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This just might be personal differences. For me, I don't want to have sex with anyone until I feel like I know them well. For you (and others) it sounds like you feel like you can't know them well unless you have sex.
I feel like a lot of men want to get the sex out of the way to figure out the compatibility in that regard, which makes sense. And honestly for me, I now prefer it within 5 dates or within a month just cause sexual compatibility is very important to me too and I refuse to get into a relationship unless I'm enjoying myself there as well as everything else.
I feel like a lot of men want to get the sex out of the way to figure out the compatibility in that regard, which makes sense. And honestly for me, I now prefer it within 5 dates or within a month just cause sexual compatibility is very important to me too and I refuse to get into a relationship unless I'm enjoying myself there as well as everything else.
Sexual compatibility is huge, don't get me wrong, but yeah, there are guys who say that if they haven't had sex by the second date he's walking away because it's a waste of time. For me personally, two dates isn't enough to know if I want to let someone in (NPI.)
Sexual compatibility is huge, don't get me wrong, but yeah, there are guys who say that if they haven't had sex by the second date he's walking away because it's a waste of time. For me personally, two dates isn't enough to know if I want to let someone in (NPI.)
It's been a long time since I dated, but from what I remember, if you are strongly attracted to someone who is partner material, then go at it. My DH and I "did it" a few days before our official first date, and we've been together for 34 years.
If you are looking for recreation only, then go at it.
If you have sex with someone who is not really into you, he will be glad to accommodate, but don't be disappointed when nothing comes of it, and don't think having sex with him will make him change his mind about you.
Sexual compatibility is huge, don't get me wrong, but yeah, there are guys who say that if they haven't had sex by the second date he's walking away because it's a waste of time. For me personally, two dates isn't enough to know if I want to let someone in (NPI.)
oh ya, sexual compatibility is a big deal to me but I also have to like the guy. 2 dates is too soon, I agree! I think by 5 ish dates, you have a little more of an idea of who the person is enough to be alright with discovering that compatibility.
Maybe in your world, but not in mine. I've had ONS turn into multi-year relationships. Come to think of it, for every LTR, and even my marriage, we got to it within the first three or four dates. Once it drags out to a month, then I start wondering if the guy is a "non-operative."
Not for nothing, but I've also thrown a few guys back after getting busy once or twice early on and deciding that they turned me off. There have also been a few times when I did wait a month or so and when it finally happened, thought, "Not worth the wait."
I love being in my 40s. This kind of thing just isn't much of a problem beyond one's early 20s--or shouldn't be.
I dunno, I never worried about it until being in my 40s.
When I was younger, I always have sex within the first few weeks / first 5 or 6 dates. And I have never had a guy dump me after. We were always together for a least a few years.
But I do think that maybe having sex soon led to bonding and committing too soon, for both of us. Before we really knew each other.
But then I think, if I wait, and we turn out to be sexually incompatible, will I be too emotionally invested anyway? Is that really just a function of time? I don't want to fall in love with someone, get all attached, have our friends think of us as a couple -- and then discover the sex is 'meh'.
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Originally Posted by TheHurricaneKid
But what's wrong with not having great sex? Experience can be acquired in one relationship, can it? Or do you find it not worth your while?
Sexual compatibility, for me anyway, has nothing to do with experience, and little to do with openmindedness.
It mainly has to do with physicalitity, embodiment -- and also stuff like odors, how much you sweat, internal rhythms, social constructs of what sex should look like. All stuff that is either biologically unchangeable or would take 10 years or more to learn.
bleh i just deleted my original reply, totally misread the question. derp. need more coffee
i don't have a "it's too early" or think some gal's a slor if she sexes me up on date one. so in that way it doesn't matter to me. i know it does matter to a lot of people
it does matter in that i won't wait around for a gal who wants to knit sweaters for months while she thinks about when to eff me. but that's just a compatibility issue, not a moral issue
SOMETIMES two people are so attracted to one another that it will only enhance the newfound relationship.
But in general, I think having sex before you've really taken the time to get to know someone is pretty risky.
Now, some take the risk and it pays off just fine.
Others take the risk and get burned if they were hoping for a real relationship to develop.
People need to learn how to trust their gut instincts, to fine tune them, so that they can make the best choices for themselves when it comes to trusting others.
I agree with this post (reps given).
I'm a guy, and I am very sex-positive. I've had sex on the first or second or third date on a number of occasions, HOWEVER I do believe that in MOST LTR's, waiting is a good idea. Does not apply to everyone, but it does to me. The reason is that many people really make a lot of effort getting to know each other early on, and by having sex too early, that gets impacted in ways that are difficult to explain.
Again, each person is an individual, so one size does not fit all, but I'm willing to wait for someone that I think has some LTR potential (hell, I'm willing to wait for anyone, I'm not "just" out to get laid), but if it's more of a casual thing, then I'm likely going to lobby for earlier sex.
None of this applies to men. It's not a poker game with us like it is with women. From a men's perspective, if she want's to shag = likes me in the "right way" and is attracted to me. No sex within the first 3 dates = probably wasting your time/playing games/not worth it anyway = dump!
Suit yourself. To me, early sex means just playing around for fun. If I am serious, I really want to know the man first and know that we are a good match/solid before sex clouds judgement. It's not a poker game or any kind of game any more than getting to know a person more than a few hours before you give them keys to your house (as an analogy).
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