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Old 09-15-2013, 02:19 PM
Status: "Beach time!" (set 29 days ago)
 
Location: Fredericksburg/Virginia Beach, VA
10,701 posts, read 11,108,112 times
Reputation: 14095

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Quote:
Originally Posted by ColorsWolf View Post
To be clear, I separate "compromise" from "actually working things out", in "compromise" you don't have to work ANYTHING out you simply give up something you like simply because it will make your partner happy, many times neither one is happy with this solution. But that's love right? Wrong! That's "settling" otherwise known as "compromising".

In "actually working things out" you examine the deeper underling problems in addition to the main problems, recognize them, address them, and "work through all of them". It may not be easy, quick, or even fun, but I feel this method is much more "honest" and "genuine".
You missed the point of my post, didn't you?
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Old 09-15-2013, 02:37 PM
 
Location: CA, U.S.A.
628 posts, read 1,122,436 times
Reputation: 250
Quote:
Originally Posted by iknowftbll View Post
You missed the point of my post, didn't you?
No, I think I got it.~ You were being funny in a mocking manner and I thought that was funny, but I just wanted to clear-up any misconceptions people might have about what I meant by "no comprises", because basically I see "comprises" as a cop-out a way to avoid actually "working through any problems that may arise".
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Old 09-15-2013, 02:48 PM
Status: "Beach time!" (set 29 days ago)
 
Location: Fredericksburg/Virginia Beach, VA
10,701 posts, read 11,108,112 times
Reputation: 14095
Quote:
Originally Posted by ColorsWolf View Post
No, I think I got it.~ You were being funny in a mocking manner and I thought that was funny, but I just wanted to clear-up any misconceptions people might have about what I meant by "no comprises", because basically I see "comprises" as a cop-out a way to avoid actually "working through any problems that may arise".
In life you are not always going to get to have it your way. If being able to meet people halfway from time to time is a "cop-out" I can't imagine what it's like to be around you either as just a friend or a girlfriend. For many, compromise IS working through problems and finding an agreement that is mutually acceptable.
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Old 09-15-2013, 02:54 PM
 
Location: CA, U.S.A.
628 posts, read 1,122,436 times
Reputation: 250
Quote:
Originally Posted by iknowftbll View Post
In life you are not always going to get to have it your way. If being able to meet people halfway from time to time is a "cop-out" I can't imagine what it's like to be around you either as just a friend or a girlfriend. For many, compromise IS working through problems and finding an agreement that is mutually acceptable.
Like I said, I don't mind all these kinds of people or things, I can get along with any body, but the last thing I want is to always be fighting in my love life because instead of actually examining the problems and working them out we just keep "compromising", when you keep making "compromises" how much of yourself are you willing to give up for "love" before there's nothing of you left?
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Old 09-15-2013, 03:10 PM
 
Location: SW Missouri
15,849 posts, read 30,389,224 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ColorsWolf View Post

"Pets": these are entertainment slaves, and I can't stand slavery.
I cannot help but wonder if you have ever even had a pet. It's not slavery. It's a relationship filled with mutual love and respect. I would say that if I were a normal, healthy woman your LIST would be a deal breaker. LOL

20yrsinBranson
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Old 09-15-2013, 03:11 PM
Status: "Beach time!" (set 29 days ago)
 
Location: Fredericksburg/Virginia Beach, VA
10,701 posts, read 11,108,112 times
Reputation: 14095
Quote:
Originally Posted by ColorsWolf View Post
Like I said, I don't mind all these kinds of people or things, I can get along with any body, but the last thing I want is to always be fighting in my love life because instead of actually examining the problems and working them out we just keep "compromising", when you keep making "compromises" how much of yourself are you willing to give up for "love" before there's nothing of you left?
If that works for you, so be it. I like being a part of someone else. I like having someone else having a deeply vested interest in my interests and desires. I don't dispute with you that compromise requires us to leave aside some things we may like in the interest of someone else's preferences, but I find the benefits are well worth it.
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Old 09-15-2013, 03:13 PM
 
Location: CA, U.S.A.
628 posts, read 1,122,436 times
Reputation: 250
Quote:
Originally Posted by iknowftbll View Post
If that works for you, so be it. I like being a part of someone else. I like having someone else having a deeply vested interest in my interests and desires. I don't dispute with you that compromise requires us to leave aside some things we may like in the interest of someone else's preferences, but I find the benefits are well worth it.
If they ask you to leave behind something that is a part of what makes you "you", then do they really love "you" at all or just what they want to make you into?
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Old 09-15-2013, 03:17 PM
 
Location: CA, U.S.A.
628 posts, read 1,122,436 times
Reputation: 250
Quote:
Originally Posted by 20yrsinBranson View Post
I cannot help but wonder if you have ever even had a pet. It's not slavery. It's a relationship filled with mutual love and respect. I would say that if I were a normal, healthy woman your LIST would be a deal breaker. LOL

20yrsinBranson
If you never let your "pet" come and go as they please, then they are prisoner no matter how much you love them. That's not "love", that's a prison, you've turned your "love" into a prison to keep them from ever leaving and making their own decisions and the worst part is you've blinded yourself to this truth convincing yourself that "you know best".
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Old 09-15-2013, 03:19 PM
Status: "Beach time!" (set 29 days ago)
 
Location: Fredericksburg/Virginia Beach, VA
10,701 posts, read 11,108,112 times
Reputation: 14095
Quote:
Originally Posted by ColorsWolf View Post
If they ask you to leave behind something that is a part of what makes you "you", then do they really love "you" at all or just what they want to make you into?
The self control to not do that is part of compromise too. You don't have to like everything about your partner. In fact, I'd argue it's impossible to do so. But accepting perceived flaws and being able to live with them is something every successful couple does. On the other hand, couples in which one partner refuses to looks past something he or she deems needs to be fixed tend to struggle.
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Old 09-15-2013, 03:21 PM
Status: "Beach time!" (set 29 days ago)
 
Location: Fredericksburg/Virginia Beach, VA
10,701 posts, read 11,108,112 times
Reputation: 14095
Quote:
Originally Posted by ColorsWolf View Post
If you never let your "pet" come and go as they please, then they are prisoner no matter how much you love them. That's not "love", that's a prison, you've turned your "love" into a prison to keep them from ever leaving and making their own decisions and the worst part is you've blinded yourself to this truth convincing yourself that "you know best".
I don't let my kids come and go as they please. I give them everything they need and a lot of what they want (within reason), but I don't let them do what ever they choose. Is that slavery?
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