, rich men are not exclusively looking for rich women. That means many rich men are already taken by lower income women, and the ones who are left have plenty of options. Smart rich women do not exclude men who earn less than them.

The women in DC have been taught that if they wait, then Mr. Perfect will knock on their door. Of course due to their too high expectations he will never come and they will end up single.
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Old 09-03-2013, 11:14 PM
 
Location: southern california
61,290 posts, read 87,073,039 times
Reputation: 55549
40% of breadwinners r women
where there is a hottie there is room for rip off
its genderless
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Old 09-03-2013, 11:48 PM
 
7,934 posts, read 8,544,279 times
Reputation: 5889
Quote:
Originally Posted by mrskay662000 View Post

I'm not sure if it's the economy that's made it this way, or if this is the result of feminism, or something else that has to do with living in an area where so many people are focused on their career. Because no matter how much I earn or how hard I've worked, I'm still just a girl. Just because I can do it on my own, doesn't mean I want to.
That's the crux right there. Is it the economy? Feminism? Fast-paced workaholic cities such as DC? Yes, it's all of those things swirling around in the cauldron. But at the end of the day, you're still a woman, and you can't deny that men lesser than you are a turn off at the instinctual/primal level. Rationalize otherwise with higher thinking, but it is what it is. Women are programmed to seek providers. Sure, they can provide for themselves now, but that doesn't give them the warm and fuzzies like when Mr. Big provides. Men who earn less than you or toil away in less glamorous or prestigious lines of work basically pre-disqualify themselves on the provider count. Their only hope is to win the "sexy guy" battle with the other guys...to be the alpha bad boy that transcends money/good provider crap. Not many guys have that though.
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Old 09-04-2013, 12:37 AM
 
Location: Chicago
3,391 posts, read 4,462,322 times
Reputation: 7856
Quote:
Originally Posted by mrskay662000 View Post
Not really. There's no gold to be had, I just couldn't think of another phrase to capture what I mean.

I'm a female making a decent wage. In this economy, a decent wage is a great wage. I'm sensitive to that, I've been blessed and I'm grateful.

I live in the DC area, and it's not like the men around here are schlumps. They're not. It's just that on CD, I see a lot of men complaining that the females in this town are fat, ugly, conceited, think they're saving the world, looking for an underwear model etc etc. To some extent, I guess it's reasonable for them to feel this way. The females in this town tend to be career oriented and don't really want to mess around with a schlump.

But I don't think this is unique to DC. I think that any female who has invested a lot into herself would like an equally as hard working partner. Most women would have no problem dating a plumber. But they would probably have a problem dating a plumber who relied on craigslist ads once a week instead of one who worked for Rotor Rooter and showed persistence and enjoyment in their career.

And yet, the average female is somehow "bad" for not taking the craigslist plumber out on a date. If the internet is to be believed.

For me, I'm finding the men that I'm interested in, are not interested in me for being me. They're interested in me for being a breadwinner.

I can get them the health insurance their job doesn't offer, I won't ever be unemployed, I have the good retirement plan their job doesn't offer, and I make a wage that allows me a certain life style. Basically, all the things a female used to look for in a male partner, years ago. It's gotten me a bit rattled to be honest. And I don't really like it. It's made me weary of men who are not in a similar line of work. [Men in my line of work are all about career issues, so they're a whole other breed as to what they're after. ]

Please don't misunderstand me. I'm not rich by any stretch of the imagination and I've got my own monetary issues. But in this economy, anyone making a decent wage with decent benefits is "rich" when you consider the average living wage in the US anymore.

I'm not sure if it's the economy that's made it this way, or if this is the result of feminism, or something else that has to do with living in an area where so many people are focused on their career. Because no matter how much I earn or how hard I've worked, I'm still just a girl. Just because I can do it on my own, doesn't mean I want to.

I was wondering if there are other females out there who are feeling the male pinch this way? If I'm not the only one feeling this way, could it be that's what creates the uptight and unapproachable female that the men on the internet complain about?

And if I'm the only one feeling this way...

Well then so be it.
The fact is almost nobody, male or female, dates across class lines. At least, not seriously. And I think the higher one looks on the income ladder, the more rigid the class lines are drawn. No one likes to admit this, but most people want a partner who whose income will enhance their own standard of living. Economics is a huge, albeit rarely spoken, consideration when people are choosing long-term partners.
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Old 09-04-2013, 01:01 AM
 
947 posts, read 1,181,664 times
Reputation: 1397
Quote:
Originally Posted by mrskay662000 View Post
I'm not sure if it's the economy that's made it this way, or if this is the result of feminism, or something else that has to do with living in an area where so many people are focused on their career. Because no matter how much I earn or how hard I've worked, I'm still just a girl. Just because I can do it on my own, doesn't mean I want to.
Feminism is mostly about choice, you don't have to if you don't want to
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