Welcome to City-Data.com Forum!
U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 09-21-2013, 04:24 AM
 
19,965 posts, read 30,111,427 times
Reputation: 40023

Advertisements

a lot in the mix here- ive seen very good looking girls with the bad boy losers-with little confidence,
might be more rebellion on the girls part, but it does happen

with maturity comes confidence-thats part of life in all aspects of life- and yes, experience, is life's best teacher- I can get up and talk in front of a room, or large audience now- where it use to be scary,

half of mens issues with women are because of the mans hang ups- just because a woman is good looking we give them a pedastel, we stop being ourselves (comfortable in conversation) and filter every word we say, which in turn has the opposite affect-

with maturity a guy realizes any and every woman has their own problems, issues, and doesnt want to be treated as a one dimensional centerfold, or plastic doll- i had guy friends that couldnt even talk to good looking woman, thinking they are a different species, somehow, and women are individuals, if one shoots you down, it doesnt mean the whole gender will-some guys get hung up on that

high school is such an intense time, and guys often do get shot down for various reasons-but its how a guy reacts to this- many will just avoid the risk, and not feel humiliated.
some guys dont mature much beyond high school- going thru life more avoiding risks, than taking them (with women)


confidence also comes from being at peace with yourself- and this doesnt happen when you are young-
but i maintain, thats why alcohol is called false confidence- because if alcohol, dulls the self pain/fear/insecurities, then guys have less holding them back or anchoring them, and will take more risks,,,
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 09-21-2013, 05:30 AM
 
51 posts, read 58,185 times
Reputation: 97
The difference between confidence and competence needs to be addressed as well as defining self-esteem.

Competence is proven and measurable skill. Success in doing things is competence, not confidence. It is separate and does not neatly translate to one’s core self-worth.

Confidence is irrational. It does not need proof to exist. In simplest terms, confidence is belief.


Self-esteem is a combination of how you feel about yourself as a whole (skills and beliefs).
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-21-2013, 06:17 AM
 
Location: Middle America
37,409 posts, read 53,412,743 times
Reputation: 53067
Quote:
Originally Posted by mainebrokerman View Post


confidence also comes from being at peace with yourself

This.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-23-2013, 08:14 PM
 
Location: all over the place (figuratively)
6,611 posts, read 4,847,569 times
Reputation: 3596
I dug up this thread because I had a flash of insight: there is a genetic component to confidence. It's related to lack of anxiety, and anxiety level is moderately heritable.

So, women probably highly value confidence as a barometer of a man's actual or future success and his genetic gifts (looks, social dominance) that likely will impact offspring.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-23-2013, 11:40 PM
 
Location: Jacksonville, Fl
1,276 posts, read 1,770,667 times
Reputation: 2495
As this goes for relationships, we hold the key to forming confidence in our partner. I was once with a woman who on the third date we slept together. The sex was GREAT and she went on and on about it. I knew right then and there it was gonna get even better as time went on and we learned each other. I WAS COMFIDENT! She praised me on all my skills and how we just worked together and how I read every cue she gave me, she told me I had total control over her and how she lost control and the sex was one continuous orgasm for her She even told me my member was large and so hard it worked amazing wonders on her..........We were both happy and off and running so to speak.

Next night we're going at it again, another marathon session. The sex was even better. After we lay there both of us glowing in the after affects, I made the mistake of bringing up sex from our pasts. She was all too gleeful and happy to tell a few of her stories. Well, there was this one guy who she described as so hot, so amazing and he had an even bigger member then me! As she put it, ridiculously huge. Then she tried to tell me that had nothing to do with why the sex was so amazing with him.

Call me a wimp if you want, but in that moment, the confidence level and dreams of even having better sex with this women went right out the window. I started thinking bad stuff about her and how lots of women I was with could barely handle me and she must be this or that and I could never please her on that level. It ruined it.

Moral of the story? If you with someone new and you think you have something to build on, keep your mouth shut. This goes for men and women. Compliment your partner and build them up. Do not get off on destroying emerging confidence in your partner. Build them up and get what you want. Sex or otherwise
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-23-2013, 11:51 PM
 
Location: Texas
44,256 posts, read 64,216,996 times
Reputation: 73924
Confidence, IMO, is created by facing challenges over and over and getting through them. One builds on the other until you feel you can face anything.

Where do you think "confidence courses" were designed to do?

The problem is that self esteem that is generated by insubstantial sources or simply the fawning of parents/society is inherently fragile because it was not based on accomplishment or struggle.

Confidence shares a close relationship with competence, as well.

Reach, push yourself, attempt the impossible...when you find you have survived or even thrived, your confidence will build.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-24-2013, 12:12 AM
 
348 posts, read 549,089 times
Reputation: 611
Quote:
Originally Posted by mainebrokerman View Post
half of mens issues with women are because of the mans hang ups- just because a woman is good looking we give them a pedastel, we stop being ourselves (comfortable in conversation) and filter every word we say, which in turn has the opposite affect-
So true. My ex was very attractive, at least a 9. I think the main reason we got together is that I treated her like a person. No, I didn't 'neg' her, rather I didn't fawn all over her at first.

