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Old 09-04-2013, 07:03 AM
 
415 posts, read 598,498 times
Reputation: 440

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Quote:
Originally Posted by augiedogie View Post
My guess is that you stay because of your own insecurity and his money.
We have a winner!
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Old 09-04-2013, 07:06 AM
 
15,013 posts, read 21,586,603 times
Reputation: 12334
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pena View Post
I have been with my fella for nearly a decade. We get along great and love each other very much, however we have never had much of a sex life.

I am a very sexual person but he almost tries to make me feel ashamed about it rather than encourage me. He will make remarks if I'm wearing something that he thinks is too revealing and makes fun of my tummy, which is a little flabby.

I enjoy being with him but I miss sex and have no desire for it with him. He doesn't make me feel wanted physically in any way. I am not attracted to him. I am not sure I ever have been. I enjoy companionship and I have a tendancy to be dependant on others for my happiness. I know how unfair that is on all parties.

That's not to say I haven't tried - the last time I tried to kiss him passionately he pulled away and laughed like I was being silly.

He is my best friend and I'm scared to lose him, but I can't go on like this. Every year I promise myself THIS will be THE YEAR I end it, but it never happens. My 20’s are already gone and I am 31 now. I don’t want to wake up at 50 one day and realise I’ve wasted my life on a passionless relationship.


Please help.
Wow. I don't know what advice to give you. Just curious, does he call you his girlfriend or wife? Are you sure he doesn't think of you as just a friend and you are not mistaken about being a couple? Just asking because he thought you were silly for trying to kiss him.

Quote:
Originally Posted by augiedogie View Post
My guess is that you stay because of your own insecurity and his money.
Why does he stay? I am curious about that too.
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Old 09-04-2013, 07:29 AM
 
Location: San Antonio, TX
702 posts, read 724,199 times
Reputation: 932
If you aren't happy then leave. Don't settle. There are billions of people on the planet and half of them are men.

Quote:
Originally Posted by 9052BK-AFO-II-AUTO View Post
I'm sorry honey.

I'd make you feel like a million dollars everyday.

You're playing with the wrong man.........

Us other guys would find the time to take care of BOTH of our needs.
Woah there tiger, let's take it down a few notches.
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Old 09-04-2013, 07:40 AM
 
415 posts, read 598,498 times
Reputation: 440
Quote:
Originally Posted by srjth View Post
Why does he stay? I am curious about that too.
Because he has a sexually adventurous wife 17 yrs. his junior.
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Old 09-04-2013, 07:51 AM
 
Location: The Hall of Justice
25,901 posts, read 42,587,789 times
Reputation: 42767
You know what's making you stay, you knew it in December.

http://www.city-data.com/forum/27241027-post50.html

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pena View Post
Well, now comes the hard part… something I have realised recently but still find hard to admit to myself.

I don’t think I ever was attracted to him.

When we met I was going through a very rough time with an ex boyfriend who couldn’t come to terms with our breakup. The ex boyfriend turned everyone against me. Police were involved. I was drunk and depressed every night. It was awful.

He was pretty much the only person on my “side” and we became very close. Before I knew it our relationship had become physical and next thing I knew I had moved in with him. It all happened just like that - SO quickly, it’s a total blur. I was swept up in the excitement of dating a sweet, wise older man – one that EVERYONE loved on MY arm - after years of dealing with BOYS.

Even in the beginning although quite enjoyable once we got going, the sex also felt forced - almost like rather than doing it with him because I wanted to, I was doing it because I felt indebted to him for all he’d done for me during the difficult times. I know, I know, this sounds sick and it’s not fair on either of us.

]8 years later, here I still am. I love his companionship when things are good… but that’s pretty much it. I have changed completely and so has he – but not in a good way. If we didn’t live together I probably would have ended it a long time ago. The thought of having to pack all my stuff up in front of him (and I have a LOT of it) and find a new place to live, leaving him renting on his own at 50 years old, makes me feel sick.

I know it’s all very confusing – first I say I’m not attracted to him anymore, then I say I never was…. I don’t know. It’s been so long since we’ve had a healthy sex life that I can’t even work out what I feel anymore.
You don't leave because you feel obligated and because you don't want to face the repercussions. It sounds like nothing has changed. It's a tough position to be in. It seems pretty clear why your relationship is sexless: you're not attracted to him and suspect you never were. Why would he foist his desires on an unwilling partner? No wonder he's fat and depressed.
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Old 09-04-2013, 07:56 AM
 
Location: Northern Wisconsin
10,379 posts, read 10,860,325 times
Reputation: 18712
srjth: Why does he stay? Its simple, he wants a companion, maybe someone to cook or do other chores for him. Best as I can tell, I have a bil and fil that are like this. Not much interested in sex at all. Hunting and fishing, sports, work business etc yes, sex? NO.
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Old 09-04-2013, 07:59 AM
 
Location: Illinois
4,751 posts, read 5,415,409 times
Reputation: 12999
Sister, it's time to go. Don't waste any more of your time and your life. A man who truly cares about you and values you as a person is not going to make fun of your body, diminish your needs, or push you away. If you can do it in a way that you can remain friends, great, but the time to go is NOW.

Also, is there a possibility that he is gay and you are his "cover?"
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Old 09-04-2013, 09:32 AM
 
Location: State of Transition
102,086 posts, read 107,163,173 times
Reputation: 115880
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pena View Post
There is over 17 years age difference between us. Sometimes I feel like he says those things because he is insecure and because he wants
to make me have no confidence...
You hit the nail on the head. He says those things in order to control and manipulate you. He's a jerk. Someone who treats you that way can't possibly fall under the heading of "best friend". That's not how friends treat each other. Time to move on.
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Old 09-04-2013, 10:24 AM
 
Location: The Hall of Justice
25,901 posts, read 42,587,789 times
Reputation: 42767
Oh good grief. In December the OP portrays him as a rescuer and "pretty much the only person on my side," and now he is a cruel jerk. He's her best friend and she's afraid to lose him, but he belittles her and treats her badly. She doesn't desire him and never did, but he's the one who pushes away her passionate advances.

One-sided hot mess.
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Old 09-04-2013, 05:00 PM
 
3,549 posts, read 5,358,961 times
Reputation: 3769
Quote:
Originally Posted by 9052BK-AFO-II-AUTO View Post
I'm sorry honey.

I'd make you feel like a million dollars everyday.

You're playing with the wrong man.........

Us other guys would find the time to take care of BOTH of our needs.
Dude quit looking like a desparate fool to a stranger on the internet you know virtually nothing about. It's sickening.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I317 using Tapatalk 2
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