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My ex disappeared (willfully) during divorce proceedings. He refused to make court ordered payments on the house, to me and to joint bills. He just up and left the state (NJ) with his girlfriend and child to CA.
He was ordered to make the payments because I was severely ill and could not work. He was aware of my illness, which is one of the reasons he decided he wanted a divorce. (I can't have kids)
We were married for 20 years. My lawyer filed all the appropriate paperwork and the courts eventually did a default divorce. I was given power of attorney over everything as well as alimony with garnishment and a money judgment against him for approx. 90k.
He cashed out the IRA/401k and took off determined not to give me a cent. The house was in foreclosure and I had to pay $1200 to get rid of the house once it sold.
I hired a PI and since I knew his girlfriends name, he was able to find him in CA and I found out where he worked snooping through his Facebook friends. As soon as I got the garnishment enforced, he quit the job.
He has 2 bench warrants out for his arrest in NJ, one for direct violation of court order to pay support and the other is for failure to show up in court. I called the sheriffs office and they told me that they are not extraditable warrants, nothing I can do if he is out of NJ.
He uses his sister's address in NJ for all his mail, taxes, etc. He has not responded to any requests from my lawyer or his. His lawyer actually stood in front of the judge and asked to be removed as his lawyer. The lawyer was fed up with him, he didn't even show up at the final divorce hearing.
Since there are no children, the probation department refuses to help me locate him. They state that it is my responsibility to update with his address and work info.
Since he refused to pay his half of the debts we had and I had to use my credit cards to pay the lawyer, I was forced to file bankruptcy. It was recently discharged and I am clear of all debts.
What can I do on my own to locate him or his job? I've tried all the online searches & his friends tightened up their FB security. Can I find out if he has a CA driver's license?
Can I subpoena his sister for the info? Social Security Administration? IRS?
How do I get the money judgment into collections so it shows up on his credit report?
I have no money to spend on lawyers, although my first one got me a terrific settlement it cost me almost 50k to get rid of him. Should I hire a PI in California? Nothing is in his name, he lives with other people.
If I cannot locate him, can I have his social security garnished once he draws on it?
I am at a loss on what to do. Any ideas would be welcomed.
(Sorry if this is in the wrong forum, it seemed to be the most appropriate.)
Is it worth it to continue pursuing him? This guy is hellbent on not paying you, running across the country and quitting job to avoid giving you anything. If you find him using a PI, if you get another judgment against him, I don't see him paying up. I think he will drop out of society yet again and then you will have to fight him again from scratch. this is not a man who cares about his credit report. At what point does it make sense to accept the loss and move on?
I wasn't sure where to post this since it was about divorce. I've googled until my fingers hurt. There is no definite answer to anything I need to know. When I have some money available, I will look into a new lawyer.
The judge was not happy about his behavior. I was given everything I asked for and beyond. All he has to do is be reasonable and work with me for a payment plan but his attitude is - if I ignore her, she will go away. I am not going away.
Whatever your motive, it doesn't look like you'll gain anything from your quest. Think about how you can break free from your emotional dependence upon him.
You'll find him eventually, but so what? He has already proven he will quit his job to avoid paying you.
Even if he shows up in NJ and is thrown in jail, what good will that do? You can't get blood from a turnip, and I'm sure the 401K money is either gone or hidden.
If you push him hard enough, he'll just leave the country. Good luck finding him then.
Let this be a lesson to others who think alimony is some kind of guarantee. IT ISN'T. You are much better off negotiating a cash settlement than getting alimony, especially if you think the person ordered to pay is going to bail like your ex did.
This happens much more often that your lawyer will admit, because they want to get the maximum billable hours out of you during the divorce, and they know if you get alimony and the payer bails, they'll get even MORE money from you. If you get a cash settlement, the game is over and they must move on to their next victim.
I think you need to completely drop the notion you're going to get anything out of finding your deadbeat ex.
I was in a horrible relationship with physical violence. I left and went to another country with nothing but a small suitcase of clothes. I left everything and had to start all over again at the age of 40. Now, 10 years later I have everything once again, a house, 2 cars, furniture, retirement savings, etc.
It was worth it for my peace of mind. As hard as it is there comes a time when you have to just put it all behind and say to yourself, "I will choose more wisely next time around" and "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger and more determined to live a life of joy and happiness".
It's a tough road but it's better than holding on to this heartless, cruel and selfish ass of a man.
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