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Old 09-09-2013, 05:38 PM
 
Location: Lemon Heights, Orange County, CA
805 posts, read 1,555,852 times
Reputation: 1303

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Quote:
Originally Posted by halfamazing View Post
This is not an attempt to undermine you or personally attack you.

Shut it down.... turn off your computer and just walk away if you insist on being in denial or accept the advice that any reasonable and or prudent person reading your "cry for help" would lend.

I won't undermine your efforts or your willingness to assist him in this matter as you may be no different the he (in the world of fantasy). I understand the place of which you are coming from and it is a place of darkness, insecurity, thrill, excitement, and disorder. Had not it been for the potential physical abuse or chaotic behavior he employed, you too would have probably indulged in or took part in his fantasies. Some people like the thrill. Some people like it rough. That is about the extent of "open-minded" you will get.

But forget all of that- let us cut through all the wax and get to the core of things. It's not about what could have been a healthy, yet exciting relationship, it's about your attempt to deviate from reality...

Perception of Denial by any reasonable and or prudent person reading your OP:

You knowingly and willingly reunited with him despite his issues.
You knowingly and willingly came on here to express your issues fully knowing the responses you would receive
You respond with such confidence writing "nope" when asked about his sexual activity with others as if you are protecting him.
You state that he knows everything about you as if you have no other choice.
You are seeking advice regarding our experiences in dealing with sexual addictions in hopes that we can guide you (while deliberately denying the fact that he has issues far greater than his addiction)
You confidently and proudly give praise to executive status in order to justify what?
You chose not see anyone because you knew he was in love with you as if you were protecting him.
You got back together after 1.5 years but still continued to protect his feelings by not moving on.
You reject his attempts to force intimacy upon you yet, you still insist on giving praise to his attractiveness- again protecting him while in the state of denial.
You feel terrible that you rejected him and despite his history (it was your first time rejecting him- really?)
You are at your wit's end but you know that he loves you very much (again protecting him)
You received a call from his PA (you are not even married- let alone living together as a family)

You have an appointment with his psychiatrist.... again; you are protecting him hoping that he will get better ( not only for his sake but for the sake of possibly of "working things out" because "you love him, he knows everything about you, his is generous, he loves you", etc...

Again, you are hoping for something by trying to understand the process of his condition.

You really need to stop seeking medical advice and leave it to the professional. You will do regardless of what we tell you as it seems you came here just to justify your actions with the hopes of someone can provide you assistance and deep down inside you can make it all go away and you live happily ever after... But, since you are in denial, you will try to counter every sentence and or try to give an explanation or attempt to correct my point of view in order for me to re-arrange my thinking and align it with yours so that you can be justified in your own train of thought and doings..

(response to your- "I don't want to get back with him, I just want to help him as I have known him a long time and we have history" ) Well, if you really do care about him, leave the process to the professionals and be there as a friend for a distance but it is not your job to figure things out...

This x 1000. OP you need to read this post over and over.
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Old 09-09-2013, 06:02 PM
 
Location: a primitive state
11,380 posts, read 24,388,060 times
Reputation: 17418
Grad school. Move away. Find a good job and a better boyfriend.

You can't rescue him. No point trying. He will survive better without your help than with it.
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Old 09-09-2013, 06:11 PM
 
Location: South Carolina
14,785 posts, read 24,019,525 times
Reputation: 27092
I must say I am in the leave him alone camp as well . 17 yrs ago I had a physco ex husband and he did nothing but my turn my life inside out and made me dissapear and I had to leave a beautiful man that was totally in love with me . I knew in my heart that I had to disapear or that beautiful man would be dead . I saved his life and mine by leaving . That is a regret that I will live with for the rest of my days . get away from this physco and do yourself a favor .
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Old 09-09-2013, 07:17 PM
 
Location: Middle of the valley
48,436 posts, read 34,636,835 times
Reputation: 73585
Look at it this way.... the two of you are not sexually compatible. The things he is into, you are not.

You can't change that, it will always be that way.
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Old 09-09-2013, 07:24 PM
 
12,585 posts, read 16,914,439 times
Reputation: 15256
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nallia1 View Post
Please try to read this with an open mind as the situation is pretty unorthodox.

