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I guess I don't understand putting the cart before the horse here. What gives with this mindset of, "Dunno if I want to marry this person, but hey, I'll have a kid with them."
This isn't being narrow-minded; this is thinking about the best long-term interest of the child. If Daddy (in this case) knew or had doubts about being with Mommy for life, why for the love of all things practical and sane would Daddy tether himself to this woman in a way that's far more binding than any marriage ever will be?
It doesn't seem to make much sense does it?
I'm not saying we should go backwards to a time of shaming and ostracizing unwed mothers and fathers, but at least back in those days the majority of people were motivated by the fear of society's views enough to wait until they were married and in a stable situation to have kids.
Research has proven that kids do better in life overall when they come from stable homes with committed, emotionally healthy parents who were prepared to have them in the first place.
Not criticizing our OP, who does seem to be at least working hard to do the best for his family, unlike a lot of young men in his situation.
Current birth trends are changing the fabric of American life, and not in a good way.
It's not politically correct to talk about it, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't.
We see the consequences of these trends here on this very forum far too often -
young men in particular who show up whining and complaining about all manner of things, but mostly because they can't get a date or they can't seem to keep a relationship going. Heck, some of them don't even know how to approach a woman, much less have a conversation with one!
They have no clue how to conduct themselves like men, all because Mom either believed Dads are disposable and unnecessary, or Dad didn't have much of a father himself and he figures he "did okay" so he has relinquished any responsibility he should feel for his own child.
At this point, I'm not sure this trend can be reversed. But if it isn't, we will all suffer the consequences for generations to come.
And obviously they give zero thought to whether or not they want to be with the father or mother of the child for a lifetime first. Talk about giving the poor kid a distinct disadvantage right out of the birth canal ...
marriage isn't for you, not right now, anyways, imo
100% agree. Marriage is not for the OP. There is nothing wrong with that. I repeat: there is nothing wrong with that. You can still marry your chick but that does not automatically mean your child will grow up better than having a common-law wife. There are many people whose parents never divorced, who nevertheless grew up weird. Besides, the divorce rate is high. You can marry your chick but she could end up divorcing you anyway (don't forget, women are usually the ones who call for divorce most in this country even though they are the biggest advocates of marriage). So won't it be a waste to marry her out of obligation only to divorce her later on?
So you and your daughter's mother have an open relationship and she has no problem with your being involved with other people, but now she wants to be married and sexually exclusive? I want to be sure I am following. Is she also seeing other people, or is that just you?
This is my POV also.
The OP already has an open relationship. What would marriage add to the situation in a day where SOs and alternative relationships are becoming common. Personally, I like the idea of a conventional marriage for myself, but like any other alternative relationship between consenting adults, its their right.
The OP already has an open relationship. What would marriage add to the situation in a day where SOs and alternative relationships are becoming common. Personally, I like the idea of a conventional marriage for myself, but like any other alternative relationship between consenting adults, its their right.
Marriage comes with social and financial benefits. Mindsets change too. Lots of people talk about settling down after having some fun; maybe she's tired of the lifestyle. I couldn't tell if the open relationship was mutual though. The OP says they have been together off and on, so this could just be a case of telling him to fish or cut bait.
The OP already has an open relationship. What would marriage add to the situation in a day where SOs and alternative relationships are becoming common. Personally, I like the idea of a conventional marriage for myself, but like any other alternative relationship between consenting adults, its their right.
Honestly, I don't think she ever held up her end of the bargain with the open part, at least not that I could tell. Perhaps she did or perhaps she didn't. I know at first she brought another woman into our situation, but that's all I know, and even that was only at the very beginning.
She knew what she was getting into. I made it perfectly clear that I had never been good at the relationship thing and love having my freedom. She's a great person though and probably the best friend I've ever had, so I know if I were to marry anyone, it would be her.
I'm just going to move us all into a new apartment and try this exclusive thing out for a year. It may work or it may not but I'm sure as hell going to give it my all. Wish me luck everyone and thanks for your words.
Honestly, I don't think she ever held up her end of the bargain with the open part, at least not that I could tell. Perhaps she did or perhaps she didn't. I know at first she brought another woman into our situation, but that's all I know, and even that was only at the very beginning.
She knew what she was getting into. I made it perfectly clear that I had never been good at the relationship thing and love having my freedom. She's a great person though and probably the best friend I've ever had, so I know if I were to marry anyone, it would be her.
I'm just going to move us all into a new apartment and try this exclusive thing out for a year. It may work or it may not but I'm sure as hell going to give it my all. Wish me luck everyone and thanks for your words.
Honestly, I don't think she ever held up her end of the bargain with the open part, at least not that I could tell. Perhaps she did or perhaps she didn't. I know at first she brought another woman into our situation, but that's all I know, and even that was only at the very beginning.
She knew what she was getting into. I made it perfectly clear that I had never been good at the relationship thing and love having my freedom. She's a great person though and probably the best friend I've ever had, so I know if I were to marry anyone, it would be her.
I'm just going to move us all into a new apartment and try this exclusive thing out for a year. It may work or it may not but I'm sure as hell going to give it my all. Wish me luck everyone and thanks for your words.
"She knew what she was getting into. I made it perfectly clear"
If that is the case, you have done all you can do. Shes a consenting adult and you were honest.
"I'm just going to move us all into a new apartment and try this exclusive thing out for a year."
Keep it honest and the lines of communication open and your chances of success will be as good as they can be under the circumstances.
I know a couple that is in a similar situation. They are common law, have two kids, and have an open relationship. From what I can tell the only issues they have are financial, but nothing related to their open relationship.
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