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today we are the total sum of all out past experiences- some good, some bad
we've all been thru hell, and made bad decisions, the important thing is to learn from them
the person you meet today is not the person he/she was 5,10 15 years ago.
why live your life in the dark clouds of the rearview mirror??? look thru the bright windshield towards building a better life for the future.
ive seen couples use what they have learned from their partners past, against them- this is like teasing your kid in front of his/her friends that they wet the bed at a late age-- VERY DESTRUCTIVE!! manipulating and controlling.
sometimes, the great person you meet today is from learning from their past mistakes-this always gets overlooked
leave the past in the past ...dont be a control freak!!!
I'm not saying the OP is like this, but I know that some men will probe and pry into their partner's past and then turn around and use it against them. I remember reading a very troubling thread on another forum once that was written by a man who had pestered his gf for all the details of her past partners (and he admitted that her past was no worse than his) and then every time they had a disagreement he would call her a sl*t and it began to sound as if he was abusing her. This was a girl he met and slept with on a first date so I don't know what he expected but I do think he didn't intend to fall in love with her but he did and from the things he said I alerted the mods but I don't know what they could do with something like that.
So, while this example is extreme, I'm guessing that many women have been burned by partners asking for details and then at least fretting about them later so women get cagey and stop sharing. I'm not even talking about women with a "past." Some men will fret about any past partner a woman has had, even if she's only ever been in relationships. So, the OP should leave that part alone.
today we are the total sum of all out past experiences- some good, some bad
we've all been thru hell, and made bad decisions, the important thing is to learn from them
the person you meet today is not the person he/she was 5,10 15 years ago.
why live your life in the dark clouds of the rearview mirror??? look thru the bright windshield towards building a better life for the future.
ive seen couples use what they have learned from their partners past, against them- this is like teasing your kid in front of his/her friends that they wet the bed at a late age-- VERY DESTRUCTIVE!! manipulating and controlling.
sometimes, the great person you meet today is from learning from their past mistakes-this always gets overlooked
leave the past in the past ...dont be a control freak!!!
I always find this funny. You people will judge if people used to do drugs, DUIs, criminal record, etc. But a woman's sexual past is off limits to judgement. It's hypocritical. People go to prison for their pasts. Only people with pasts they don't want say the past doesn't matter.
I've noticed that many people, live in the moment, neither think much about the past or the future. These folk make poor conversationalist and are suspicious as to why you are interested in both past and future.
This is a pretty good question. I think it is good to know some things, but not every little last detail.
I think knowing some things lends to more understanding of things that may be going on in your relationship. Without some pieces of the puzzle of your partners past, some things do not make sense.
This is going on with me right now, or I could even say it is ongoing. I just didn't understand some things. Some reasoning of different things, why things were happening the way they were and why sometimes, he just did not get it.
I finally had to ask some questions. He was obviously uncomfortable and I could tell he did not really want to talk about it.
What the answer was would not have made any difference. The answer, whichever it was, would def answer some questions about our relationship.
He felt uneasy, and I saw that, so I started talking about some of my past relationships. Not into complete detail, but some.
He told me and for me, it was no big deal but it sure answered a heck of a lot of questions in my mind and made me feel so much better about where we were in our relationships and why some things had happened the way they did.
He never really asks many questions, but I am pretty open with things, so he may not have had to, I don't know.
Wouldn't you like to know about your partners past?
I like to hear tales about his childhood, family, work, some of the life things he has been through. Sexual history? Nah. If he's healthy and he's faithful in his commitment to me, that's all that matters. That goes twice over now, at my age. His past relationships and sex life is between him and his exes and none of my business, and I get the same respect for boundaries from him. You say you don't pelt people with questions, but there is really no polite way to ask someone what kinds of sexual activity are in his or her past. For me, if you have to ask, you're not close enough to me to know, which means you're prying.
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