So my boyfriend, (let's call him Dominic) and I have been together since I was 18. He was 10 years older and my family was initially very opposed to me dating him because of the age difference and because he was more experienced than your typical 28 year old male. It later became clear to me that he was a closet sexual deviant. Anyway, we dated for 3 years and things were very good until I decided to go to grad school which was literally on the other side of the country. Needless to say, he wasn't happy about my decision and froze me out for about a month. He then returned but I noticed that something seemed different about him (when we were intimate, he was rougher and would do things like smack me or choke me which he never did before) but I foolishly convinced myself that he just had difficulty dealing with the situation. I later found out that he was back to viewing pornography, only this time he was binging and was now into more hardcore stuff like M-to-F transsexuals and gang bang-type/BDSM porn. His family asked me to step in because he was neglecting his work and life (he is a successful venture capitalist and also executive of his family's real estate business, but had been absent for weeks). At the time, I was on the west coast but flew in to convince him to get help and he went into rehab for sexual addiction.

When he finished his treatment, he was back to the old Dom and would visit me at least twice a month for a few days at a time. However, early last year I noticed that he started pulling away and starting unnecessary fights with me. With his history of requiring a lot of regular attention, I knew that I could not give him what he wanted. So, we took a break; though I chose not to see anyone else because I knew that he was in love with me and didn't want to tip him over the edge if he found out. Anyway, I returned to the DMV a few weeks ago and he started talking about getting back together. He'd been "clean" for ~1.5 years and was following up with a psychiatrist regularly. Because I still have feelings for him, I agreed to work on getting back together. I began to rethink this decision when he tried to force the issue of intimacy two nights ago. Please don't get me wrong, he is a ridiculously attractive man and knows pretty much everything there is to know about me...but for some reason, I just didn't feel ready. Afterwards, I felt so terrible because it was the first time I had rejected him and he'd been dropping hints all night about how much he was looking forward to being with me again.

The next thing I know, his PA calls me this morning saying they haven't seen him at the office and he has important accounts that need his urgent attention. When I called his best friend, I was told that he's in NY on business...which I know to mean that he's out of circulation doing heaven knows what.

I am at my wit's end wondering what to do about the situation but cannot talk to anyone in my inner circle because they all believe that he walks on water and I don't want to disillusion them. I know that he loves me very much and is a great guy all around but his escalating addiction to porn/sex is very concerning to me as he is not himself when he relapses.

I have an appointment to see his psychiatrist for advice on Friday but I was wondering if anyone has been in a similar situation or has advice for me.

Thanks.
Thank your lucky stars you are not married to him.

Move on. He's going to be nothing but heartache for you.
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Old 09-09-2013, 08:21 PM
 
809 posts, read 1,270,863 times
Reputation: 1432
All of this because the guy sees some porn


I feel like I'm taking CRAZY PILLS - YouTube
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Old 09-09-2013, 08:41 PM
 
15,013 posts, read 21,608,099 times
Reputation: 12334
Maybe you're addicted to him.
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Old 09-09-2013, 11:04 PM
 
Location: My House
34,937 posts, read 36,167,969 times
Reputation: 26547


That's all I'm gonna say.
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Old 09-09-2013, 11:21 PM
 
Location: USA
30,745 posts, read 21,881,415 times
Reputation: 18927
Quote:
Originally Posted by phonelady61 View Post
I must say I am in the leave him alone camp as well . 17 yrs ago I had a physco ex husband and he did nothing but my turn my life inside out and made me dissapear and I had to leave a beautiful man that was totally in love with me . I knew in my heart that I had to disapear or that beautiful man would be dead . I saved his life and mine by leaving . That is a regret that I will live with for the rest of my days . get away from this physco and do yourself a favor .
Where is this man that was in love with you now! Go track him down!
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Old 09-09-2013, 11:38 PM
 
6,732 posts, read 9,977,037 times
Reputation: 6848
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wuss in Boots View Post
All of this because the guy sees some porn
Nope. Try re-reading the OP.
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