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Old 09-10-2013, 08:15 PM
 
12 posts, read 31,017 times
Reputation: 48

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I am 42 years old and have been dating a 54 year old man for 3 years. About 3 weeks ago he started talking about swinging but made it sound like it was just a joke. I will start from the beginning. He has very low libido and is experiencing erectile disfunction. I know that he takes viagra but not because he told me but I snooped around and found the blue tablets in his shaving kit. I was waiting for him to talk to me about the problems he is facing but to this day he hasn't said anything to me. I understand because he probably feels emasculated by these changes in his life. I have stuck by him and been the understanding girlfriend. My feeling is that a relationship is not measured by how many orgasms your partner can give you.

Anyhow he once complained that our sex life was dying and that he felt I was slipping away. The reason why that happened is because I stopped pushing for sex because I noticed he couldn't perform spontaneously. I didn't want to cause him anxiety.

I gave that background just to provide background and reference information. Anyhow back to 2 weeks ago. He spent the whole day talking about swinging. I did not entertain his comments as I wanted to believe he was joking. I invited my cousins for a BBQ at my place and he joined us. We talked about many topics, sex, relationships. jobs etc. Everyone including him left my place at midnight and went home. In the morning he texted me complaining that one of my cousins had stuck her breasts in his face. I knew somehow he was lying so I said I will call her so she can apologize. Then he said, No don't call her, I kinda liked it. Oh....and further to that he said he was unhappy with our "closed" relationship. So I asked what that meant he said we are too exclusive. Oh...and he wanted to take time to think about us and maybe include others....he had images of me kissing other women etc.

I said to him, that I wouldn't do that even for him. And that I was sorry I wasn't enough for him. And that I would like him to walk away and think about his needs. And that I wouldn't judge him. That was the last time I heard from him. then today I get an I am sorry text.

So before I respond, what should I tell Mr ED? By the way I will not change my stance. Please help!
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Old 09-10-2013, 08:17 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
49,932 posts, read 59,572,875 times
Reputation: 98359
Your stance being ... that you are not interested in "swinging" or sharing/open relationship?

1) Calling him Mr. ED is disrespectful.

2) It sounds like he is having problems with desire, which is normal. He is trying to reach out to you for help.

Decide what kinds of steps you ARE willing to take to spice up your sex life.

Talk to him in a caring way, with an appreciation that he is not cheating. Come up with some new stuff you both can enjoy, and you both may respond better than you ever imagined.
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Old 09-10-2013, 08:24 PM
 
Location: socal baby
1,355 posts, read 2,536,947 times
Reputation: 928
seems to me you guys are just dating. is this a deal breaker issue for you?

and if he has ED, could he really get it up for swinging? can he get it up for porn? how about you giving him oral, does that work?

dunno, sounds like he wants to sexually experiment to confirm the plumbing is still working
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Old 09-10-2013, 08:34 PM
 
Location: a primitive state
11,365 posts, read 24,324,834 times
Reputation: 17365
I think men worry more about their performance and desirability than we do. He probably thinks you're unhappy because you've quit trying to have sex with him. By making you jealous, he's trying to reignite some passion in your relationship.

You just need to invite him out on a sexy adventure someplace on a mini vacation and fool around. A change of scenery often helps with that kind of thing.
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Old 09-10-2013, 08:35 PM
 
12 posts, read 31,017 times
Reputation: 48
Wmsn4Life, I apologize for calling him Mr. ED. I am a little upset because I have been so supportive. I agree with you nokidding..will it work for swinging. I worry about him. I want him to come to terms with this age so we can move on. Thank you guys for your comments. I really appreciate your insight.
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Old 09-10-2013, 08:36 PM
 
Location: The High Seas
7,373 posts, read 15,940,537 times
Reputation: 11865
"How do you feel about me getting pounded by Mr. Tripod?"

Ask him that one and come back with the answer.
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Old 09-10-2013, 08:39 PM
 
12 posts, read 31,017 times
Reputation: 48
nokidding...we are dating but sharing him with other women is a dealbreaker for me. Even though I say that I respect this guy. He is so thoughtful and such a romantic. I guess thats why its so hard to just walk away.
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Old 09-10-2013, 08:43 PM
 
Location: socal baby
1,355 posts, read 2,536,947 times
Reputation: 928
Quote:
Originally Posted by 2000Jenny View Post
nokidding...we are dating but sharing him with other women is a dealbreaker for me. Even though I say that I respect this guy. He is so thoughtful and such a romantic. I guess thats why its so hard to just walk away.

well i asked because if his tool cant function, is he still interested in being intimate with other women? but honestly, that situation would seem you can fix.
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Old 09-10-2013, 08:46 PM
 
12 posts, read 31,017 times
Reputation: 48
Thanks ellie....Last month we were on vacation at his lakehouse just the 2 of us. one day I woke up...walked around in the nude, with only his bow tie and red 5 inch stilettos . I thought that would spice up things but he couldn't get it to work. So I felt that was too much pressure and I resorted to cuddling and holding hands. I just want him to talk to me. I am mature enough to understand.
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Old 09-10-2013, 09:36 PM
 
Location: Pa
42,763 posts, read 52,679,190 times
Reputation: 25361
I wouldn't be open to it either. And why can't you plan sex? Give him time to take the pill and have it work. More communication seems to be needed.
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