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Hi everyone I thought Id start by telling you abit about myself, I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for a year, we live together, he brought me a car and we have two puppies together.. I have known him for 5 years, we used to work together, my best friend married his brother and after the wedding we started seeing eachother... he was previously in a 3 year relationship and before that another long relationship out of school... I am 21 yrs old and he is 26 yrs old. He is my first serious relationship and this is the longest Ive been out of home and the first time I have stayed committed to anything, the fact I now have two dogs with him is kinda the same situation for me as having kids with him, which also he does not want but I do... any who lately I have felt as if I am trapped, that even if I wanted to leave him it would be hard, no car = no job and no house = no puppies I spose in the excitement of a fresh relationship I made decisions I am now reconsidering now.
Well lately I have been dreaming of old flings, I have had ex partners contact me, even tho they known Im in a relationship... well when I came into this current relationship the sex was amazing, I am a fiend I admit but now it seems as if he makes sex a chore, just to please me... I could have sex everyday whereas he will leave me with it once a week if Im lucky. This sexual fustration is making me think and imagine things I shouldnt but I would never cheat. I love him a lot tho and want to be settled and create a life with him I just wish that I didnt have these thoughts. I try talking to him but he is really bad when it comes to communicating and the whole him not wanting kids thing has left me worried that the future I am imagining isnt going to happen.
Anyone had similar problems, or am I just being stupid, I know Im young but Im very mature for my age and I have experienced quite a lot at a younger age that I want a serious relationship now, I want to be settled, comfortable and not have to worry about stupid things like this...
it's not the age, it's the emotional connection. for some reason he (and you) are not getting his needs met. you guys need to talk and maybe talk about dating other ppl --that should get his attention. or maybe it's something like he wants oral and you don't. idk but you need to have a talk. and if he doesnt ever want kids, tell him you want to be with someone who does.
also some guys just aren't ready for the responsibility of a family at their point in life, for whatever reason. could be not established career wise, low self esteem at the point, or maybe he just doesn't see it with you. it's a rare situation for a 26you guy who doesnt want to have sex (even bj) with a 21yo. usually other way around. good luck
I've been married 23 years. Based on what I have learned about relationships through experience and a lot of therapy, this is what your situation boils down to.
Love is not a feeling, it's a choice.
If you want to stay this way, the way you feel RIGHT NOW, for the REST of your life, then stay with him. There is nothing magic that happens when you marry to make "LOVE" triumph. Love and commitment, as you titled this post, mean that you choose every day to stay with him with all his faults etc.
If you are not ready to do that, then break up, grow up, figure out your living situation, and move on.
It's hard, but staying with someone you only tolerate so you have a place to live and something to drive is MUCH harder over the long haul.
When I was 19, I ALMOST allowed myself to get into something like that because I'm someone who's is commitment minded, and I thought i was mature as well. I got lucky because I asked the right questions at the right time and that old man, unwilling to communicate and unwilling to change as he was, decided to end things for me.
At a time like this, where are your parents? Would you be able to go back with them? Your sister? Where is she? You're not too old to start over.
I've been married 23 years. Based on what I have learned about relationships through experience and a lot of therapy, this is what your situation boils down to.
Love is not a feeling, it's a choice.
If you want to stay this way, the way you feel RIGHT NOW, for the REST of your life, then stay with him. There is nothing magic that happens when you marry to make "LOVE" triumph. Love and commitment, as you titled this post, mean that you choose every day to stay with him with all his faults etc.
If you are not ready to do that, then break up, grow up, figure out your living situation, and move on.
It's hard, but staying with someone you only tolerate so you have a place to live and something to drive is MUCH harder over the long haul.
^^^good counseling and advice.
and dont be surprised if many post "red flag, runaway now". there are a lots of those types here that will advise that to any woman with a relationship challenge, and several of which are still searching for a meaningful relationship. people aren't perfect, and relationships aren't always easy. But IMHO, Wnsn4Life is on the money on this one.
You're in a dependent relationship.
You are unemployed.
You have no transportation.
The relationship has no viable future, as far as I can see. I strongly suggest you find a job, get your own place (or move back in with your parents), and use public transportation until you can afford a car. Become a self-supporting, responsible adult, and then think about a relationship. Most relationships fail, so you need to be able to survive on your own when that happens. Once you have that self-assurance, you won't be trapped in an unworkable situation ever again.
I love him very much and I imagine being with him forever the only problem I have is being scared that Im gonna ruin it with the way Ive been thinking... I just wanna know if its normal this early? My parents live close and they are always there for me to go back to but the whole dog thing isnt great with my dad thats why Im worrying about them... My sister and brother are way younger than me.. I have a job, just wouldnt without transport. I could survive on my own if I had to I just dont like the idea of it and more especially because I have no intention of giving my dogs up if it came down to it. Wsm4life thank you your advice it made sense and I could see how many people would tell me to get out now... but I wasnt asking whether I should leave him or not Im asking as a young person whether its okay to feel this way in a relationship and what your opinions might be on the way he acts or feels as I ak obviously only fully intuned with my own feelings.. especially when the person Im in a relationship sucks at communicating. Thanks everyone tho
The simple fact that you don't agree on having children or not will eventually end your relationship.
You should have a heart to heart with the BF and come up with a friendly exit strategy where you can move out and move on.
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I spose in the excitement of a fresh relationship I made decisions I am now reconsidering now.