Quote:
with maturity a guy realizes any and every woman has their own problems, issues, and doesnt want to be treated as a one dimensional centerfold, or plastic doll- i had guy friends that couldnt even talk to good looking woman, thinking they are a different species, somehow, and women are individuals, if one shoots you down, it doesnt mean the whole gender will-some guys get hung up on that
Very true.

Quote:
high school is such an intense time, and guys often do get shot down for various reasons-but its how a guy reacts to this- many will just avoid the risk, and not feel humiliated.
some guys dont mature much beyond high school- going thru life more avoiding risks, than taking them (with women)
Again true. I often say it's unfortunate we develop a lot of bad habits during high school, when so many of us are so awkward.

Quote:
confidence also comes from being at peace with yourself- and this doesnt happen when you are young-
but i maintain, thats why alcohol is called false confidence- because if alcohol, dulls the self pain/fear/insecurities, then guys have less holding them back or anchoring them, and will take more risks,,,
Again again, very true. I think I'm a good example of this.

I'll approach any woman I'm interested in, but I used to be very shy and insecure. I still have to fight my natural introverted instincts. But practice makes perfect, and often a drink or two helps .

In all seriousness, I am very at peace with myself, and being cool and relaxed makes women feel comfortable talking to me. After that, it all depends on the chemistry.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-24-2013, 05:25 AM
 
51 posts, read 58,185 times
Reputation: 97
Quote:
Confidence, IMO, is created by facing challenges over and over and getting through them. One builds on the other until you feel you can face anything.

Quote:
Confidence shares a close relationship with competence, as well.

Reach, push yourself, attempt the impossible...when you find you have survived or even thrived, your confidence will build.
That's why I brought up competence. It seems that everywhere the confidence discussion takes place, competence is substituted for confidence. They are related, but they are very different. I am of the belief that confidence lies in the "facing" itself, not necessarily getting through the challenges successfully.

An example of confidence would be like saying to oneself, "I've never done this before or anything like this, but I KNOW that I can do it."

An example of competence would be saying, "I've done this a thousand times before successfully and I know I can do it again."

Competence helps, but it is not the whole story. Confidence is like courage. It comes BEFORE doing that which we are afraid to do. It is being so self-assured that one knows they will succeed even before making the attempt.

Quote:
I dug up this thread because I had a flash of insight: there is a genetic component to confidence. It's related to lack of anxiety, and anxiety level is moderately heritable.
I've long wondered what would be the opposite of confidence. I think anxiety fits.

There are some who post on this forum that are very confident in the wrong direction. They inadvertently prove the validity of daily mantras and affirmations. They are confident that they will fail.

Confidence is belief.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-24-2013, 06:36 AM
 
2,183 posts, read 2,197,906 times
Reputation: 1852
Quote:
Originally Posted by DrVanNostren View Post
So true. My ex was very attractive, at least a 9. I think the main reason we got together is that I treated her like a person. No, I didn't 'neg' her, rather I didn't fawn all over her at first.



Very true.



Again true. I often say it's unfortunate we develop a lot of bad habits during high school, when so many of us are so awkward.



Again again, very true. I think I'm a good example of this.

I'll approach any woman I'm interested in, but I used to be very shy and insecure. I still have to fight my natural introverted instincts. But practice makes perfect, and often a drink or two helps .

In all seriousness, I am very at peace with myself, and being cool and relaxed makes women feel comfortable talking to me. After that, it all depends on the chemistry.
Your third paragraph is contradictory to your fourth. You wrote "I still have to fight my natural introverted instincts" and " often a drink or two helps" then you wrote in your second paragraph that "I am very at peace with myself" and "being cool and relaxed". if you were truly what your second paragraph indicates you would neither need to fight your introverted instincts nor resort to a drink or two.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-24-2013, 07:16 AM
 
571 posts, read 1,198,269 times
Reputation: 1452
I agree with posters that say confidence can come from knowing you are GOOD (at whatever thing that may be - music, art, athletics, academics, social interactions, etc., etc.)

There was a guy at school that was very handsome. Face-wise, he could have been a model: great bone structure, impeccable symmetry, beautiful eyes. But he was shy and his posture was bad, which made me not want to date him. I'm guessing there may have been some negativity in his childhood.

No matter how talented or great looking, if your early years are shaped by an abusive / negative parent - it's all you know. Some people are able to shake that and others are not. This is just ONE factor that goes into self-confidence. Some things are deeply embedded into the human psyche.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships

All times are GMT -6. The time now is 03:15 AM.

© 2005-2024, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top